parlae

I feel a little jealous that your exes contact you. I don't think my ex will ever contact me again.

i dont know about everyone else, but with my ex contacting me..it definitely didnt happen overnight.

at first, i couldnt bring myself to keep NC for more than a week.

and when i'd contact him, he'd just ignore me.

call me crazy, but i kept trying every few days lol i just couldnt leave it the way we left things. so i had sent him one last message saying how i thought it was really childish that we couldnt even be friends after being together for almost 3 years;he finally text me back and said that he had no problems being friends with me. he just knew that i wanted more than to just be his friend. so i told him all i wanted was to keep his friendship and to still have him in my life if at all possible. so we decided to be friends. and i guess that gave me some confidence, or even a bit of closure i guess you could call it,and after that...NC was easy.and ever since then, i havent initiated any contact.he texts/calls almost every day now. we're still "just friends" but we both know it's more than that. just taking things slow. but it's back to the way it was when we first started "dating/talking".

he's leaving in march to go to afghanistan for 5-6 months, so we're gonna still just keep in touch and see how things go for that time period, and once he gets back from his deployment..if we still both want it, we can be together again. and that's totally fine with me.

just keep your head up,brazilgirl.

what's meant to be, will be. you gotta remember that and trust in it.

best of luck and to everyone else as well.

ughhh so i broke NC...he called and texted me twice...i just felt so bad...so i called him back, heres the convo:

 

him: how r u

me: fine

him: why have u been ignoring me

me: b/c i need space

him: y didnt u tell me

me: i did

him: okay lorayah bye

me: bye

 

now he's mad at me and won't ever wanna tlk 2 me...this sucks, i think its childish 2 do this stupid NC thing.

from that 'conversation', how could you get that? (that he's mad and never wants to talk to you again)

all he said was ok.

and why do you think NC is childish? it really helps. the first few days are just very hard.

you can do it though! be strong.

why would you tell your ex you're going into NC? It defeats it

i agree!

if my ex ever told me they were going NC for a month (or for whatever time period)

i'd just be like "ok. talk to you in a month". lol

it totally defeats the purpose of going NC, in my opinion.

because then they wont ever have to stop and think, "hmm..why is he/she not trying to communicate with me anymore?"... they'll already know your plan.

a better alternative may be to tell THEM not to contact you anymore.

another question: making each other disappear from each others lives doesnt really sound like something that will bring us together again...

it gives both of you time to re-evaluate the relationship

and also time/space away from each other, to make him miss you....which thereforee will put into perspective whether the break up was a mistake or if it was for the best.

(that probably wasnt put into the best words, but it's the best i could do lol )

Do you guys have problems believing your ex is perfect? Like sheesh, it's easy for you to tell me to move on, your ex wasn't as perfect as mine. Guilt about not being perfect back.

 

Anyone have that? I can't rationalize that my ex is NOT the best boyfriend in the world.

what you need to remember is, NOBODY is perfect.

i'm sure he was a great guy. but no matter how good he was, he is NOT perfect. and neither are you.

if we were all perfect, this forum probably wouldnt even exist lol.

To the second question: Depends. If I'm the dumper and I said those words and then subsequently realized I was wrong, I'd approach her for reconciliation. If I'm the dumpee, I'm not coming back. She has to come back.

exactly!

if you're the dumpee, it's really not your place to ask for them back. ya know?

they made the decision to not be with you anymore, they'd have to make the decision to come back.

day 2 for me.

my challenge is kinda different now.

since me & my ex have became "friends" and started talking again (every now & then)

my challenge is that, on the days when he doesn't initiate contact, i'll be NC.

thereforee, everything is all up to him. it's all in his hands.

if he wants to contact me, he knows my email, my house phone number, my cell number, etc...

and the fact that we've been making slight communication, does make it harder on me to NOT initiate contact on the days when i don't hear from him.

but i've been doing good so far. and i'm feeling very optimistic about the possibility that we could be together again in the future to stay positive.

i hope it only goes up from here.

We're a couple again

that's great.

i'm happy for you.

I'm trying to make things easy on him. But at the same time I plan on making sure he knows that he can't have me back just because he's sorry.

congratulations redreine

i could tell your situation was going in the right direction

keep us posted!

Aww i'm glad he text you, I wish mine did!

 

Does he have a new GF or anything?

he's been "dating" but not exclusively, and i dont know how that's going... i don't really wanna know lol

well, guess what everyone?!...

i was wrong.

he did contact me today and say happy valentine's day

it really surprised me. i kept double checking to make sure it was real lol.

he also asked if i had a date..

lol

today has just gotten better.

VALENTINE'S DAY....

my favorite holiday,

until this year...

i really thought i'd take it better than this.

but when i woke up, i realized it's harder on me than i had thought.

i had to get up early to go see my nephew play basketball and my niece cheerleading..

i always play music while i get dressed, so just like any other day...i turned on the radio

and i had totally forgot, it's valentine's day so they're gonna be playing love songs all day..

it sucked. as soon as i turned on the radio, i started crying.

i've been strong for the past week or so. but today just hit me really hard.

i can't help but think of him and who/what he'll be doing tonight..

but on the other hand, i'm proud of everyone else on here who has said valentine's day hasnt bothered them too much. i'm happy for you guys.

she just sent me a message on facebook about wanting to spank my ass!! ignored that im off to a party tonight woo hoo

lmao

that was so random and i definitely did not expect to read that just now.

but thanks for lightening the mood. lol.

I broke NC, which I started on February 9. The next day, I emailed him a letter letting him know these things:

1. Asked for forgiveness for making him feel confused.

2. Told him I respected and admired him for being committed to AA and school.

3. Agreed with break-up and told him that I also need time to work on myself.

4. Let him know that I am here if he needs me or wants to talk.

 

I expected no response. The next day, as I was applying to a job, I found a job posting that would be great for him. I emailed it to him letting him know that I was just applied to this place and saw this posting that he would be ideal for.

 

He emailed me back yesterday to tell me thanks for the job posting and all the letters and emails. I then texted him thanking him for his message and just asked if he wanted to go for a quick coffee. He immediately replied that he was going to be on campus till late. I then replied no problem, another time perhaps and wished him a nice day. I did not expect any response, and I did not get any.

 

So now, I am going NC again. I just needed to say my peace and make one last effort before going quiet. I feel good about it because I feel like I did it more for me than for him. And I did it from a place of love knowing that I have no right to expect a response. I hope that the door is still open. I feel calm but, of course, long for him. But he needs to be alone, and I need to work on my own self. I just hope that we can meet again when our timing is better for truly I believe that he and I could have a great love story. So back to Day 1, today, Friday the 13th!

sounds great to me.

the way you handled it, and everything you said to him in the message, was perfect.

i'm proud of you

and like someone else already said, i'm sure you'll have a good chance of being with him again.

best of luck with everything. i hope it works out.

Healing is a necessary step if you're looking for a reconciliation. You can't "skip it" or just pretend you're not hurt.

exactly!

i'm still in the early stages of the break up (it's only been about two months)

but i still understand that statement.

what do you gain from pretending that you're not hurt? nothing.

whether you want a reconciliation or not, healing is key.

brazilgirl--

how do you think the meeting will go? like, how are you expecting this to change anything?

are you going to meet with him?

If you continue to over analyze everything you ex throws at you then you are not ready to break NC.

i fully agree.

that's why i'm just enjoying the friendship me and my ex are having now.

i'm not over-analyzing anything that he says, and not expecting anything out of the situation either.

like you said, actions speak louder than words. so there's no need to over analyze what someone says...the way they act towards you is more accurate to their feelings, right?

example, if they're being nice/sweet to you in texts and you start thinking "well maybe this means he wants to get back together"...erase that from your mind. if someone wants to be with you, they're going to be proactive and SHOW you they want you back in their life.

am i correct?

I forgot all about ever touching him, how he feels like, how he smells like, I don't even remember how he held me... I blocked him from my memories already...

how have you done that? lol

i feel like i'll always remember how my ex smells/feels and how he held me, the way he would look at me, etc.

I'm actually happy that I broke NC.

me too.

i feel bad for breaking the challenge rules. but i'm proud that i wasnt the one who initiated it. i had no plans of contacting him, he texted me out of the blue yesterday. and today too, actually.

i'm glad that me and my ex are on a friends-basis right now

it feels really good just talking to him.

its back to how it was before we were dating.

and that's totally fine with me for now.

Parlae > I'd say go out tomorrow night, spend it with friends, just don't sit home alone THINKING. I know how bad I'll feel if I do that, especially when I know my ex won't even giving me one single passing thought tomorrow. I've made plans to go out with friends and try to have fun, it's the only way I'll get through the night. Why should I say in, get depressed and feel worse with each passing hour when I know she's off having fun with him, not even caring about me? It will achieve nothing.

i know it's not good to sit here thinking about what he'll be doing tomorrow.

if i could go out with friends, trust me..i would.

i usually go out every other normal night, but my friends are all in relationships. so obviously they're going out with their guys for v-day. lol

Why the hell do I keep torturing myself with this sh!t?! I even fantasise about the exact words we say to each other, down to the smallest details. She won't even give me a single fleeting thought tomorrow. Not one. NOT ONE.

i'm sorry you're feelin that way.

i'm really nervous about tomorrow too.

i know,only in my greatest dreams would he even THINK about me tomorrow.

but i still keep thinkin about it.

i'm scared to accept anyone's date invitations. so i bet i'll probably end up spending the day/night alone at my house...thereforee i'll be thinking about HIM the whole time...

tomorrow is gonna be depressing..i already feel it

I think when we are in so much hearbreak, hope is the only thing that keeps us going. We are humans, hope never really dies. I'm an optimist as well, which makes it harder. I'm still SO full of hope.

optimist here as well.

no matter the situation between me and my ex, i'm still filled with hope. because for some reason i feel in my heart that he's the one.

i know i'm young and probably sound crazy for saying that.

but, i'm not just saying it because i'm not comfortable living my life without him, or any other reason like that.

i just know he's the greatest person i've ever met in my life. he knows me better than anyone, and vice versa. we have so much in common and had a great friendship before we ever started dating.

i dont know... just something keeps me hanging on to the fact the we're "meant" to be together.

we're back to how we were when we were dating, minus the terms of endearment. I actually offered to help him make a better profile on the dating site. He told me he was in no hurry to meet anyone.

how do you feel about that? (being back to how you guys were)

and would you really be comfortable helping him make a profile on a dating site?

Luckily I'm planning on being busy for the whole day and night on Saturday...

i STILL have yet to decide what i'm gonna do that night.

a few guys have asked to take me out on a date and "be their valentine" but it just doesnt feel right... so i'm nut sure.

Its easier for me because I deleted her number so i cant contact her even if I wanted to.

does that actually work for you?

i know it wouldnt change anything for me

because i know all his numbers by heart...

I keep having weird 'feelings' that she will get in touch with me on Valentine's Day. BUT I KNOW SHE WON'T!!! Why do I torture myself with thoughts of things that I know won't happen?!

brokenheart,i've felt the same way lately.

i dont know WHY, but i've been having feelings like i know he'll text me just to say happy valentine's day or something.

but i KNOW he wont..(and of couse i WANT him to lol) it's frustrating, huh?

it really won't do you any good in the long run as it won't allow you to learn how to heal or deal with your pain independently of him. He'll end up being your shoulder to cry on, your crutch.

that's the same thing i'm tryin to work on right now.

everytime something goes wrong, or i have a bad day, etc...

i feel like i have to call my ex.

because for 3 years, he was my "go-to" person for support, ya know.

pretty much the ONLY person i'd take my problems to, aside from my bestfriend.

but it's also like that with funny things...

if i hear/see somethin funny that reminds me of him, or somethin that i know he would find amusing..i wanna tell him so bad lol.

it's weird. but i've been doin pretty good with that lately i guess

but how did she expect to feel? You can't just cut ties, walk away and not feel at least a bit strange or like there's something 'missing'.

ya never know. there are some HEARTLESS people out there...

Day7

The girl my ex is interested in looks alot like me.

lol! i thought the same thing of the girl my ex was "dating" for like a week. lol guess she couldnt compare to me?? lol...

im now exactly a month no contact!!!!!!

good job!

I have the same feeling, it sucks at the same time though! I even said to her a few weeks after the breakup that 'one day we will meet again'.

oh yea, it still sucks lol the fact that you "know" they'll be back, doesnt change the fact that you're not together right now.

trust me, i agree on that...it definitely sucks lol.

i'm just tryin to stay strong.

some days are better than others...