Lisabroken

I have to get off this board. Sadly, enough its bringing me pain.

I hate to leave the good people here, but ugh. I feel INSANE!

And the fact I can... type my insanity here... AKA my love for him...

Maybe I am not closing up my wound. Maybe if I don't talk about him, or read other people stories. My healing process can sped up. I don't know what to do anymore to be honest.

I think about him all the time.

I try to be busy. Maybe I am being overly busy? But he's always in my HEAD. Always in my heart. I gotta stomp him out. I fear if i stay on this board I will break NC.

 

Well I will always lurk, but I need to stop talking about him... I wish I knew what to do.

i kind of know what you mean. I feel the same. I think i need to try and think about other things instead of reading about relationships/breakups/missing/hurting etc. I love ENA, i have done for years and years but i feel i need to leave for a few days.

I will be back

the best thing about ENA is that you are here when ever you need it

Day 6 NC

I feel better today than i did yesterday. Its officially the longest i have been without speaking to you since the day i met you. For some strange reason i am looking forward to being past 14 days. 6 days is soooo lame, ha. at least i am not crying today. I don't feel happy bit i don't feel depressed either.

Today i miss you. Today i want to know how you feel. Today i hope you are thinking about me. Today i feel insecure...but i am not going to contact you today

Forgot to add, i am only at 5th day of NC

My heart is heavy today, i feel low. I am trying to stay motivated. I'm trying to not be selfish and give him the space he needs and see how space might also be good for me. Right now, i am struggling to be without right now as you make me feel happy but i know my presence right now is not good for you. I have been selfish in the relationship, so it is time for me to do something unselfish.

Only a few hours ago i decided i didn't want you and the pain wasn't worth it. Why is my heart wanting you near. I just want to be with you and hold you...eh? where did that come from. Missing you a lot.

The last time i saw you, you were so nice to me. You are always too nice me which was your downfall and mine. I took advantage of your love for me. My mind is really all over the place. So are my emotions. All though while we are not speaking i am not experiencing any sharp pains to my chest like i did when i would speak to you. I'm afraid of healing and not being in love with you anymore. I love you but i don't love the pain i have put you through or the pain i am feeling now.

Day 4 NC, I don't have the urge to contact you. I don't want you to contact me. I miss you but its surrounded with a haze of confusion. I'm not sure if i want you back if you do come back. I imagine you don't miss me at all.

So its been only 3 days of NC and for the first time since we broke up i don't feel crazy, i feel relaxed. If you asked me to meet you today i would say no. I NEED this time away from you to process the hurt. I have a tiny bit of control again. If we don't get back together my world wont end.

...i'm not saying i don't miss you. I do but i don't feel like i have to have you like i did last week.

So we have taken time apart to WORK OUT what we both want. I know what i want, i want you. I'm afraid this time apart will make you see that you never want to be with me. I know deep down if that is the case you were never going to be mine. I just wish i didn't love you so much. I'm afraid of loosing you.

Ah sh*t, you broke NC. Not that we had agreed on NC but I had. Now I'm sitting here not knowing if to reply or not. Although, it does feel nice having some control(?) again...

Same

A tiny bit of control feels nice

Its Day 1 of NC and i can't believe its going to get harder. You say you need time to figure out what you want. I can't wait for you. This NC is so i can move on alone.