anthony4

i broke NC. this is what i said: "i know your surgery is soon, if not already done. was scheduled for the 7th if i recall. i wasn't gonna say anything, not sure that anything at all is appropriate. but what the hell, we shared so much. no reason to be ashamed to say, I hope it all works out for the best. be well Sandy."

was that wrong? i want to be human and civil, despite our differences. i have no intention of getting back together. doh.

so today you are in the hospital for your surgery. i told you before we broke up, over a month ago i had wanted to be there while you were going through this traumatic time. i wish you well. i will not contact you to tell you that. i don't hate you.

Good for you deff! day 35 here, and I start a new job tomorrow. A perfect added distraction.

milestone! day 30

So, it's going on a month since we were in contact. You said you needed your space. At first it was hard to give you that. I realize now near the end how you saw me as needy. My way of thinking then was that i was simply, blissfully there for you heart and soul. I guess i was right, i was there for you. But not me. I wasn't going to change even if you had let this last argument slip by, and give us another chance. Not without this time i've spent without you in my life. Even though you said you didn't want anyone else, i know you've become serious, fast, with someone new. People talk, and that person was lingering, slithering in your virtual world for over a year as i knew it anyway. Yes, your virtual world, where you pretended to be the perfect mother, and grandmother, ever patient, hard working and illustrious. That is truly the world you exist best in, you can hide who you really are behind the veil of digital escape, and don't have to be responsible for the way you take more and give less to someone that mattered in the real world, face to face, the way you said I did countless times to my face. I want to tell you i wish you well, but really I hope this new thing fails miserably. Only then will you see your patterns of brushing every difference two people have under the rug, and becoming invisible when you are held accountable for the wrongs that were indeed your "half" of our problems. I've made some new friends, you told me i needed some during your last words with me. I'm spending much more time with my sons and family, it's shameful to think about how i put you above them when i look back at the last two years. I've stayed busy for the most part, even got a new job. Got rid of a truckload of other things in my life that i didn't really need which i also thought i did. Material things, but sweetly ironic nonetheless. Maybe given time, i will wish the best for you. Not yet. This is still my time. And my bitterness for all your lies and deception is waning.

Great stuff!

I neglected my family, the people that love me unconditionally for her.

This breakup is truly good for me and self-enlightening.

Good for you Janeiac, and Mrs Popsicle. you go gals!

day 22 since last contact or 21, not sure, doh

that's just my middle name. you programmer you

FB has had a feature for some time. It notifies you when someone accesses your acct from a different computer. . I hope you were thorough. He could have gotten that notification instantly if he has a smart phone or has his phone set up for SMS to his FB. Unless you did it from his computer.

can i admit i miss the boobs?

i said i was a bit angry today, LOL i guess it shows. sorry for the rant all. it really is better to vent here, in the happy tree.

nah, i'm not going there. thru NC i have tried to represent myself from afar as being the better person. i know it sounds tempting to get things off ones chest, but would do no good at all. besides, she's heard it all before and it didn't help then. she's just not logical when it comes to being at fault in much of anything. she's also immature (a 45 yr. old G'ma of 5 that takes pot with her to work everyday in her purse, goes out at lunch and smokes in her car) sorry for details but this is the kind of reckless, no regard for authority individual she is. (even joked about showing an officer her boobs if she got caught) and she claimed to be so mature when she compared herself to me. I may have some emotional growth needs, learning all that now, and improving daily through the NC theory - but i never put my job or social standing in jeopardy with such behavior. i won't even leave a bar with more than one or two max drinks in me. (DUI is .08 here) just can't afford the stigma and financial duress of arrests, etc.. I'm not trying to badmouth her but facts are facts. No lecture taken, just good advice.

Good for you Moonchill. As odd as it may sound i could actually smell her perfume when were weren't together. The mind is a powerful thing, this has happened to me more than once. Sort of a mental replay, whatever senses reported whatever stimulation to my brain burnt in memory or something along those lines. And in day 18, some of the anger is resurfacing. Not enough to rule my day or dwell on but just right. At first i wouldn't allow the anger, but it is part of the healing.

Day 18

Job interview today

Yeah, social networking - she put up a new pic on FB, not as attractive as i used to think! and finally changed her MySpace to single.

so while snooping usually is bad, the status change encourages me to not have hope she's gonna make contact and the picture makes me feel stronger.

(it's not all about looks but i can do better in that way and more)

looks like she's aged a year in a month heh.

Day 83?

 

Wow almost 3 months of NC. She did contact me a few times but I ignored her. I feel pretty good. I'm finding happiness in being single. I do miss her and still want to talk to her but I don't think I'm ready to break my silence just yet. It does get easier to those who just started.

I hope if mine contacts me i can be so strong. I'm only on day 16. Still fresh, and hard. Pat yerfriggin' self on the back. KUDOS!! and thanks

Day 15. thought i heard the phone ring while in the shower. nope. it will get better... it will get better...

And how are you dealing with it, Anthony4?

Did you explain it to her or something. Or did you go NC very soon like me..

Atleast I'm not the only one .. Best to you too, thanks

 

If you mean explain no contact, no. I think it's best to just let it work if that is in the cards. Mine was almost a two year thing, something had to happen, differences weren't being dealt with. I'm dealing with it day-by-day, and with the help of this forum. I have been bitter, it has come out in some of my posts and some people here have been patient with me trying to give me advice. The grey area for us was because she simply didn't want to talk about anything important, i was always having to read the situation from my perspective. You are SO not the only one.

I did exactly the same thing, panicked and broke with her. The grey area. Day 14 of no contact. Best to you Moonchill.