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this is my final post in this section of the site. It took me 7 months, but I'm finally over my ex. A few weeks ago something in my head just clicked and I was free. No part of me wants to be with her anymore. Sure, it would have been nice if it worked, but it didn't and I've accepted that. Many failed attempts at NC, but they all helped me heal. I learned something new every time. No matter what happens between us and our ex's, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Day 39

He sent me an IM on saturday

another on sunday

yet another on monday

on tuesday he nudged me on MSN

he did the same yesterday

 

blah...

You really are doing amazing Lilbear.... that's awesome!

Most of the time, a "break" is the coward's way of breaking up

LilBear... Congrats! Keep it going strong!

So I jumped off the wagon today... made it 5 weeks. I sent her a short email that basically said I was thinking about her and hoped that everything with grad school was going good for her. A few hours later she responded nicely but I think it was just out of courtesy.

I'm not sure what I want to do from this point. I'm thinking LC where if she contacts me I will respond but I don't want to be the one to contact her.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not disappointed at the short response, but I'm not devastated or anything. I re-opened the doors of communication... if she's interested then she will keep them open.

I love how whenever I have a few bad days, it's always followed by a really good day. I've been feeling great today.

I've come to the conclusion, I can't do NC for more 2 days.... I try, but I fail so bad. I'm too deeply in love and miss him far too much. He told me today he doesn't want NC when I asked. It's just so tough!!

 

Much respect for those who can do it.

I'd suggest starting with smaller goals. Set a goal for yourself to go 3 days NC and stick to it no matter how hard it is. It much easier to tell yourself to hold off for 1 more day. Every time you fail, set a goal to make it 1 day longer than you did before.

I guess I'm just feeling real lonely lately. I don't want sex or anything like that, but i'm dying to just cuddle up with someone and fall asleep.... grrrrrrrrrr

So I almost contacted my ex today. She's been on my mind all morning and I want to see if anything has changed in the past month.

I hate that I can always find a way to convince myself that it's ok to contact her. I tell myself worst case she denies me again and it gives me the strength to go NC for another month or so.

I won't do it though. I need to move on and contacting her won't help at this point. Grrrrrrrrr

I'm in no danger of contacting my ex, but I'm really missing her lately. It feels like it eats at me a little more each day. I just wish I could talk with her like we used to. Oh well.... staying with NC.

congrats gatorclaws...really.

 

just wondering... is it best i block him and delete him from msn? just so keep his curiosity... also to help myself?

Thank You!

I use AIM so I'm not sure of the differences with msn. Depending on where you are at emotionally it might be best to block/delete him. Is he trying to contact you?

I blocked my ex for most of november and december, but eventually unblocked her. The reason I did it in the first place was because I found myself checking her away message several times a day and it wasn't healthy. After a while when I got stronger, I unblocked her. My thinking was that leaving her blocked was giving her power and showing that I was weak. Of course, the day I unblocked her she started messaging me so it does peak their interest. However, do what you need to heal. Don't make a game out of it and try to get a reaction out of him.

Thanks for the support! Don't beat yourself up for breaking NC. I failed at it many times before being strong enough to get through it. Start again and just make sure you go longer each time. Set a small goal for yourself of beating that 5 days of NC.

Made it to 30 days!! Now on to 60!

4 weeks in, aka 28 days. Almost to the goal of 30. I've been feeling weak the past few days though.

I'm feeling a greater connection with who I am. Lately I've found that whenever I watch a serious movie I tear up and cry a little bit.... and I like it. Because of everything I've been through, I feel a much stronger connection with movie characters and feel their pain. I never used to get so emotionally involved with movies.

The movie I watched tonight was Reign Over Me. Very good movie.

I just got back from a first date/meetup with a new girl. It was great and I'm feeling so happy right now. I'm going to pursue things further with her and see if anything developes. Very excited.

WoHOOO!!! I've recovered from the weekend. 3 weeks of NC now. The 30 day goal is quickly approaching and it's giving me that extra strength. I plan on going much more than those 30 days, but it's still a nice goal to reach.

I might of screwed up this weekend. My ex is still in college and I went back there to visit some friends. I thought I was strong enough to handle it but I broke down bigtime today. Everything up there reminded me of her. I had to leave and come home today instead of tomorrow like I planned because I was feeling down.

However I did keep NC. Part of the reason I left is because I was worried I might try to contact her or go see her if I stayed another night and was drinking. Hopefully tomorrow I'll go back to being as strong as I've been the past few weeks.

On a positive note, I have a date for drinks/appetizers with a nice girl this week. I'm pretty excited about it.

Day 3.

 

Dinner on monday night. And yet again.. she has disappeared after we got closer once again. Strategy on her part?

I don't think she's working any strategy. I think she's just clueless on what she wants so she goes back and forth.

Samantha, you're doing great at the NC... keep it up. Your ex contacting you shows you that she has been thinking about you all week, so don't worry about that.

By ignoring her you are not playing games, you are putting yourself first. It would be playing games if you pretended like you could be friends with her. She will contact you again... right now is too soon to get back in contact.

2 songs that have been giving me strength lately are "you'll think of me" by keith urban and "wasted" by carrie underwood. I'm usually not a fan of country but they fit.

Find something that gives you strength and run with it. We can get through this.

Made it through 2 weeks now. I've failed at NC many times in the past but I know I'm going to make it through the 30+ days this time. I'm much stronger than I was and feel better about how things are headed in my life.

I was organizing some things on my computer and ended up going through some old pictures of my ex and I was a little surprised. I found myself not feeling as attracted to her anymore. Maybe I'm finally taking her off this pedestal. I mean, I still love the girl like crazy and even though she does look great, the physical attraction just wasn't as strong as it used to be. I've felt a little weak at times, but I'm still going strong with the NC

I've made it through the first week of NC without a problem, however thoughts of her are really starting to take over my mind. I truly believe she's going to come back one day but I've already waited long enough and I want to move on.

Ugh... I told myself for the new year I wasn't going to contact my ex anymore. We started talking before Christmas and she said she was just being friendly and I told her that I wanted more than friendly so we stopped talking. We then exchanged quick Christmas texts and then no contact until new years

On new years I went a little overboard texting her how much I missed her and that I still love her. Bad move on my part I know but I got drunk and couldn't control myself. I figured I wouldn't hear back from her after that. Then on the 2nd she finally texts me saying happy new years and jokingly asks if i survived the drinking. She knows I want to be together and talking to me will only give false hope, but she does anyway. It's so frustrating. I've been tempted to contact her all day but I've been staying strong.