neva_black_n_white

everything about you is hidden

behind the darkness that you exploit

holding your emotions tightly in your palm

no eyes of mine can see the harm

that has been made by my own hands

i try not to trick but

this time was different and your fell

through the net

tears trickle capturing the light

all of this ocean pours out

and between it all are ounces of delight

i sense your happy and from that i gain

the excitement i have

that youll live just perfectly again

there was no need to worry

about the means to and end

it wasnt necessary to fret or to be friend

because this was a lie

that you held close to your heart

something which couldnt be opened

or caught in a glimse

its a plan you cant deny

trust is the only thing we can hold onto at times when hope has already been lost.

no nothings worked out. its just difficult when someone then thrives to make something work... interesting when it was so easily thrown a way. i do like juxta posing situations.

Hey.

id like to explain a few factors about my poem.. just before it leads to misconceptions which i dont really fancy having placed on me.

the poems a reflection about contrasting emotions in relationships and how it feels. i wanted to talk about how it feels to either knowingly be with someone who loves YOU less OR for you to knowingly be with someone who loves you more than you can offer THEM

i think sometimes its difficult to understand two sides of a story.. i guess i wanted to have a shot at the side people might find most difficult to get their heads around.

ive been in a relationship where ive knowingly felt less than the person ive been with. to me, it was an immensley overwhelming situation, upsetting, sereal yet incredibly eye opening, guilty almost and slightly resentful towards yourself.

its hard to explain. maybe its for those people who think that little bit too much. you dont want pity for it. clearly its a more difficult for the recieving individual (to learn that their feelings arent recipricated).

BUT i also feel that theres difficulties on the other side.

maybe questions are raised.

why dont you feel the way they do?

maybe theres one glitch but really its rosey.. you just cant see that yet?

how do you tell someone you dont feel how they do?

at what point should a relationship be stopped knowing this?

should it be ignored so long as the relationships enjoyable... but then again... why prolong a pain that could be easily enhanced for both parts?

i think these situations can be difficult sometimes. one of those.. i cant see a light at the end of the tunnel. something that cant be justified maybe. i mean, in my predicament, i found that i couldnt find a fault with them. i didnt have a reason for not wanting to be in their company, enjoying their company. i was just aware that i didnt feel the same. its hard to deal with. how do you end something that isnt bad but isnt right.

i just wanted people to have a little think. maybe this is something that just bemuses me. ive got lots to say but its getting muddled up. maybe someone else has a small analysis or theory. who knows.

but anyway, i felt like it was something i needed to say.

neva x

p.s. for those reading. well one specific person. it isnt aimed at you. it was a small lasting situation that i never saw coming. i personally learnt that you should never use anyones emotions - even if they dont see you as hurting them... sometimes you just know you will *get me?*

Emotions rise

In which temptations occur

A heart meant to bleed for you

Yet I’m still lured

I don’t find this attraction

As strong as I should

I’m hoping that you don’t pull on this rope

Love won’t withstand a tug

I hold onto the hope

That my emotions don’t shine through

I try not to lead to temptation

As that’s not how id want it for you

Your eyes keep a grip so strong

Yet mine led a stray

Not to what you’d expect

But my heart wishes not to obey

Secrets are kept

In ways clear to both you and I

Holding doors shut

Doesn’t keep you outside

I try not to speak out

But my hearts screams to

How can I hurt a man with the words “I don’t love you”

When it’s all he lives for?

chuckles, thanks. it seems like were able to relate to a lot of the same situations, or atleast emotions. thats pretty cool. i suppose you can be as eratic as me then? a little stressful at times, it must be admitted!

neva x

thanks. thats really kind. i havent been on for a while.. i suppose its because i feel like i dont need to (not in a selfish way..but i think you get what i mean).

just felt like i needed to say a few things, so i came back

thankyou for all the responces its nice to see all the interpretations

neva

is a hope of freedom, a new door opening and and end to a situation that i resent

with arms open

and a grasp so firm

it takes the peak of all my emotions

in order for me to learn

with eyes hoping

and a tear to signal this love

its the height of these feelings

that i turn and look above

with eyes facing towards the light

and a convincing theory in mind

its a hope that these tears are burnt away

no love or fear left behind

late nights and creeping floor boards

i see a crack that holds no barriers

a door open and within sight

what story will this tell tonight

you hold your hands out, signal me in

grasp onto my fingerips, im drawn within

tip toe gently, dont set of a stir

hopefully people, dont grasp that im here

im lead through the door way, into the room

lit with vibrant lights, a taste of elatedness through -

out of the darkness and into the light

caressing the surface, no fright tonight

keeping eyes fixated, surroundings so clear

smiling faces are cherished, celebrated and dear

takes in the fixtures through each of the senses

prey the night continues, taste of life never ending

wont you leave the door open for me tonight?

I also dont think anyone should be branded. I walked into the relationship having known he had cheated. that was a fresh start for him. not once a cheat always a cheat. he just proved that line.

Unfortunatley things dont work out, regardless of the strength of emotions a relationships may contain. i suppose it comes down to circumstances, reasoning, feeling etc.

i doubt it would stop him from cheating again, he slept with his last girlfriends friend. he had apparently fallen for her too, but i suppose nothing could stop him.

he blamed it on alcohol. but i dont agree, he can remember what was happening, and surely he could remember who and where his girlfriend was. maybe it slipped his mind? i think its taken too far to be honest.

i dont think i could ever trust him again.

that aside, i dont believe anyone can be perfect, only perfect for someone else. so i dont think im the most angelic person, i suppose i just feel strongly about this.

neva x

I didnt even know people were still responding to me thread. thanks guys. i dont trust him. even if mistakes are possible, i cant stay with him. my head plays too many games with me and i get self conscious.

suppose its out of my hands (in a bizarre way)

Thanks though x

Yeah. I agree, even when weve met up and ive felt comfortable i just end up thinking about it.

agreed on this one.

take it its a lost cause.

stress.

we shall see x

Hey guys.

Sorry about the deletion Caer, ive said things a little heated before without negative intent, but its just how the rules go **big smile**

I agree with the whole "cheating isnt black and white", i think thats what im trying to figure out now. its hard to isolate the real problem. I mean, its out of his general nature, he is genuinely apologetic now and has done a lot of things to prove himself. its just the issue of trust and attempting to understand why he would do it, but, not only that, why he did it in such a close proximity to me.

im not sure what to feel to be honest, slightly in limbo but greatful of all the aids on here. your a pretty big help guys!

and aleic, dont you worry, i wont fall into a trap. ive already been told to make sure i dont get hurt and dont be made to look like the fool.

ill walk away completely as soon as i sense either.

just confused

x

Talk about burning a girl down. I can agree with what your saying but im pretty sure there have been some happy times. I dont hold my hands up to being the perfect girlfriend, but I didnt deserve this. There are far better ways os showing your unhappiness in a relationship, not cheating!

I do agree with what your saying though, it just came as a shock. thanks for your input.

Thanks guys.

Yeah i do think ive got a lot to think over. We've attempted to speak but it doesn't go too smoothly.

I think it comes down to the trust now. I mean, he's done it already. And i don't think i could trust him again. Stress.

I appreciate all the advice, and don't worry ailec!! i wasnt holding a knife. I couldn't even bring myself to hurt him .. just disgusted and embaressed. Silly me.

And i know i am young, but it doesnt compromise a feeling. Im sure anyone whos been in a long relationship, specifically this one for me, it hurts. But, i don't like giving up things i love. This time i feel like i have no choice.

I really liked your poem. I thought it was effective. It flowed well telling a pretty intense story by the looks of it. i like how its written as it would be said, it gives the poem a sense of reality. pretty irritating sense when the person you strive for seems to destroy you with everything they do

Do you think people can just make a mistake?

Im feeling quite neutral at the minute. Not quite sure what to think.

I do think though, once youve witnessed the deed for yourself, theres little more emotions that could be stronger than the hatred, humiliation, denial or brutality you actually felt in those split seconds. so im just curious now.

Neva

no - i make it too difficult for people to be close to me.

but then again i do like a challange. lol.

i apologise for the little red stars mods.. i didnt even realise id said something naughty.. sorry.

with every smile that you gave

and every look you shared

with every wink you made

and hand you held out

with every kiss that i remember

and every hug that i held on to

with every word that you voiced

and each motion that spoke for you

i miss you a fraction more

with every gesture you made

and each action you made for me

with every laugh you shared

and each s * * * * * * you joked with me

with every ounce of love you held out

and each emotion you offered to me

i miss you a fraction more

with every call you made

and every outing we went on

with every anniversary that passed

and each celebration

with everything we looked forward to

and all that you accomplished

with all that we wanted

and everything you gave to me

i miss you a fraction more

stress x thanks. made me cry **utterly embaressed, well not that, just confused, appreciative and reflective**

i dont know you but i really appreciate your post. whether its what youve writ or someone else. gave me a lot of thinking. eek. thankyou means a lot more than what i can write down.

kell x

you put me up for sale

the asking price says nearest offer,

nothing specific

passers by look at the goods

assess its worth

and note a value for only you to read

you collect bids,

smile preciously

realising the worth, what do you want to do?

you begin to look at the goods

assess them for yourself

circle what could be bought

before putting in your own offer

i look at you with a smile

wanting to stand down from this stage

you open up the bids and my heart bleeds

you bid the least

thanks guys x i really appreciate it.

its a weird feeliung that i seem to keep coming back to .. mildly irritating, i guess its a phase.

as for your question silentalways i think your right, people seem to over emphasise problems through poetry on here. well, i dont want to speak for others. BUT, i know at times, when i look at old poems, they seem much worse that the actual problem at hand.

this ones more about a broken heart and indecisiveness over decisions which i was so strong over before.

i dont think ill ever dampen my views on a broken heart. so in some poems.. i wouldnt say theyre too morbid