jakel

2 months made it!!!!!! good bye to you !!!! kissed another girl tonight I'M freeeeeeeeeeee!

Day 48 NC pretty damn sure I built her up to be oh.... just a little bit better than she was. May my brain never go all Walt Disney again!

you say that your a princes and that might be true, but I'm a f...... peasant and still too good for you!!!

Day 37 so depressed, Zero interest in dating when it comes right down to, it why bother? just to feel this again ugh!

DAY 39

 

Got a text from my ex today saying she might be in town soon and wants to hang. I wondered what was up, since she was supposed to be moving accross the country to be with her new guy. I decided to check her Facebook after months of having it blocked to find out if she actually moved.

 

TODAY HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGED TO SINGLE!!!

 

I'm waiting a bit to text her back, but I find it kind of funny that as soon as she breaks up with her guy of 5 months she sends me a text. Me = Winner?

I have to admit I felt a tinge of envy when I read this,( I don't see this being my experience), but good for you NG85! Keep us posted

DAY 30: weird!

I almost forget I was doing this I feel good I have been nc 30 days before,this time seemed longer though! Well 60 was my goal so onward!

Day 26

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day 24 Feel a bit less sad more surrendered it obviously couldn't have gone any different than it did I gave it my best shot and so did you farewell. Morpheus take my away

day 23

I think I regressed typed her name into Google up came her Facebook profile page (I'm not on Facebook) there she is in yet another picture and there he is with his arm wrapped around her I cant believe It. I want to throw my computer out the window, I want to leave town, I hate my life

day 22 : started off strong today talked to a pretty woman on the train smiled and said hello a lot. Went to hell when I realized the woman couldn't take my eyes off looked like her

Day 20 : feel depressed today lonely as hell the thought of putting myself out there again is terrifying.

day 18 kind of having trouble keeping track of how long its been maybe that's a good thing?

day 17 Had a good cry earlier this sadness feels a little more finite

day 12 I feel like hell I hate my stupid life I wish I could take the big sleep tonight. I cant handle this anymore, She never loved me.

day 11 : Woke up crying this morning must have had a dream about her. I vacillate between feeling really foolish for putting myself out there like that, and wondering if I could have done something different.

day 10 People talked about her today didn't really have the same bite. I feel really unattractive and my confidence is shot though

day 9: I realize I still own clothing she gave me as gifts. I wonder if i should get rid of them? I don't understand my life.

Broke NC. Can't do it anymore..... I have done the same thing a ton of times, I think its par for the course I am presently on day nine she broke up with me Mid November. I would resolve to nc have high emotion come up, (either anger or some kind of nostalgic gratitude), and break down and text or email. I have gone as a month tops nc my goal is two. It hurrrrrrrrttttts!! a lot of the time I know. I don't know you but I know you deserve to be happy and free!

day 8 : not too bad today cant sleep though, keep having comparisons with the new guy, I cant help but hope its going badly

Yesterday was my birthday. His best friend suddenly texted me with the question if I was over my ex. I ignored the question and answered the other ones. I feel weird about it though. It makes me wonder.. was my ex sitting right next to him? Is this a test? It's a bit strange to say the least.

Happy birthday Moonchill! Could the best friend potentially be interested?

Day 7:

What a day, I messed myself up last night listening to break up songs I posted, I will not be posting any more of that! I don't get it how could I be so sure of something and then she left ? I'm sick of trying to act like im doing OK, I feel like I have been trying to blow sunshine up my own posterior (its hard not to swear). I'm wrecked, I'm really really sad, I feel so alone, things were bad a lot, but we were friends to I miss her. I cant do this I cant act like I'm doing OK! What is the point? I really have no idea how to go to work tomorrow I cant stand it. I put myself out there way too much, I guess I put too much on this relationship.

day 6: I'm coming back I can feel the momentum starting to build! Gonna blast Eminem - Not Afraid and do some house cleaning! I hope this isn't too fleeting!

Day 5: Its probably a little controlling but I wish I could make people stop saying her name! My job that I stayed at and she left seems to have an endless supply of dopey fans of hers that ask how she is? and how she is doing in ( )? I tell them I don't know we don't talk anymore, It irritating as well... you know.

I have become obsessed on how hideously deformed and ugly I must be and how annoying and intolerable I must be to be around. Its dissipating some but it still sucks! Its been 5 months She is 3000 miles away has a new boyfriend and we were both not that free together why do I miss her? good times

Day 4: I have gone a month nc twice since we broke up 5 months ago. My personal challenge is two months nc now. The last text I sent was an apology for the nasty email I sent a month prior (upon seeing a picture of her and her new guy and her mom for the first time). Also thanking her for encouraging me to write my daughter a year ago because I was seeing her for the first time in 9 years that day. I wished her well asked her not to respond and explained it wasn't out of resentment but out of self preservation. Its over and done with.

wish I could have shared this event with you but you probably would have been jealous and made the whole thing a drag. WHY DO I MISS YOU?!!?

I leaned to heavily on you I relied to much on your approval. I was hurt and broken when you met me and now I can work all of that out. But I still wonder did you just replace me with another?

words like a cold dull meaningless knife words like stay with me forever, your my best friend, make me your wife. Remember late at night when he stares deep in your eyes I love you means I'll leave you and its only a matter of time.