We515

Hello Everyone,

Right now I feel like the Queen of the F Ups. My history is I can never leave well enough alone. It seems that he found out that I had been spying on him. And now he has taken further steps to distance me. I feel so stupid right now. I know that any respect that he had for me has vanished.

WARNING For anyone that is reading this and you want to get your ex back: YOU MUST GO COMPLETE NC UNTIL YOU CAN GET YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK. FOR AT LEAST 3 -4WEEKS. Or you will be like me 4 months in and feeling like complete crap. My friends have stopped calling. And some of our mutual friends have stopped speaking to me. At first they would check to see how I was doing, but after hearing me going on and on about things I guess they have had enough.

i am really hoping since i have not begging to reconcile and told him i dont understand etc, and just basically walked away when he said it was over instead of pleading and all that maybe he will come around, and maybe not. He was just telling me the day before the break that he loved me and sent me texts throughout the day as normal saying thinking of you today.. hope your day is going well. so its hard to know what he is thinking. I am trying not to focus on him but oh my lord it is so very hard

Hi Heartbroken14,

I wish that I had done what you are doing now at the start of my breakup. From everything that I have read, no contact from the start is the right way to go. I truly believe that if I had done that from the start that we would be back together now. If you read my previous posts, you will see that I let my emotions get the better of me and did every mistake in the book. By the time I started looking online for books and advice I had basically alienated him and actually pushed him towards someone else. So now I am starting with NC and praying that 7 years together will win out in the end. I suggested some good books to read in an earlier post, also I did google "how to get your ex back" and found some good advice. Of course there are people selling ebooks and most will only repeat the same things and then try to sell you more stuff. So be aware. But I did find some free advice and the book by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil seems to be the best. We all know how hard this is...but I really think that you have a good chance of turning this around.

Peace and Love,

Ayana

Ok here goes. I have posted here earlier about starting NC. The love of my life broke up with me 4 months ago. We were together for 7 years and got married last year. Just before he broke up with me he got a job in another country. We were both planning to move there. A lot of things happened that led to our break up, including some health related and him having a crush on another woman. He is now overseas and having a long distance affair with this woman and seems to think she is the one for him. He has said that he loved me with all of his heart and at first we talked almost everyday and I was there for him whenever he needed me after he left. I realize now that I made big mistakes in doing that and in crying and asking to reconcile, etc. He has now become distant and harsh towards me. And very short. The other day he messaged that he did love me but he didn't know how, but it had changed. I realize that I must go NC, in order to heal and if there is to ever be any chance of a reconciliation. We do have some joint financial ties and I still have all of his belongings, since he was only able to take a couple of suitcases when he moved. His overseas contract is for 2 years, but he will be back for the holidays. He also found out that he will need major surgery and has asked me to come and be with him during his recovery. I am torn about this. I want to go, we were together during my cancer surgery and recovery 2 years ago. But I realize that this may not be the best thing for me to do. He doesn't have a date for the surgery yet, but believes that it may be scheduled for sometime next month.

I need all of the advice, support, etc. that I can get at this time.

Ayana

Just found this thread last night after my first day of NC. So it's day 2 for me today. He broke up with me a week ago after 6 years, saying he didn't love me the way i love him, and wants to be single. We're both 29. He really was my best friend in the whole world. I've sent a few emails, not begging or pleading, just saying i understand why he feels the way he does and if i give him space for a few weeks perhaps things might become clearer, and that six years is such a long time to just throw everything away without trying. I know i shouldn't have done that now. He replied saying he misses me like mad but this is for the best. I've had the worst week of my life

I will say that based on all of my reading ( I have read numerous books on getting an ex back) that NC is the best thing to do right now. Especially in the early stages of a breakup. I wish someone had told me this when my breakup was brand new. It's been about 4 months now and I made every mistake in the book. Crying, begging to understand, etc. Actually my friends did say to go NC so he could miss me and I didn't. I was too scared. And when he wanted to talk, I made myself available because I thought it would help us get back together. Actually, I just helped him process and heal. I didn't understand that he was in pain too since he left me! I recommend that you do some reading on how to go about winning him back. I suggest two really good books: How To Get Your Lover Back by Dr. Blaise Harris and Make Up, Don't Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (I believe that this one would have saved my relationship, if I had found it sooner) And I'm going to also recommend The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

 

Good Luck to you. Peace and Love,

Ayana

So today is going to be day 1 of NC. I should also note that the woman he is talking to lives in the states. They have not been physical and have been carrying on a long distance relationship via messaging/texting/skype/phone. They have also been flirting on Facebook. The killer is that we are very well known in our community and church and a lot of our friends have seen his behavior on Facebook and they think that he has lost his mind. Yesterday I noticed that he deleted the album with our wedding pictures from his Facebook page.

When they met she was in an open relationship with someone else. After 3 months of them messaging each other everyday, he asked if he could be her #2 in the open relationship and after 3 weeks of that they started planning a trip to Mexico together for December and he began to convince her to drop her #1. I made every mistake in the book. When he first broke up with me, I cried, begged, pleaded for him to work it out/explain why. When I went over to see him in May, I thought that we were having deep meaningful conversations, but he was only using me to work through the breakup. At first he was so sad and confused. I wish I had started NC from the beginning.

Now I am praying that once he and this woman spend some actual time together he will see how wrong she is for him.

This is why I joined this forum. I need support with NC. I still love my husband. He got a job in Finland in April. I am still in the States. Before he left we had a lot of stress, surrounding his new job, school and some health issues. He met this girl and started BB msging her. I called her and basically said lay off, we have a good life and we are moving to Finland. I asked her not to tell him that we talked. Then we separated for a week, but he went to see her and she told him that she talked to me. He got angry said that I lied about talking to her and we were finished. He moved to Finland for his job a month later, however the last thing he said at the airport was that he did love me and wanted me to come over. (as we had planned) Then 3 weeks later he announced he wanted to be single. He started talking/messaging her every day, sometimes all day. She is very juvenile acting in her posts on FB. He is 31 and just earned his Ph. D. We were together for 7 years. Now he is saying that he loves her and thinks that she is the one. This has been going on since April. I went to see him and spent a week, then he asked me to come back in June. I did not go. Now he has to have surgery (maybe in August) and he wants me to come over to help him out when he has the surgery. I have tried NC and only made it a week. Then he contacted me and I started talking to him again. Then I tried it again, this time he got very angry.

I want to put our marriage back together. I need support with NC. And should I go and be with him when he has his surgery?

Ayana