FRISCO

I applaud you my friend for your example! You inspire me to work on my situation right now.

how is it going?

I am very sorry for your pain.

just be brave and listen to your heart and just do it.

I am sorry for what you are going through....someone just said that, there are many others having the same situation as you are and even worse. Just hang in there and follow all the nice advise you can get here.

frisco

sorry for your situation....I understand you.

Just be strong and stick to your commitments otherwise it becomes a game.

good lack!

to use latter,

N/C Tips

no sexualy attracted

hrm..you should go to marriage counsuelling and really work on ur marriage. Don't give up! there's so many obstacles to go through- good and bad times don't forget about the those vows you both took at the alter. remind her of that!

Hi candy,

I hear you, thank you for your kind words!

I am with you girl,

But for once "take control" of the situation and decide for your self not what he wants but what you want.

good luck!

Dear moonbeam,

When I read your words they helped a lot to realized that you were right. There is hope and I think we are in the right path so far. We talked and pretty much we are back together. I am going to work even harder to understand her, and meet her needs and to try a different way to communicate for the sake of our marriage.

Thank you so much for your kind advises!!!

Dear BestrongBehappy,

I tank you immensely for your input. I fallowed some of your advise and it seems like things are getting better. We talked today and I think we are getting somewhere. I would let you know more latter….

Frisco

Has anything else changed? Has she started a new job, gone back to school...anything different that you can think of? What I'm getting at is...is there anything going on with her life where she's getting exposed to new people? Also, do you know if she's in contact with her ex that she was with for four years?

 

I hate to tell you where I'm going with this....but, this is a sudden switch in behavior the way you're describing it. And sometimes, this is caused by someone else entering the picture.

Hi Scout,

Nothing has changed that I am aware of. She is still working the same job. No school. Maybe getting exposed to new people because at her job, the turn over is crazy, and she tells me about the new ones, but nothing really like "they hired this new guy that is so cute, or the girls are crazy abut him" or something like that. I know she has a new girl friend from work and she hangs out with her sometimes, but that's about it.

She told me that she saw the ex not long ago and exchanged a few words but nothing else. I have asked her if she is interested in somebody else and she said no. Right now we spend almost all our time together and I don't see her interested in doing something different.

For example, last wednesday was our day off. We spent the whole day doing things together. We had lunch, we went to the library, went to the movies and then went home and spent the rest of the evening watching TV.

I know that is sound confusing, but that is how it is with our lifes right now.

Later that night she came to my room and huged me and kiss me like everything is normal between us...??????????. I asked why she was doing that and she says that she did it because she misses me...???????? but still has douts about getting back together. Sometimes I feel used or that she is toying with me and I hate that.

With the age difference, lifestyle might not have posed a problem when both are younger. Now at 26, it's normal if she is anxious about accomplishments in life. Both of you are probably at a very different point with your career too.

 

Do you have kids? Have you guys talked about children before? This can be a touchy subject with the age gap. The question of having kids might not be an issue for both when she was younger, could potentially bring a lot anxiety now with your age.

 

Things you like to do together then could be different now. Do you have problem socializing with her friends, a group of twenty-something's? Does she have problem with yours, probably most with teenage kids?

Dear L. J,

Our life styles are about the same. We have no problem in that aspect.

Our careers are are not a problem either.

I do have kids from my previuos marriage and we have talked about having kids but she said she is not ready yet. I don't mind either way, and I would love to have one with her.

About socializing with friends we never had any problems. her friends are my friend and my are hers.

Thank you for being there!

"Have you talked about what the next move is? (i.e. seperation by someone moving out, filing for divorce, etc?)

Why is she unwilling to go to counseling?"

Dear Hope 75,

First of all thank you for your post.

Yes, I have talked to her about the next move and the answer is the same

"I don't know" or "why are you pressing me with those questions"...or "I still thinking about and I don't know".

About counseling she said no because it is too late now...meaning it's over between us I guess. It is so confusing sometimes that I think I will go nuts : (

Hi Scout,

Nice job helping our friend Kickedin. Even for my self I find it very applicable.

I am glad you are part of this forum..

Hi Tommyt,

You are not stupid, just in love, and what you do is what many of us has being doing when it comes to stick to the NC rule, we break it because we are human and our feelings are so strong that sometimes we cannot control them.

Just hang in there and try harder next time!

Its no good that you left out what these exact differences ,what second thoughts and hesitations she has, because they are essensial as they are the root of the problem. If you can please post them.

DEAR THE LAW,

One of the differences has to do with my teenager kids, 15 and 17. She thinks that they get away with everything, that they use me and that they don't appreciate me, but I don't agree. As an example, last month was my birthday and they did not call me to wish me a happy birthday. They don't live with me and I only see them every other week or so. Besides they practice Jehovah Witnesses Religion and as you know they don't celebrate birthdays. It did not bother me at all, but she was upset by it. I have tried to reason with her but she closes her self off on the subject. She has never being a parent. I know that she may be jealous of them.

She has second thoughts about being married saying that may be she was not ready. That we were so wrapped into each other at first that she did not really had time to think if she wanted to be married. That she said yes when I proposed because what was she supposed to say……NO?

When I ask about the hesitations and her worries, she has no answers, except that she is confused and does not know what she wants.

I hope this gives more info, so you guys can help me….

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Dear BEHAPPYBESTRONG,

I think you said it right….”I hit that wall that s lot of gap relationship hit”…

She does not know what she wants.

I agreed with you about the separation and not under the same roof. The problem is that she does not want me to go, nor she would leave. We are buying our house and that may be another problem if we decide to separate. One of us couldn’t take care of the financial responsibility of the house.

Thank you for your words!

Hum, I've never been married before so I can't really help you out on that point. Assuming you want to honor your wedding vows though, you can't exactly just walk out of the situation.

 

I'd suggest giving her a bit of downtime and start doing your own activities: going out more, get a new hobby etc... so you aren't on her case all the time and you look more interesting as a person.

 

Does she feel like she was pressured in moving on with her life too fast? Or was this her first serious relationship? She might start to feel that the lifestyle for her age isn't the same as yours

 

Dear Mousty,

thank you for your post,

Of course I want to honor my wedding vows and not just walk away.

I really appreciate your sugestions.

About her, feeling presured about moving on with her life too fast, that is a fact, she told me that.

She was in a previous relationship for four years before we started dating.

Maybe you are right about the life style of both of us. Although, we used to do a lot of things together, we did not have a problem before.

 

Thank you again!

I need some help. I need any help you nice people can offer.

This is my situation.

I have been married for 2 years. Before we got married, we were together for 21/2 years. Everything seemed so perfect even though we have a bid gap on our age. I am 46 and she is 26. That did not bother us at all or the families. We had so many things in common that the years difference never was an issue.

Now things are different. Due to a serious of differences, second thoughts about our relationship and uncertainty about what she wants in life, we are even considering going our own ways. But I love her with all my heart and I don’t want to loose her. She also says that she loves me but that she is confused.

It hurts to know that it’s over between us.

That is the dilemma now. Basically, we broke up three weeks ago but we still live under the same roof.

We have had some strong arguments about the relationship and things that we are doing right now.

She is not wearing her wedding ring anymore, I asked why and she gave me some vague reasons like we are not together any more, we have broken up, etcetera, etcetera.

We are not having any kind of romantic contact, even though the other day when I said good night she huged me and we started to kiss very passionate and to touch each other to the point that I thought we were going to have sex, but as she got all over me, she got cold and stopped, so did I.

She does not want to talk about our situation whenever I bring it up nor she wants to seek proffesional counseling.

What can I do? Or where can I go from here?

Thanks a bunch!!!!