mikel01

 

don't beat yourself up...look at it as being successful for 12 days...

 

why didn't you get closure? i ask because i am wanting/needing the same...not sure if i'll get it but i NEED it...my personal view is if they are a quality person then they will give us information so there is closure. if not....well i think it speaks volumes about them as a person. i hope you get your closure so you can move on with your life...hang in there.

Thanks. I will look at it that way.

I don't know it I will get the closure from him. It is most likely from within me and me forgiving and forgetting. He was a good guy, but we were in different places in our lives. I understand his need to move on and explore different options. He broke up with me by email after 3 and half years of in a serious relationship. Not only was it by email. It was only two lines. I just want more then that and I feel that the time that we had together deserves more then two lines. I am still a bit hurt and angry at that. I just want him to tell me that I was an important part of his life and that I am a good beautiful person but just not the one for him. I don't know if that will make things better, but at least it is something. Thanks for the support. I hope that you too will find your closure.

It is supposed to be Day 12, but I couldn't complete the challenge. I broke NC today by emailing him. It was really short though. He'll be back in the states in less then two weeks. I just wrote "just wanted to wish you a safe trip home" and that was it. I don't expect a response. I really think what happened was that I just thought about him coming back and there would be a slim chance that we would talk. We haven't talked at all since the break up almost 4 months ago except for a few "hope you're doing well" or suggestions on stuff emails.

It was 3 and a half years that we were together, and a part of me doesn't have enough closure since he broke up with me when we were doing the long distance thing. I am hoping for a meeting, but am not sure about the outcome. I guess by sending him that short message I am trying to show that he can still reach out if he wants to. I'm just weak right now.

I wonder how long it is going to take before dreaming of him stops, or at least stops happening on a daily basis. I've literally gotten back together with him in my dreams every single night since the break up (i'm at around 35 days of NC). It's so hard to wake up and know it's not true, and not only that, but I can't even talk to him...

 

At least it is getting a lot easier to handle the pain during the day

 

I know what you mean. It has been almost 4 months since our break up and I still dream of him every night. The good ones do leave you feeling very empty knowing that it was only a dream. I guess I have gotten used to it and it hasn't affected me too much.

 

Day 11

I had a dream about him last night. Usually my dreams are of us working things out. Well last night was a different dream. A part of him that I stopped thinking about. It is so crazy that when they break up with us, we put them on a pedestal and forget their flaws. Well last night's dream was about his biggest flaw.

 

My ex is a great guy who is funny, hard working, and intelligent, but he has some emotional issues and deals with bouts of depression. When he is depress, he would drink to the point of black outs and binge on drugs for a day or two. It would only happen once in a while, but every time it was horrible and it shook me up. A lot of our issues stemmed from the drug use and the alcohol abuse. I was very protective and guarded of who he was around because it really influenced his decisions. Of course he knew I was right, but part of him was resentful of the control that I had placed over him. So we fought about the friends and he felt trapped. Of course when he was on his fitness and work out kick, we were always so happy together.

 

The point is that I had a dream about him having one of his alcohol and drug binge and all the old angry and scared emotions came back. I woke up reminded that this break up is the best thing for me. I hope that he will be able to get over the depression therefore eliminating the alcohol and drug abuse in the future. As of now, I don't trust that he will anytime sonn and it's best that we are broken up.

Day 10 - I have dreams of him every night. Usually when I wake it doesn't affect me at all. But for some reason last night was more vivid then the others and I am finding myself thinking about him through out the day so far. Hopefully it'll go away by this afternoon.

Day 9 - WOW!!! The days are flying by. Getting rid of his stuff and deleting him from facebook as made a big difference. I no longer have any thing that reminds me of him lying around the apartment and it has helped me when I am home. Still missing him, but understanding that you can't make someone be with you if they aren't capable of doing so.

Good job for getting rid of his stuff. Yeah it really DOES feel like there's a weight off your shoulders doesn't it? I met up with an old friend I hadn't seen in a couple months recently, and she told me that I looked different... and I said different how? and she said "well, you look lighter, light before this when you were still with ****, you used to always seem to have a huge weight on your shoulders, and like you were always thinking too much."

 

I guess the relationship and my ex were really a burden to me towards the end!! It's a good thing to get rid of them exes and start afresh with a blank slate! tabula rasa baby.

 

You definitely know that you are better off when people notice it in your aura. That is awesome. Seems like you are doing incredibly well.

 

Day 8 Feeling good. Enjoying my Monday and the awesome weather here. Also, one more thing. I finally removed him as a friend on facebook. I didn't want to before because I didn't want it to look like I am bitter. But I decided that it was best because I had been stalking a lot. Now I can't and don't want to.

Day 7 and I dropped off the rest of his stuff at his dad's house today. He won't be back into the country for another 2 weeks so he wasn't there. I ran out of there so fast before anyone saw the water works. Now I feel good. A huge weight off my shoulders. I am definitely on the road to recovery. I still miss him, but I am having peace with it all.

Broke it yesterday after 10 months. Told him thank you for everything. Asked him NOT to respond as I still cared for him.

 

He did. It was cold and heartless.

 

I should have stayed NC.

I'm sorry about that. It's a lesson learned and you don't need to be with someone who is cold and heartless anyway. Best to you.

Day 6

I am so much better today. My mindset is different and it's partially because I don't try to read or write about the break up anymore. When I get that urge, I get up and go do something for 10 minutes. Am I over it? NO!!! But I am trying to look forward to MY future.

Also, today I am dropping of the rest of his belongings at his dad's house. My place will be clear of him and I think that will help a lot. I decided that breaking up is hard enough, but it's definitely worst when you are living with the person. Will try to stay away from that for the time being.

I am on Day 5 of NC and 3.5 months after the break up. Had some ups and downs and LC. Well today I am doing very good. Things are happening and I am embracing it all with a open heart an an open mind.

I though my life was falling apart little did I know it was falling together.

Made it through Day 3. It was tough, but I did it. Now on to Day 4 and I feel good. I am beginning to appreciate the break up because I am making decisions for my future that I would not even fathom before because it would not have included him. Last night I started to think. When I was with him, I had him but not much else because my focus was on him and him only. It wasn't his fault. It was my own and I take responsibility for myself. I no longer have him in my life, but now I have so much more so the I think the trade off is in my favor. Thanks M*******. You did a good thing.

Going to Day 3 - I want to contact him so bad today. Today is the anniversary of his grandfather's dead, and I know he is hurting today. His grandfather raised him and was the closest person to him. I just want to reach out and give him a hug. But I know he has a lot on his mind, and the last thing he needs is to have to think about me. *sigh*

Made it through Day 2 and starting Day 3. Woo Hoo!!! I know I can do this.

Oh Boy. Day 1 officially begins again after LC for a little bit. So far so good.