ForgetYourEvil

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and your family!

I was at the gym yesterday, and this absolutely beautiful, funny, and nice girl was staring at me (so my friend says). So I went over to her and sure enough, she replied "I like your socks." Just like that, we chatted and I set up a date with her for dinner in a few days.

You snooze, you lose, ex.

Day 26. Can't believe it.

I'm doing well! I had a dream about you.. that you found another guy.. but he was a complete loser. He didn't love you. He just used you. Seriously. Don't you realize that there is no one better for you? I am it. I'm the one. You can't see it yet. But you're smart.. you'll figure it out. Listen to your heart.. not your friends. You know I'm right.

Look at me, working late. On my laptop at home. Kicking a-- at my job. Loving my life. Crushed it at the gym. I'm looking the best I ever have.

You're missing out on all of this.. but that's okay. Because life keeps on going on for me.

Boom. Got my down payment all set. Buying a house in the next few months. You're missing out on an awesome life with me. I will keep moving forward, baby!

I miss you... or is it just the idea I created of you?

"I just made you up.. to hurt.. myself..... and it worked.. YES IT DID! THERE IS NO YOU, THERE IS ONLY ME. THERE IS NO YOU, THERE IS ONLY ME. THERE IS NO FU-KING YOU! THERE IS ONLY ME. THERE IS NO FU-KING YOU! THERE IS ONLY ME. ONLY... Only.... only... only...." - Trent Reznor (NIN), Only

Day 24. Second round of NC.

Killing me.

Hope you're enjoying this Christmas week.

Despite the hurt, I will always love you.

A:

 

It has been a while but a couple of things on my mind today:

 

- I miss you very much and will always love you. I never left you.

- There is nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong, you followed your path to happiness.

- But, having done that, it is far far too late for us to ever be together again. That will never happen even if we were the last two humans alive in the universe. Not that you would want to either, but am just coming at it from my perspective.

- You should stop sending me your once-a-year happy birthday texts. I do like (and even expect) to get those wishes; however it keeps a faint connection alive and that is not fair to me anymore. You should delete my number, photos, any connection at your end, since it was you who moved on.

- I remember all our moments. I could have been a better person for you. I wish I had been.

 

-H

This is an awesome perspective. Is it your birthday today?

Just saw the new Star Wars movie in the theater we always went to. Loved the movie. Hope you're doing well. I think today is officially three weeks of NC. I'm making huge gains at the gym and huge gains in my quest to get over you so that the future can bring me whatever it is meant to bring. Definitely miss us, but you did what you felt was the best for us both. So I'm learning to just let go and trust that.

I know its not healthy, but by the time I sell all my stuff to get out it will be February and he will have already left. Nevermind I don't really have anything worth enough.. A car I will never part with, and then my daily driver which I need.. The next 2 weeks are busy for me, so I will continue to keep busy between work and the holidays. January will be harder, but I will continue to distract myself. A couple friends are both moving a week apart in january, so that will keep me busy for a few days. A couple birthdays will get me out of the house on the weekend.. I'm frustrated, but its not really deeply effecting me right now. I know I have other places to stay for a few nights if I need to. I've been through worse, I will survive.

Yikes. Still.. I'd leave YESTERDAY if I were in your situation.. ask your friends if you can stay with them.. family.. anything. Get out of that environment.

I'm so sick of everything I do being questioned. WE ARE NOT TOGETHER. Its been almost a month (holy , I hope the next 6 weeks go by this fast lol). I bought new jeans because I ripped the crotch out of my last pair.. The same reason I bought pants throughout our relationship.. Because I always rip the crotch out of my pants..Not because I'm seeing someone. I got my eyebrows waxed because your daughter keeps stealing my tweezers and I had a unibrow.. Not because I'm seeing someone. I got my hair cut because it had been over a year since I got it cut, and I made the appointment when we were still together.. Not because I'm seeing someone. Why have I even tried explaining these things to you? Why can't I just tell you to eff off.. Oh yeah, because I don't want to live in a war zone. Questioning where I've slept when I have gone out the past few weekends.. Claiming I never come home.. Actually only spent the night at a friends once, because your daughter was here sleeping on the couch will leaves me nowhere to sleep. You convince yourself of these crazy things that haven't happened.. For the last time, I broke up with you because your a lunatic, we are two different people, completely different goals and interests.. Among all the crazy that follows you around from your irresponsible past and all the stupid you have done to me. I'm not seeing anyone, if you choose not to believe me your only hurting yourself.. I will now prepare myself for another horrible night sitting in silence in the same house until you accuse me of something stupid again like my life is somehow your business.

You gotta get the f out of this environment. I don't care if you have to sell all of your crap to get your own place. This is NOT healthy....

Lost count. What has it been.. nearly three weeks? Since I last sent you a text.. since I last saw words on my phone from you.. meaningless words.. Finally, I can heal because I'm done reaching out. I'm not obsessing about the next magic text to send you. No.. the only way we can ever be together (if EVER) is if you contact me, apologize, and beg for me back. Because you tore out my f---ing heart, like in the sacrifice scene in the movie Apocalypto. You have NO IDEA the pain I have been going through. You have NO IDEA what it's like to have your future plans shattered.. you claim to have given me "many chances," but that's just a lie. That's you justifying your actions.

I begged, pleaded, cried, hugged, proposed, showered you with apologies.. and none of it did a single thing -- but just drive you away for good. No idea what you're doing.. but f--- it if I'm going to waste my life waiting around for you. I'm moving on... and if you want me back, ever, you gotta chase me now.

So it's over? I didn't realize

It's so much colder

But it was no surprise

Did you ever

Get to know me?

'Cause it has never been so plain to see

When you say you won't forget me

I can tell you that's not true

'Cause every day since you left me

I've thought less and less of you

And I've worn out all the reasons

To keep on knocking at your door

Could be the changing of the seasons

But I don't love you anymore

The door is open

You whisper to me

As you stood frozen

Deep on certainty

I hope that you know

What I am thinking

Before you go

With your heart sinking

When you say you won't forget me

Well I can tell you that's not true

'Cause every day since you left me

I've thought less and less of you

And I've worn out all the reasons

To keep on knocking at your door

Could be the changing of the seasons

But I don't love you anymore

Anymore

Anymore

Every single day we don't talk (lost count), I realize more and more that I don't need you in my life (and why would I?). Clearly, you want nothing to do with me or my life... I mean, you broke up over the phone.. then sent your brother over with a "closure" letter. You didn't even have the guts to face me in person and do this right. Now you won't even talk to me -- I've been the one to reach out EVERY SINGLE TIME only to get your cold, terse responses. I'm trying not to waste a second of my f-cking life on you any longer. I am becoming stronger. I won't let you bring me and my amazing life down. The best revenge is success, baby... and I'm rockin' and rollin' in life. I was your A+ boyfriend. Miss me. Miss me like I miss you. You will. I know you will.

Watching the debate. I remember telling you that Carly would take over and surge in the polls. She's awesome. Though Trump is going to win the nomination (and I know you don't like Trump.. lol). So, anyway, I thought you'd like that. Hope you're doing well.

Now that we are NC I feel like I am struggling even more. I don't get to know if you are thinking about me and I don't get to talk to you and hear your voice. I keep losing in this situation but I don't want to anymore. I want to be happy without you and most importantly happy with myself. I thought I was a catch but apparently I was not, but I want to feel like I am one again. I want you to regret the fact that you left me. I want you to come back but I know you won't, and I have to accept that. I hope someday we can be friends but right now I guess I have to focus on me and then hopefully during that time you change your mind or I finally find peace.

THIS. The hardest part of NC is not knowing how he/she feels and not knowing when you'll hear from them again. That's why it is imperative to just assume you never will hear from them ever again as long as you live. I also want my ex to come back, but that isn't realistic. It's now been 2 months to the day since the breakup. She's gone. Acceptance is hard, but it's SO IMPORTANT. Hang in there. If you're meant to be friends, you will be when the time is right. Trust the UNIVERSE. Trust God. Trust life. Just let him/her go. You are a catch! You just weren't the right fit. That's all. Don't take it personally.. your right fit is out there. Just focus on you now.

Not sure what day this is.. of my second round (and permanent round) of NC. Think it's like Day 18 or something.. trying not to count. Hope you're doing well. It's officially been two months today since the breakup, and I'm still healing. Thought I'd be over you 100% by now, but I f--ked that up by contacting you in November several times. Still not over you entirely. Though my confidence is coming back, as the days pass with NC. I'm FINALLY realizing I am the prize and I DESERVE BETTER. But I'll continue to send you love. Hate and anger are negative emotions. Hope you're okay and happy.

I haven't heard from you since Thanksgiving.

Who knows what the hell you're doing right now. But hey, I'm healing finally. I'm finally moving the F on with my life. I know you'll come crawling back at some point, when you realize the grass is not greener, baby. No f-ing way is it greener. You had EVERYTHING you really wanted with me.. and you just tossed it away like it meant nothing to you. You listened to your "wh0re" friends about what is best for you. Like they know.

Anyway, hope you had another awesome weekend and I hope you're enjoying the rain. I'm trying to move from hate to love, because, in the end, we're all just chalk lines on the concrete. So does any of this really matter anyway?!

You have NO idea what you did to me emotionally. You have NO IDEA the tears I have cried, the pain I went through, and the agony I endured. While you danced around at night enjoying your life, I mourned the loss of you and the relationship.

But the tables will turn. Soon, I will be so strong that NOTHING will take me down again.. and you will be the one wanting me back. I just know it.

My goal is to stop caring and stop hating you.

I have a similar goal. Fantastic.

15 days of No Contact now. Another night passed... another weekend night. What are you doing? I have no idea. Do you even care? I doubt it. Funny, because this time last year, we were so in love. I don't understand this right now. Hopefully in the future, I will be able to. Today is hard... weekends are hard.... I miss you... I really do. But I have to be strong, accept the relationship is OVER, and work on myself.

TWO WEEKS of NO CONTACT now. Round 2. I bet you're wondering why I stopped chasing you.. want to know why? BECAUSE IT WASN'T DOING ME ANY GOOD.. emotionally.. or anything. The only way to ever get you back is to get over you 100%. To move on.

I can't bring myself to delete you.. or... block you.. but I won't talk to you. I'll see you there.. and not say a word. Read your PROFILE about licking your new man UP AND DOWN and how you love him. After all those years with me.. horrible. DAY 1 SUCKS. NC SUCKS.. but it's for the best. I HAVE TO FORGET MY EVIL.

Day 1 of NC. Going crazy. You sent me this message this morning on gchat to probably try to get me to talk to you: "just wanna let u know i didn't go into a coma.. im gonna go on a long walk and disappear"...

This is HARD. This HURTS. Why can't you clear up your head, get off the drugs, and start thinking about what you're doing to yourself and to me.

Why does it have to be NC or nothing. I tried everything else.. NC is what it has to be. Gonna need help doing this.

After 5 and a half years, you'd think that I'd at least feel loved. You cheated on me back in December 2008. Tore my heart apart. Lied to me about it for the longest time too.. I took that weekend off from studying for my law exams to spend time with you. But you simply blew me off and crashed at HIS apartment.. I didn't even know he existed until I found out from your friend where you were. Then you telling me to "chill out" and that I'm "psycho" for thinking you really cheated. The worst part is, all the time while you * * * * ed around with HIM, I never got over you. You still cheated on him with me. He left you because of it. We got back together and JUST NOW I find out that you aren't over him. You love him and never really loved me. Well.. if you want to do your drugs with him, that's what it has to be. I am successful and help you out with your drug problems and try to be there for you. But you just seem to want to be with someone who has been in jail, does drugs all the time, and has no future like you. It sucks. You dropped out of school because HE broke up with you. You really REALLY are making a huge mistake by choosing him over me. But I guess I need to realize that you aren't worth it. I deserve the best for myself, and someone who cheats on me (like this past Saturday.. with HIM AGAIN.. ugh) and lies to me about it.. and lies about everything.. and has major drug problems.. is not someone I WANT TO BE AROUND. It's hard because you are beautiful and the good times are amazing. It's hard because everywhere I go, I think of you. But I need to look at who you really are.. you changed. You are really a girl going down into a downward spiral.. and because I won't tolerate your behavior, you have to settle for someone who will.. the guy you cheated on me with anyway. It's my fault for going back to you thinking he was gone and you changed. You never did. All of the thousands of dollars I spent on you this year alone.. all for naught. All for you to look nice and sexy for your pothead, cokehead, prescription drug popping loser. Shame on me.