digitaldiva

DAY 11

My life is falling apart. I think this is one of the only relationships I will truly regret forever. The guilt of doing so many things wrong is seriously killing me. Job is falling apart too. He tried so hard to make it work between us and I just argued so much and acted such an a** on many things.

Day 10

I thought of calling a second ago. He's back in town. I grabbed the phone.... My stomach started to churn, I felt dizzy, my mouth is dry, and I'm sweatin.... Good reason, not to call, amongst the other obvious reasons...

Wish I had some sleeping pills. I still can't get to sleep.

I want to shut off these feelings for him. I want to NOT want him anymore.

1 more hour and it will be 11 days of NC.

I wonder if he's smooth sailing....

Do you remember the post I sent to you a week ago when I told you he will call you??

I'm going to tell you AGAIN... He's going to call back. Especially since he thinks that you two have sort of "made up"..... Let's Be Strong...

That's when experience should kick in. We have to learn that getting emotional when we see an ex is not going to work. That's when you find the strength within you to act in a dignified manner no matter how intense the feelings are.

 

And, yes, I agree with Rapunzel. My ex always suddenly behaved in a caring/warm/loving manner whenever I gave her her freedom and acted as if breaking up was fine by me. The problem is, I always reverted back to my old self soon after and I started acting like I wasn't ok with it all.

I think this is the main reason why we broke up and got back together many times.

Why is it so dang hard?? I'm thinking of calling my ex right now and I'm sweatin' thinking about. He called during Thanksgiving and I didn't answer nor return his call. I was with family and didn't want to get all emotional. thereforee, he may not be so nice when I call him.

DAY 10....

...**shudders**

If you dont mind me asking, how many times have you broke NC?

 

Stay strong

We broke up on Oct 18th.... Went NC for about 10 days. Back in touch in Nov a few times, now I've gone NC again. It's been extremely LC.

Why do you ask?

The only way to get them back is to initially not look back yourself. At some point they will realise that you arent there and come looking, but only if they want to find you. Then you can begin whatever strategy you may have. Im sure this is a generalisation but its better than paying $$$ when everything you ever need can be found posted by the human beings on this board. But who actually takes the advice that works? Not many of us including me, because we think we know best, so dont usually follow the advice in books to the letter anyway. Waste of money in most cases.

I think we want to take the advice. But when we see the one we love, we get emotional. The emotion clouds our judgement then we react irrational.

I wouldn't say they are a waste of money. I may not have made a lot of the good choices I made in my relationship if I wouldn't have read them. The relationship would have fizzed out long ago.

To the OP, thanks for the links.

 

link removed AND link removed are excellent ways to put it. I hope everyone on this forum reads this and understands why most relationships / reconcilaitions often fail.

I bought so many relationship books after this break. I don't think I can buy anymore. Did you buy it? Did it work?

I think I love him so much I'm going to have to let him go. I can't imagine having a buddie friend dinner with him when he knows in his mind that we will NEVER get back together.

My Day 1 will be tomorrow, i definitely need to cut him out completely this time. I've learnt my lesson. One thing what needs to be done is to bring more positivity into my life and not to mull over things concerning him as he simply wasn't worth it.

 

My advice would be to do things for yourself too, don't let the ex control your thoughts anymore, don't revolve around them, do things for YOU.

I think I may need to leave e-notalone for a while. I'm not sure if it helps with issues pertaining to the ex or just fuels the flames....

Do you ever feel so confident on the first day of NC and think "I can do this. I will never contact them again!", then as time goes by, you feel like there was just that one last thing you want to say to them? But that one last thing becomes a bunch of things and you can't NOT respond to their emails or texts? Grrrrr. This is what's happening to me right now.

 

 

 

DAY 8

 

I go back and fourth with NC LC! I'll talk to him when I feel confident enough. Right now I'm NC. I think it's because I'm home with my family for the holidays. When I go back home I'll be by myself so ya'll help me be strong!

Great Thread...

If I had known the breakups get more painful I would have stayed broken up. Problem is she never wanted to work on any of her problems. But at least I tried.

I'm not sure why they get so much more painful, but they do. When my ex and I first broke up, I was devastated. But a week later I was working out, hanging out. He called for dinner. I felt confident and happy to see him. After I saw him, it all came crashing down. On the next date I asked to get back together. He said NO and I haven't been able to get myself back since.....

Of course I broke all "the rules".

I'm very sorry you're having to go through this.

You will get over that. You will reach the point where you don't want it to be him. But I can understand anxiety as I experienced it myself in the beginning. It isn't fun. But once I really let go of him it got easier to breathe and live.

 

You need to go full NC. Tell him you can't talk to each other at all; even friendly because it won't change anything. Once you have healed, perhaps then you can be friends or friendly. But now it will do nothing more than increase your anxiety.

I'll admit. I haven't completely let go. I've gone Full NC. It won't be as easy when I get back home. I'm with family for the holidays, but I live alone. It makes me feel so WEAK not to be able to talk to him! Maybe I should tell him so he won't think I'm punishing him.

Work isn't going so well right now and I've also been slacking on my activities. Once these things come back into full swing and my confidence comes back, we MIGHT be able to converse again. I really don't want him completely out of my life, but I just can't do it right now.

I agree

 

 

It really is no point in trying, because the desperation will push them away,and they will know it

That's what I needed to hear tonight. OMG....

DAY 7

I had an anxiety attack the other night. Chipped my tooth, bruised my arms and back. I'm thinking of going on Anti-depressants. I had a really bad reaction to them about 5 years ago so I'm scared.

He called on Thanksgiving to say Happy Thanksgiving. He emphasized that he was JUST calling to say Happy Thanksgiving. I've powered off my cell phone. Every time it rings I hope that it's him.

DAY 5

I think it gets worse before it starts to get better right? This morning was terrible. I didn't think not being with him on Thanksgiving would affect me since I've never really shared Thanksgiving with a boyfriend.

I still feel extremely guilty about many things in our relationship. I still feel like I ruined something that could have been wonderful. Please tell me I won't feel like this on DAY 30. I'm considering moving to New Orleans. My sister lives there.

He's going to call. I dated a guy similar to yours. They feel like they have you wrapped around their fingers. Be strong when it happens.

Day 8 for me

 

Yesterday I started reading "How to break your addiction to somebody" It is a highly rated book about why people stay with bad relationships. It is somewhat geared towards helping the dumper realize they need to get out. So it is kinda hard and painful to read, considering I was the dumpee. But it also deals with the false sense of addiction the dumpee goes though in this withdrawal process. I would recommend it but only for those ready to accept the fact that the relationship is and was a failure (in terms of lifelong success anyway).

.

I just purchased it on link removed

Day 4

I wonder if he really feels that it's completely over.

Day 3

Why is it that after they reaffirm that they don't want to be with you any longer it's even harder to move on again?

Today, I'm trying the whole positive thinking thing.

I'm a good person.

What makes you good?

I'll find someone better..

Good luck and make sure you realize what you did wrong in the last relationship.

Speaking of your last relationship... You remember when you were drunk and started arguing in the parking lot? You shouldn't have done that. You'd probably be married by now if you had communicated better...

I know...

Day 2

It's not hard not to contact him b/c I know he does not want to hear from me AT ALL. Just hard knowing that on our last conversation, I pushed him even farther away by talking about the breaking and being sad. I'm sure he would have called me and even made plans to do things if I wouldn't have been so pushy on the last conversation.

I'm seriously back this time.

DAY 1

Today was horrendous. Yesterday he told me that we will NEVER get back together and I need to move on. I was going to try Sparkie's technique of Getting your Lover back but I folded and ended up asking him to come back. If they feel like they only option they have is to come back or not talk to you again. They will usually choose the latter.

I'm having a hard time NOT beating myself up about this relationship. I don't want to say that I just won't do certain things next time. I want to be able to not do certain things and be comfortable with it in my heart and actions, not because I'm following some dating rule.

day 3 for me

 

well.. i really messed up when i went out to dinner with her on friday night. I just dont understand everything seemed so great just like old times.. and then she doesnt even bother to contact me?? * * * ..

 

I just have to really move on and get myself out of this situation.. i hate feeling heartache!

 

on the bright side.. i bought this book that is supposed to help you have better social skills in 30 days.. Im oging to try it out..

Are you trying Sparkie's approach?

You could create an e-mail filter to forward his messages to the trash can.