markd321

Oh Christ...........what sort of hellish torture is this!!!!

Having broken this morning and emailing her.......I've just got back the dreaded out of office message!!!

Argh!!! All weekend now worrying!! NC all the way now, fingers burned, lesson learned, what a fool!

I gave in and emailed you today, Id managed my first week NC but just broke today.

As I suspected....no reply.

4 weeks ago you were telling me you loved me, you couldnt imagine being with anyone else, you only wanted to be with me......then it turned so quickly.....I wasnt as attentive or reassuring as you wanted me to be...then as always happens some bloke comes along who picks up on this and gives you what you are missing from me.

You said if the hurt wasnt so raw we would have tried again, but that right now you need to be happy and thats what he offers you.

You talked so much about the future, both before and after the split.....even saying that you felt we would be together again in the not too distant future........were those just platitudes? If we love each other this much then we should sit down as adults and talk and talk and talk. You even told me after you'd been seeing him for a 2 weeks that you just couldnt get me out of your head, that you couldnt speak to me because it felt as if you were cheating on him because your feelings for me are so strong.

I just wish we could talk, that I could show you.

I miss you E

And I've failed........I sent it, and straight away I had those pangs that I knew I'd get, those feelings of "You prat, you should have stayed strong" because I now know whats going to happen the rest of the afternoon......I'll be staring at my inbox.....She wont reply ..........and I'll feel even lower and even more of a fool for doing it.......back to day 1 tomorrow......

Day 8

This is tough - yesterday was fine, today awful.

I'm sat at work, I've typed out a short note just saying "Hi, hope you're ok"

I'm staring at it wanting to hit send. I want her to know I'm thinking about her so much............

Day 7

Just woke up and you're all that fills my mind.......this is going to be a * * * * day.

Day 6

All day I think of you - again. By the time the evening's come round Im just worn out, mentally exhausted, I just want to lie down and sleep, as much as I want to think of you I just cant. But I know an early night just means time to lie and think again

Day 5

This one has been the worst. She filled my mind as soon as I woke up and she hasn't left it all day. I feel so down, really want to drop her a line and put my arms around her.

I miss her so, so much, I dont know if I can keep this going already.

I tried not to do the begging, pleading thing - but ultimately failed!

This was for for 2 or 3 days before going N/C.

So i was glad I said some of the things I did, but also glad I didnt drag it out until she started resenting me.

God I miss you so much - it hurts thinking about you, but I have no control over when or how often I think of you, so I seem to always be hurting at the moment.

However - I feel hopeful for the future, I realise that not contacting you will help.

Day 4 - Went out with a female friend today, only to keep each other company as much as anyting, and I thought having someone there would help take my mind of the ex.....but it didnt......at various points, lulls in the day, she began to fill my mind again, images of her smiling, talking, being with me filled my head - This is going to be hard.

Day 3 - Kept myself occupied during the day to keep my mind off her - but when I stop for a minute she comes flooding back into my mind. I dont like the evenings - they give me time to remember her....which I do. And time to miss her......which I do

How long have you gone so far Foundyet?

After splitting from my ex we exchanged a few emails and had a couple of phone calls, in all of which I just opened up and was as she described "heart stoppingly honest and open" She said that my doing this was a good thing, whether she meant for her or for any future relationship I have I dont know.

Day 2

After speaking with her we both agreed NC is the only way if we are both to clear our heads and review things without emotions clouding.

But my god I miss her............