midnightdeirdre

1 hour ago, Almondeveryday said:

I feel very ungrateful. I love my husband. He is a wonderful man and we get on so well, want the same things and have built a life together but I don’t feel that spark. I think about this every day and it just feels impossible. 

This reminds me of how much I love the autumn season in New England; the leaves can be the most sparkly golden orange, but if there's no "dewy, crisp" factor in the air, it's like a painting. I see it, but I'm not experiencing it.

I once heard a funny (and gross lol) saying: "Love and happiness are like farts: if you have to force them, they're probably poop." 

Bottom line: sounds like you should file for a divorce. Or at the very least, a trial separation.

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I have asked twice if it's only tragedies that are "enjoyable" to you and you have not answered. Why is that? And do you in fact feel this sense of "belonging" only when it's a tragedy? Do you "enjoy" happy events? 

Sorry I forgot to answer your question. Yes I feel a sense of “belonging” if it’s also a happy event. (I made sure I got up to watch Prince William and Harry’s weddings.)

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You seem to recognize that a lot of what you post will make people think you are "weird" - and you appear to devise it that way, and revel in it.  

My strong impression (which you probably won't like) is that you come here and think up the strangest things to post so people pay attention to you and interact on your threads. 

It's attention-seeking behaviour. 

I wouldn’t say I’m attention-seeking. I just have all these memories of my odd behavior (which I don’t view as odd) and I’d like to see if neurotypical people can affirm my behavior was autistic/not normal OR if it was all right that I acted the way that I did.

7 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Because people are important due to the fact they are unique. There is only one of you in the world. How are you important if 50 million people talk about the same event ? 

Well, being unique isn't always viewed/experienced as a positive thing, sadly. My entire life I felt I never fit in. (And for the obvious reason. 🧩)

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Watching TV doesn't make anyone interesting or important.  

I repeat: it was the circumstances that day that made me take a photo of the TV. (The photo was obviously to look back on and see how much our house has changed since that infamous day that changed the world. I knew nothing was going to be the same again, and I wanted to soak in the fact that I was around for it all.)

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Don’t hinge your importance on those events. You don’t become important because you have an event to talk about . 

This actually made me feel better....but why is that?

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

However you are fully aware that enjoying tragedy is "weird".

Rather it wasn't the tragedy itself that I enjoyed...it was the fact that I knew such a monumental event comes once in a lifetime, and that it was something that was going down in history----and I was going to be able to say "I was there." (You know what I mean.)

4 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

OP:  At times it seems like you really do enjoy making posts that are likely to get a rise out of people.   Am I right about this?

lol no, that is not my intent. I'm trying to understand if my reaction to the 9/11 tragedy was normal on some level. Everyone either seems to think it was highly odd OR they understand that it gave me a sense of importance and belonging. 

9 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

I know many Autistic people.  I’m having dinner tonight with a friend who has Asperger’s. 

Ironically, I would think you of all people would understand that it is a wide spectrum. 🤨

7 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

I know many Autistic people.  I’m having dinner tonight with a friend who has Asperger’s.  
 I’ve never seen such a lack of empathy or compassion from any of them. 
You get an actual thrill out of this, and it’s highly disturbing. 

There's a saying that goes, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."

In other words, no 2 autistic people are alike and it is a W-I-D-E spectrum. (To put it mildly.)

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

There's something anti-social about viewing this in a way that makes it mainly reflect back upon yourself.  

I know I keep saying it, but it's because I'm autistic. (The A in Autism should stand for Anti-social, lol.)

4 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

It's also rather disturbing that many of your (OP) posts in this thread have "lol" and smileys, as if the whole thing is so funny and hilarious and remembering it all makes you super happy. 

The comments where I put "lol" and smileys have nothing to do with the 9/11 tragedy.

17 hours ago, Tinydance said:

So you're not really looking for a welfare worker who takes care of you (that's actually my work), but more like a friend or activity companion?

I'd say I'm looking for both. It'd like someone to be my partner to do activities with, but ALSO if that person understood my autism and is patient with it, would obviously be a plus.

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What happened with that friendship?

Her name was Jacki. She stopped being friends with me for a couple reasons; mainly because she got annoyed when I texted her GIFs asking where she was when she didn't reply to my texts after awhile. That just really annoyed her. Also because she got a new job so her hours changed drastically, which made it hard for us to meetup for dinner and make plans to do stuff.

7 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Yes, both bad and strange.

Are you under a therapist's care?

Why is such a terrible thing that I like the feeling of "belonging" to an event that went down in history?

I have seen over a dozen therapists since I was 16. Only a select few have genuinely helped. I do take medication to help with my depression, OCD, and anxiety. I'm also autistic.

Just now, midnightdeirdre said:

See...this is what I mean. I can't help but enjoy the fact that I'm able to say that I am one of those hundreds of millions who can say they remember such a life-changing event clearly.

And I can't help but wonder if that's a bad thing/strange thing. 😏

15 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

All of us who are old enough to remember the events of that day - and there are hundreds of millions of us - probably remember it fairly vividly. 

See...this is what I mean. I can't help but enjoy the fact that I'm able to say that I am one of those hundreds of millions who can say they remember such a life-changing event clearly.

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I was about to write the same thing. 

I was in university then (at a major Canadian university) and it was all over the news, the student community centre TVs, everywhere. All of us who are old enough to remember the events of that day - and there are hundreds of millions of us - probably remember it fairly vividly. 

10 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Absolutely. Millions of people worldwide. 
Also as Canadians we tend to know more of what is happening in the US than they ever know about us . 

lol guys obviously THE WHOLE WORLD was tuned in to that when it happened.

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Had they asked you tell them about it? 

 

Oddly, I don't remember. 

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I was in my 30’s . I think I was almost 35. 

I was 16. I turned 17 three weeks later; my parents gave me the gold Firefighter's Charm. I wore it to school and one of my teacher's said amazingly, "Your dad's a firefighter?!" (lol, she hesitated before she said "dad." Mom could've been one, after all. 😉)

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I remember being utterly horrified that day. I was in my 30’s . I think I was almost 35. My son was almost 4 years old then . He was utterly horrified as well and called it the “ big crash “ for years . Now at 26 those long ago memories are fading for him. 

It was my second day of my junior year of high school. Some people were misinformed and thought the WTC was bombed. Long story short, we were dismissed early and every single TV channel was in New York.

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

And how did that make you feel? 

Because I can nearly guarantee they didn't perceive you  as important to special because you happen to remember the events that day, like millions upon millions of us also do. 

I admit, I felt important. And they seemed interested. 👍

2 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Know what? I get my feeling of importance of seeing stuff like that from my dad. 😁

lol that's another trait I get from him (the curiosity to look at tragic/gruesome stuff.)

Haha, a bit off topic...but we always had dogs growing up, and I love kissing dogs on their lips 🐶 being licked my dogs, and enjoying the dog-smell. (Guess who I get that from? 😄)

One time we had a plumber in the basement, I was in the TV room, and my parents were in the kitchen. I kept hearing my dad kissing our dog, over and over 😙 until my mom said, "PAUL!" motioning for him to stop because the plumber was about to enter the kitchen. Sister and I also get our artistic talents from him. 🎨

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Has it actually ever happened that you've had the opportunity to do so? 

Do you still have this photo, that you've saved all this time?

This was before most phones had cameras so I assume you mean that you used a real camera to snap this picture. Is that correct? 

Actually yes, I spoke to some teenagers about three years ago about it.

Yes I used a Kodak disposable camera and still have the photo.   🙂

20 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Yes, there is something wrong to say that you enjoyed these horrific events.  
Quite frankly, it’s disturbing to read. 
Sorry, but you asked.  

18 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Please thank your father for his service. I can’t imagine. I just can’t. Sorrow was not just families. It was friends. Coworkers. I don’t think you can imagine. 

Know what? I get my feeling of importance of seeing stuff like that from my dad. 😁 Growing up, he talked about (well ok, maybe he did brag) about seeing stuff live, in real time, as it happened. (He saw Hitchcock's Psycho back in 1960 and said "people were screaming in the theatres!" and said he remembers when JFK was shot. My grandmother remembered that also and talked about it.)

Being a fireman he's seen some gruesome stuff (to put it mildly). 😵‍💫 Before he learned how to use the internet, he asked me to look up footage/images of people who landed from the Towers that fateful day. (I admit I'm curious myself and would've looked it up anyway.) lol that's another trait I get from him (the curiosity to look at tragic/gruesome stuff.)