SadOldMan

Wow. Had another counseling on Thursday. Before going in, I didn't really feel that much. No anxiety or anything. Coming out I went really down. Just before the session ended, she said to me "you're feeling very vulnerable". I then realised I had just about wrapped both arms around myself.

From then on, I've felt shocking. Thinking about my ex a lot. My sister spoke to her on Thursday. She was going to tell me what they talked about but I told her I don't want to know anything that's going on in my exes life. Any reasons why it's suddenly hit me life a brick after nearly 7 weeks of no contact? I know 7 weeks is nothing after 12 years but the strength of emotions nearly overwhelmed me.

ps. Still nobody interested in the house

It's more than 30 days since we had any contact, and today was a real downer. Couldn't pick or lift myself out of the gloom. Worst day in weeks. Thing is, I wasn't thinking of my ex that much today.

Catren: yes. Been up for sale for just over a month now.

It's nearly 3 months since my ex told me it was over. I moved out of the home just over a month ago. Have had no contact at all since then...except!....I let my sister tell me what they talked about over lunch last week. Gah!!! I'll get there....I will.

Things are going okay, I guess. I know that I haven't let go and still harbour hopes of a reconciliation with my ex. But it's only been a month since we last had any contact. That's nothing after a 12 year relationship, I know.

My sister went out for a meal with my ex. I know I shouldn't have let her tell me what they talked about, but I did. My ex said to my sister "If I think I've made a mistake, I'll just have to live with it". Same words she said to in the beginning. She said she misses me but doesn't know if that's just because she's lonely or she loves me. I hurt now.

baddasslegend92: I'm pleased for you. Take it easy.

I haven't had any contact with my ex for nearly a month. She did say to me that, if she thought she'd made a mistake, she wouldn't do anything about it. Blew me away that. We'd been a couple for 12 years.

OMG! Today I felt like my head was going to explode. I was getting more and more wound up by the lack of fairness on my exes part regarding the mortgage payments. I just logged onto my bank account and hovered over cancelling the direct debit. Didn't cancel it though. I want to! ;-)

I try hard

To put you out of mind

Every night alone

I'm thinking 'bout you

How can I avoid this

Pain without you

I won't cry

I won't be sorry no more

I know that this is something I'll get over

Maybe I can learn to love another

It's just a matter of time

A matter of time

Just because I lock myself in my room

It doesn't mean that I'm afraid to talk to

Those people I know that might have you seen you

No return

I keep reminding myself

I won't look back

Won't regret a single moment

I gonna mend this heart inside you've broken

It's just a matter of time

A matter of time

It's just a matter of time

A matter of time

Show me the way

They say safety in numbers

I lift up my eyes to the sky

And imagine a crowd

Of hearts that surround me

And give the me courage to die

Were you to weep

And lie at my feet

Then you'd wash all

My troubles away

And imagine the host

Of angels around me

That give me the courage to die

heheh...Sorry. I didn't mean 'letters', I meant post addressed to me. I was going to go over to the house this weekend to pick them up while she's at her mums (she always goes to see her mum on a Saturday). No point now.

(Final two things I need to change address for. Now I shouldn't get any mail at all at the old place.)

Looks like my ex has been here. Letters sent to my old address have been posted through the letterbox. Why is my heart pounding?

She could refuse to sell it. We both have to agree. it could get very messy, but I don't want that. I think I've been really fair. Hell!, she dumped me yet I moved out. The house is our only tie left. I can properly move on once it's out of the way.

There is one thing I could do. I can withhold mortgage payments. Then the house gets repossessed by the mortgage lender and sold. We both get nothing. sigh. nar ;-)

The utility bills are all in her name now. I paid them up to the end of Feb. Took my name off all the bills and left her name on them.

Locke2121: I've already done all that. Only thing left now is the mortgage and insurances.

Just back from another counseling session and also seeing a solicitor. The session went well. It really is helping me face upto the issues I have. The counselor is great too.

The solicitor told me what I already knew. My ex doesn't have to pay a thing towards the mortgage. She's entitled to stay in the house until it's sold and she will get 50% of the profits. It's the law. That's as maybe but I think it's morally wrong. It's unfair and I'm pretty angry at the moment. Only hope is if it's sold soon. I've already paid about £1800 in mortgage payments and if it takes a few more months to be sold, I'll be well out of pocket. Grrrr ;-)

21 days? Somewhere around that mark

Feeling very emotional. A little weepy tonight. So many different emotions running through me at the minute. Hurt, loss, anger, sadness. I'll continue like this for as long as it takes.

I've been doing fine...or so I thought. Found out that one of my sisters is doing her hardest to stay friends with my ex. They went circuit training tonight. Why is it angering me? I feel like my sister is siding with my ex. She hasn't shown any thought to my feeling since dumping me in December. Hasn't paid a penny towards the upkeep of the mortgage, and my sister wants to be friends with her. I feel betrayed. Well, perhaps betrayed is a bit strong but I do feel hurt. Very strange. I'll be having words with my counselor this Thursday about it. ;-)

I never said a word to my ex. I just packed up all my clothes and left. Not spoken to her or had any contact whatsoever for nearly 3 weeks now.

All I need is for someone to get her to pay for her half of the mortgage and I'll be happy(ish) ;-)

I never told my ex a thing. I grabbed my stuff whilst she was out, 17 days ago....not had any contact with her since then. She told me she longer wanted me, why should I tell her what I was doing?

kate111: Nice words. Don't just say them though, 'do' them. I have changed so much in my life so far, since my break up. A lot of self analysis etc. My first holiday abroad is in 27 days. I'm so excited about my life. I miss my ex so much but there's nothing I can do about that. She dumped me. I'm taking actions to move on....become a better person (hopefully) and just try to enjoy myself and life a little better. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Good luck

17 or 18, methinks

Starting off a little low but the rollercoaster's picking up speed on the incline! ;-)

Don't feel so bad at the moment. Might be something to do with my new Paul Smith boots. Man!, why didn't anyone tell me about retail therapy sooner!?

Well. I feel like I've gone back a few weeks. My sister came round tonight and started to talk about my ex. She has been friends with her and also has some dealings with her in her job. My sister had sent her a birthday card and they exchanged a couple of text messages. Then my sister asked me what I'd say if my ex said she'd made a mistake and wanted to try again. I should have told her I didn't want to know anything. Have been very tearful tonight.

robowarrior: Seriously man, I love your posts. Blunt, but so honest.

I still miss her. I still love her....but...I don't think I want to be back with her. It's time I moved on. I'm trying....so hard.

Ignored all the initial warning signs

Didn't address the problems

Took eachother for granted

Should have had an enotalone 12 years ago. Would have saved me a lot of hassle ;-)

Today, I changed my address with work, my bank, ebay and paypal. More steps that are saying to me "no going back!". Just over 2 weeks since we had any contact. There's some things we're going to have to discuss, especially regarding the house, but I think I'll leave it another week. Have felt pretty raw this past week. Find myself just daydreaming about her. Then I get annoyed with myself.

The no contact has helped me. Not just to take a step back and look at myself and also with the healing process but to also look at the relationship we had. I knew we had our problems. I knew we didn't address them. Ended up a festering boil that had to be lanced. I'm glad she did it. It has been a great wake up call for me.