Natasha207

I know you don't ever think of me. It doesn't seem that I cross your mind the way you do mine

I thought what we had was a special bond

But after all this maybe I'm wrong

If you can move on and marry another like I dont exist

Maybe you needed me more like a kid and their blanket

I went tonight knowing you may be there

You weren't. But it turns out you were concerned whether I was going to be.

I feel right now that I won't ever forgive you

I hate that though. It shouldn't be true

But this heart knows why

I'm so angry that I still haven't found someone that gave me butterflies like you did. How can so much passion lead to so much toxicity and hatred. You appear so happy with your new wife while I am stuck. Stuck in a rut thinking of what should have been my future. I want to forgive you so bad but I just cant. Not yet.

After our breakup, I realized that it was too hard to keep you close, near, know you exist

I couldn't watch as you fell in love with someone else while I struggle to put my pieces back together still

A year and I still feel pieces missing. I couldn't watch.

I pretend you don't exist- but my brain reminds me at night

The dreams I can't control- the dreams where I beg you to look at me the way you used to

I know it was toxic, I needed a break.

But that doesn't mean i didn't or dont still love you

I didn't lie when i said i loved you more than most people on this planet

You were my family- my home. How can I just wipe it away?

Even though I know my mind was at its breaking point - I needed out of the chaos... but I couldn't take my heart out

You can remove yourself from a situation - but you can't just casually remove the feelings from your soul.

The hurt I caused, the hurt i felt- that i still feel-

They still don't mask or hide the passion or intensity my soul has for you. The way it clings to those butterflies I felt as your lips touched mine.

Will I ever feel that way again? Sometimes im optimistic, but at night i think that a big piece of me went when i left. You took it- I don't think you kept it. But its gone from me wherever it went.

I still keep going- try to put myself back together. Parts of me are much better, that's for sure. I feel healthy and happy.

But my heart sings a song sometimes that I cannot help but hear. It still hurts. Very very much.

The tears still soak my pillow as i write every word. Each tear carries its own story and represents a moment in time where our hearts were one.

I know there was bad.. but I'll never ever forget the good

I try to close the book - call it my biggest chapter yet. But i think i keep adding pages even though i dont try to.

Im sorry.

I had a really bad nightmare about you and the new girl again. If what we had was so toxic and wrong, why do i feel this pain. Why do i crave for you to want me again the way you used to? Will this get better for me- how do you seem so ok?