tiredofvampires

Lemon, MF, paintedfish, thank you so much for your kind words, and thank you for reading. I appreciate it a lot!

Portage, I read yours, too, before you removed the post (before I had a chance to post this)...and thank you for what you expressed. That is an honor, indeed.

This has got to be the loveliest thing anyone's ever said about one of my poems, El. It takes one to know one...thank you for understanding, me and this.

Does anyone see the throng

I see in the sky,

or is it just me?

No one wants to know

the next arrival

nor the next removal,

nor the ticket collector --

sullen angels, their faces

stamped into approaching dusk,

the masses, the jury

approaching in a chariot

of rain

and their tears begin.

Or is it just me?

No one seems to notice

angels turning to clowns,

mottled, toothless

eaters of the light,

always winning,

always up for the next dazzle

with a smile,

blinking a year away

as if never begun

always up for

another disappearing

flick

of that circus

sleight of hand.

Everyone pulls out an umbrella,

hair and suits are safe. But

air lands on me everywhere,

a moist shroud

I try to brush off,

scrub off,

but it will not go --

a soft vapor of clown breath

sticking,

stuck,

or is it just me,

chosen this time?

A breath too close,

I hear too closely.

In my ears,

I hear my turn,

rumbling of another thunderous

applause,

and in the middle of

the tears and jeers

I stand,

the star.

P.S. Been there with the cramping issue. heh. A sucky choice to have to make, indeed.

You know something is good when at the end, it all starts to come together and then you want to go back to the beginning to savor it again, with the realization.

Moments of brilliance in here, Moto. I like your style, how you make prosey poetry...

And why do you refuse to share more? I hope you rethink that, I'd really like to see more of your stuff.

Is this piece fictional??

Once again, it's good to see you, my friend.

This is really good stuff, Sarey! There's a mysterious quality in it that makes me ask questions...very fine work. I hope you write another soon! Glad you have some new creative juice, that's always a great feeling!

There's something very haunting about that. It's really beautiful in a somber way.

Very Zen. Like it a lot.

Thank you so much, TB....your words are very comforting, and I hope that you are right.

MAGIC MIRROR

Just like you

the moon wakes me

from disturbed somnolence.

Smudged out of a dream,

at what hour I can’t guess,

I sense the upside-down glow

just beyond my curtains.

Climbing upwards through

the motions, I pull aside

our shabby separation,

and there, bare in the window

as a lone carved jewel

on the breastbone of night,

it holds a soft field of amber

captive.

It’s secret power is its rising

without announcement,

its visitation clandestine,

half-masked and obscure

in the tavern of abandoned hours

when all things have ceased clamoring.

But this waning face awakens

to its own presense,

unafraid to shine alone with

stars standing back;

it’s underside,

a teardrop

about to fall any moment,

suspended

as a magic mirror

of light that does not exist

here.

Just like you

farther than the fulcrum of earth,

risen only for a brief time,

from the other side of space,

this stillness cries out to me.

Nothing is as hushed

as the edge

of the world

hovering between

two dreams.

I let the curtain fall

and I fall, too,

back into not knowing.

Just like you

a ticking taps at the

corners of consciousness,

tells me something

has just happened

I’ll never sleep through again.

That same pristine spot draws my

eyes open, they grope once more.

But this time,

just like you,

it has disappeared

and left a vacant dark.

This time,

no more,

too late,

as the last train departed, you’ve

stolen away.

Our low-hanging zenith together

has passed.

You’ve gone along.

The horizon has claimed you somewhere,

when I was under.

Though a strange empty brilliance

holds you still, phosphorescing.

Thank you for waking me

to say

goodbye.

And just like you,

the dawn must be on its way;

but I don’t know

what to do with it

or how to start.

I can relate to that TB. Beautiful feeling.

but when you opened your heart

it was me you saved..

That might be my favorite part...

Hmm, interesting concept, I like it...

It's sort of got a yin-yang feel to it.

Only, I'm thrown by her garb...it looks kind of like an office work outfit from JcPenny or something, lol.....kind of ordinary and everyday, you know?

Edit: maybe that's the intent though, which would be kinda interesting.

'Tis a wonderful thing, top bloke. I haven't read much of your posts, but this poems rings beautifully to me in a familiar way.

This is just stunning. Beautiful, evocative. I want to see more!

I also love your signature.

You've got real talent.

I can feel the weight of the sadness here, it's palpable...the lonely ship bit is really perfect.

Haven't seen you here for a while RT....and if this poem reflects what's really happened to you, I'm feeling sad alongside you in this poem...

Here, there, everywhere but with no apparent purpose. Living it up and attempting to get my path finalized for the moment.

Wow, I don't think I could sum up what my own situation is better than this. You and me, both, then!

Although...I think I run into trouble every time I try to "finalize" my plans or path...I'm in a really flux-y state of being right now...but then again, that seems to be the way things go for me. I get into a groove, and next thing you know...I'm back to the drawing board. So I'm decidedly not making any New Years resolutions...I'm just going to keep the irons in the fire that are there and follow whichever ones seem to be taking shape the best (or do irons take shape, haha?)

Aw, I'm so sorry you've had this latest grief...long distance relationships can be so hard, I know that from mine, that last one (which is still the one from way back in '07...yeah, it's been a looong dry spell for me!!). It's just about a year that you've been here, I see...so that was about the duration of your time with her?

But you sound more at peace, though...even though Christmas is such an awful time to experience a loss! Again, I'm sorry! ((hugs)) It sounds like you are more concerned though this time about your life's direction than wondering where the relationship went wrong...which is really in ways, a mercy, if that's the case. Because as much as I, myself, am struggling right now with my rightful purpose and direction in life at this juncture, somehow losing one's compass in a wrong relationship truly does take the most out of me. And it sounds like she hasn't left you in a shambles...

Hmm, that's a hard question about your reasoning behind that shift in perspective, in that paragraph. I see what you mean about the symbolism. I get you. And that's tricky, because in my own poems I often do that, too -- create an inner meaning for something that has a lot of significance, and it's often the result of a "happy accident". And it's a choice between clarity for the reader, and keeping something that means something to me that is an "inside" reference but that others might not get. I think only you can make that judgement call, but my feeling about it is that it's a bit of a stumbling block in the reading...I keep going back and forth between "me" and "you" and wondering who's who...which may be also nifty for the symbolism, but the question is if the reader is not aware of what's going on, they can't appreciate it and the flow of your piece is broken in the meantime. I think the right balance is switching it up somehow so that the audience is aware of the idea of contradiction and ambiguity while you are expressing it to them. So maybe you can work out how to slip in some hint in a way that helps them recognize that symbolism without outright either baffling them or telling them bluntly.

Just my two cents, as I do love to hone the craft!

Oh, no, I'm not long lost, here...I've been around. Quite a bit, actually...just on totally different forums. I haven't had any new relationship fiascos since the last (good on the no fiascos, but not good on the no relationships), mostly because I've really been apathetic about getting back into the game. Mostly, I'm feeling that what I need and want is simply too hard to find. Nothing ventured though, nothing gained, right? Though I've had my hands full with other important relationships and connections...

And I'm also just getting back into trying to find all the long lost people! So, you are accounted for, now! I hope you stick around here for a while yet, to see more of you...too bad we only meet when we're down on our luck here!

Wow, we never had such hunks teaching in art school. (or are you in college?)

Nice verbal picture you've painted. Mmm.

It feels very hypocritical of me to not condemn myself for it though. My initial perception, and evaluation of a person has never failed me... Nor has my gut feeling when I know something is going to go terribly wrong on days my world falls apart... I find it very easy to pick up on someone's personality, and end up reading them like a book. It's almost frightening when I attempt to give things a chance, and my initial gander into their person turns out to be ever so true.

I'm very much the same way. I think some people are just born with a very keen sense of intuition...but somehow, that seems often to go hand-in-hand with people who also self-rate harshly and self-examine, because I think it takes such a fine radar to pick up signals, we also pick up our own signals and become highly aware. The key is that fine line between self-examination and self-flagellation. It's a blessing and curse to have such a strong sense of intuition...mostly because you've got to have an enormous amount of self-confidence to respect your instincts. And if you don't have that self-confidence (which is also humble and circumspect at the same time), you end up second-guessing every goddamn thing you think or do. And that then degenerates into frantic speculation, rumination, and trying to project what we want onto someone perhaps, rather than what is really there. Or do you experience that? I have this horrible problem which seems to be getting worse, the more I feel sensitive to others around me, for some reason I am more prone to doubt little nuances and feel like I'm driving myself crazy. When really, the gut thing was right all along.

Moto, moto, moto!!

Where have you been? *checks user profile*...or really more like, where have I been?

Okay, now that my giddy greetings and ditzy hoopla is out of the way for seeing an old friend and feeling sooo happy about that (but gee, I think of you often and wonder what's happening)...

I think this is some really penetrating stuff...and my question is, do you actually believe all of these harsh recriminations about yourself are accurate? For instance, that you are "pretentiously stoic", or "shallow" (as a shower)?

Somehow, I don't see you that way at all.

I think the ending line is very sobering and perfect as is. BAM!

Now, since a good piece does deserve a little artistic critique...in the paragraph about not believing in god (ha, you and me both not capitalizing that word)...you're talking in second person but I think the voice is that of god, correct? But the rest of the piece is you talking to yourself, so that just confused me a wee bit...

And I've saved the most trivial thing for last but do you mean "elusive" female orgasm, or "evasive"? Heheh, I guess they could be both, huh?

Really, top notch though, and I go back to my poetry as well and revise and revise over years, too, so that's both of us! It's a great thing to do. On the other hand...maybe that's why things are only rarely published. *sigh*

Oh, it's so great to see you...I better catch up on your latest....

xo

Your town is so beautiful TOV!

*Sigh*, 'tis, 'tisn't it?...

Now, where I live looks more like your avatar, Sam.

Yes, there is so much talent on this thread...

Great thread!

 

Lots of talent here.

 

Here are some of my shots: (Nikon D80 SLR)

 

lighthouse in Hawaii:

 

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I LOVE your pictures, Hope! Especially this one^^, of one of my favorite spots of all. Did you go see the "blowhole" while there?

And belatedly, congratulations on your wedding and what looks like was a spectacular honeymoon...I hope it was everything you wanted it to be.

A few shots of my hometown (though I can't boast I took these, they are exactly as it looks):

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(below, our house was just right of where the camera is situated):

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And at dawn:

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Too bad more recently, only millionaires live there and the beach is eroding a lot now because they put up these massives seawalls that disrupt the beach...

This is one of your best, ever, I think.

The contradictions, I love them.

Keep up this quality, it's first rate. And can I ever relate.

Very moving and sensitive.

Oh melly, I can always FEEL your poems so hard, girl!! This is so yearning and desperate and sad, it makes me ache as ever!

I wish I had some kind of magic powers, oh I do, so I could just bring him back to you! I wish I was a fairy!

I have dreams about mazes...so I know exactly what you're saying. Great little poem.

Thinking of you tons, melly, and sending hugs and love your way!

xx

You really fixed things up well with the first two, that are finished, Cynder! Both of them accomplish I think what you are trying to do -- yeah, that first one is pretty creepy and quite demonic looking. The second, I like what you did with finishing up the negative space, with the bricks.

I do still have a couple of small suggestions though about the first one...didn't you have more light from the clock spilling out onto the surrounding architecture? I seem to recall more cast shadows and incident light on the mouldings around her. So my one criticism of that is that it appears uniformly grey, and very symmetrical, so you might still want to tweak the right and left sides to pick up the glow of the clock, as well as not make it too equal on both sides, for visual interest. Also, her right leg/knee area (our left) still needs a little anatomical adjustment -- you are showing the crease between her thigh and calf but that's more a side view, when in fact we are looking at a front view of the knee. So I think you should get rid of that line, at least.

I think my favorite is the one of the butterfly -- it looks so jungly and has a strong sense of earthiness which I like. Perhaps add in a few more light values here and there for contrast (since it's so dark).

It's hard to comment on the last one since it feels so rough still -- what's going around the figures? I know I always ask you about that, but it's 'cause I always wonder what's happening in the space that's not used. As for the figures, I wouldn't read the figure on top as dead, because she seems to be in a active pose. If anything, she seems like the one that's doing the aggressing. If anything the bottom figure looks to be the more passive one, and they are so androgynous, I don't see the top one as being feminine (faces aside). There's some masculinity in the arm of the Incubus, but neither one looks distinctly female to me and her pose doesn't look to have the slackened look of a corpse. I don't even know if she should be on the top, frankly, if he has overpowered her in some way. I'm not sure what sort of tunic she's wearing...but again, it doesn't reveal any feminine form. I also agree that if she's dead, she should look ashen...or else, use facial expressions and limp, supine body posture to indicate that, instead of flesh tones.

It's too soon to call on that one I think, hard to tell yet...