Kate07

I was doing really well, that was until my ex msg me, Eventually he called me and long story short, said he still loves me, Well we decided we would let it rest for a couple of days and see how we felt then, That couple of days ended yesterday and while we arent in limbo any more, we are not getting back together again.

Apart of me doesnt care but a part of me does as well, i knew this was where i would end up, i know it is for the best because basically we would be here again soon enough anyway. It was just weird last night, like when i first got to his place i was like im so glad i dont have to hear these stories anymore and then we talked and i said if we got back together then it would be on 4 conditions, he said yep to all and then sat there adn thought about it and i left becasue i am sick of waiting for him to think, when i drove home i felt really relieved and glad we werent together,

then he called and we talked for an hour and a half and his phone kept cutting out so i said do you just want to meet me at maccas and he was like i have been drinking but did anyway, we went to maccas and talked for ages and while i was there i was like no i still dont wnat it, it wont work and it didnt hurt to just be friends, that was until he told me he and christine (the girl he slept with while we were together) had hooked up again since we had broken up, they didnt sleep together but they didnt stop at kissing either, then we went out to his car and talked and in the end he kissed me, and i didnt feel it, and was like wow, i dont care if we have this or not, we kept talking about what was going to happen and i kissed him again to see if i really didnt feel it or what, well we ended up making out and i felt it and so did he and he knows it, (because you cant kiss someone like that and not feel it)

In the end i left and got home and sent him a msg asking him to be honest and say if he actually wanted it or if he jsut didnt want to hurt my feelings again and he called me back nad said that he wanted it so much but that there was somehting in the back of his head that said it wouldnt work and i know becasue that is how i feel but i still want it so much and i dont really know if i want him or if i jsut dont want anyone else to have him, and the problem is i knew that i would end up here still hurting. He said that he can see himself regretting this decision so much but yea. And so im not in limbo but i now have to say goodbye all over again, while im glad that this has happened i wish that he had never msg me on sunday night

Now im just sad!!

OK well on sunday night i received a text msg from my ex, it was totally out of the blue and pretty much asked me to hear him out and that while he was with me he was in love with me and that he didnt know why he put me through so much pain while we were together. (we were together for 18months and lived together for 3 and he has cheated on me - slept with another girl once- kissed another girl twice)

It has been a month today since we broke up and i am doing well, well i was until this msg. I asked him to call me after i received the msg because i had no idea how to answer the msg and i was curious as to why he sent it and what it meant, (as far as i was concerned he didnt love me, he didnt care about me, he didnt want to talk to me or see me ever again and he certainly didnt think about me- he said he had been considering sending this msg for a few days now)

We talked on the phone for almost 4 hours, it was really good, for the first 3 hours of the conversation he pretty much sat there and cried while i said how i felt and how badly he had treated me and how i was happier without him. I said how i was doing well and how i wasnt looking back, but the problem was the more i spoke to him the more the old feelings of loving him came back. Eventually i told him that despite everything i still love him, or that i was a bit confused with whether i loved him or loved the idea of being in love (i have forgotten that feeling already) and that i wasnt sure if i missed him or just missed the companionship and the company (im still not 100% sure). In the end he told me that he still loves me and i was like NO!! you didnt just say that (it makes it lots more complicated now) I said that i felt like i just wanted to say lets give it another go etc but he was like dont say that, im like i know but i want to anyway. Eventually he said that he thought it could work between us and that he would never cheat on me again (Im not going to believe that 100%). I asked him if he loved me or was in love with me, he said that a part of him was still in love with me. We talked about whether we should get back together and he in the end said no dont say it now think about it for a couple of days and sleep on it and give me a call on tues and we wil talk about it then.

So now im supposed to call him tonight and tell him whether i want to be with him but i just dont know. I love him i know that but i dont know whether im in love with him and i have been heaps happier since we broke up but i also dont want to say no i dont want to be with you and give up on a good thing, what if he has changed, I could miss out on that. But i dont want to go back to the way it was, i dont want to be depressed anymore, i dont want to need him anymore and while i know i am in a different space right now, i dont know if my mind is strong enough to stay in that space and not go back to the old feelings.

Then i think that i could just give it a try and if it hasnt changed then i could just break up with him but i dont know if i am strong enough to do that either.

At this stage i have decided that i will tell him that if he wants to get back together then he has to fight for me, and that he has to earn my trust back and that his road trip he has planned for over his holidays he doesnt get to go on (im not 100% sure how in concrete these plans are-knowing him they may not go ahead) and that i get him new years eve to myself. I have a feeling that he may not say that this is ok and thereforeeee im off the hook a bit but then again i dont know if im strong enough not to comprimise on this.

ARRH this is so hard, why did he have to say that he was still in love with me, why did he have to msg me in the first place, he was supposed to be over me and he wasnt supposed to regret it, not this quickly any way!

Please help

reading your post really inspired me...you went through something so horrible and i admire you for how strong/brave you are. you have given me a little bit of hope that I too can be strong and move on, i just wanted you to know that

Im glad i inspired you strawberries, I have see some other quotes from you and know you are going through a hard time at the moment, IM sorry about that.

I have gotten to the point where im sick and tired of caring about him and having it not returned, im sick of being hurt and so im not letting him hurt me again. I dont know why they told me but i do know im going to be stronger eventually.

Considering i have lost my best friend (my ex) and i had already cut ties with another friend becasue she couldnt choose me over my ex (we had been friends a lot longer then they had and not only that i want friends to support me and only me when i have been treated like crap) and now i have just cut ties with this firend i feel so alone but know that it will make me realise that i can count on myself so much more and eventually i will be a lot stronger.

Keep persevering through the hard times and remember that after every hard day that it is over and you are one day closer to true happiness and being free of his control and one day closer to finding your life partner who cares about you and you alone.

thanks strawberry.

 

it's been exactly 2 weeks since we broke up and NC for me too!

 

2 weeks downs and ____ more weeks to go... sigh!

I wish I could fill that blank with a 0.

The way i look at it is that after every hard day, it is one day closer to happiness and one day closer to getting over him.

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks today, i wasnt with him for as long as you were with yours but mine also cheated on me, I knew about the 2 times whilst we were together (he only kissed those girls) however yesterday a now ex friend rang me and told me that almost a year ago she slept with my ex while we were still together, she was cranky at the time with me becasue i had questioned her relationship with my ex, (while my ex and i were on a break she had also hooked up with him) thereforeeee i was totally in my rights to question it. I have since told both of them to get out of my life (i broke NC of almost 2 weeks yesterday) but now both of their phone numbers are out of my phone and whilst i know his number off by heart i actually am starting to forget it.

You sound like you were in a relationship very much like mine, where you did all the work, where you put him on a pedistall and where he disrespected you and treated you like dirt, while you dont believe it now you are much better off without him, eventually you will stop remembering the good times and start to remember how he treated you wrongly and how much he didnt respect you. Your perfect guy is out there somewhere I know it and you may not find him straight away but the thing i have found is while you are waiting to cross paths with him cross paths with who you are and work out who you want to be, you can and will get there.

It is hard, my ex still invades my dreams as wel and the stupidest things remind me of him whilst the bigger ones dont but as i said at the start for every minute/hour/day/week you go through you are that much closer to becoming happier and stronger.

I find that distracting myself works the best, I go out with friends and talk about their lives, i catch up with people i hadnt talked to in a while, I look at other things on the internet rather then this sight (so im not associating the internet with him alone) work is fantastic for me i can concentrate on that and if i need someone to talk to i can but i can normally distract myself, I also watch romantic movies (it may not work for some) but for me it reminds me that somewhere there is a decent guy for me and that that decent guy does exist, that there is hope and that being in love can be a happy experience rather then an experience of hurt and unhappiness.

Good luck and keep posting, you can email me if you need to talk, i am here for you and understand what you are going through

Hi

 

It is good that both of you separated.

 

Have you got yourself tested?

No not yet as I only found out yesterday, I am not really worried as I feel that considering him sleeping with this girl happened 10 months ago that i would have probably noticed something since then and as i know her, she was a virgin,

To everyone else thanks for the support, i am still worried that the hurt over this is still to come and part of me actually wonders why they told me in the first place considering my ex and I are over. The funny thing was that this particular girl was so angry at me for like 3 months about my questioning her relationship with my ex (as it turns out i had a damn good reason to question it) and not only that my ex was like why dont you trust me and made me feel guilty that i didnt trust him (i also had damn good reason not to trust him obviously) I am looking forward to moving on and getting on with my life, I know that it will be hard but im looking forward to finding a decent guy who looks after me and who will respect me and not do anything like that.

It definitely felt good to tell them what i thought of both of them and as one of you said, good riddence to bad rubbish.

A part of me wants to go and get a chinese symbol for inner strength tattood onto my hip (it would be my first tattoo) but im worried that it will constantly remind me of him, rather i want it to remind me that no matter what happens, no matter how hard life gets i have the inner strength to get through it, what do you guys think??

I have been single nearly 3 weeks now, and every weekend i find out my ex has slept with another girl, the first week it was some random who neither of us knew, That week i was horrified and absoltuely totally upset and bit of a mess (i had been hoping we would get back together), the second weekend i found out he had slept with a mutual aquaintence of ours, I was upset and let down and a little bit of a mess but not nearly as bad as last week, Today i just found out that My ex cheated on me for a third time whilst we were together (i knew about the other two, he had just kissed other girls). Today a now ex friend of mine rang me and told me that almost a year ago she had slept with my ex, but i feel like i should be crying and upset, instead im laughing at them and dont really care, i rang him and asked how many others there were (for std purposes) and he said none, i told him that he was a p***k and that he treated me like sh*t, he agreed, i told him his mother would be totally disappointed (he cares what his parents think about him) and i told him i never want a friendship again and i dont want to talk to him or see him again. I also told the now ex friend the same, that i dont want a friendship and i dont want to talk to her again either, i have since deleted them both out of my phone (problem is i know my ex's number off by heart) but yea. I dont think i can get any more disappointed at them (hence the reason im not upset) and it was nice to know that my friends actually stood up for me in this case. I am a little worried that the hurt will come later but right now im ok!!

Sorry if this bored anyone i just wanted someone to know that im OK!

Congratulations shake__

Just a quick question, how did you do it? Because My ex is also a toxic combination and right now i dont ever want to see him again but then in saying that he can still hurt me and i havent let go and i would like to.

Any advice??

Thanks heaps, It is nice to know that there is someone else out there who is thinking and feeling the same as i am.

I have just printed off my posts and burnt them in a hope to release some energy that he is still getting from me, and also to help me get some closure.

I know he was over me before we broke up but i thought he may be a bit remorseful and would have missed me a little bit, this is now the longest we have gone in 19 months of not talking and i am supposed to be going out for a birthday dinner for a mutual friend of ours on friday night, That however is still not decided on as he and the 'friend' he slept with will both be there and basically i really want to start a fresh, i want to get some new friends and surround myself with people who actually care about me rather then people who say they care about me and do the complete opposite.

I dont know if i am missing him or if i am missing that closeness with someone, i knew we would never last (basically becasue i didnt trust him and i didnt want a long term relationship without trust) but i also didnt want to go through this pain. I cant wait until i am happy again, and over him and have my own life without him and have found someone who actually cares about me and who loves me for me and who will treat me with the respect i deserve.

So to everyone out there a toast, to new beginnings and to future happiness as our own people, Cheers!

I know that he is using the sex to get over me or at least forget me. He has told me that while he still loves me he isnt in-love with me, but why did he have to sleep with two girls in two weekends? And not only that why did one of them have to be a mutual friend and why did he have to sleep with her in the bed we used to sleep together in?

I just wish he was hurting, part of me thought that even if he was going out and sleeping around (i expected it-didnt stop it hurting) it wouldnt matter as much because he wasnt getting what we had but a part of me thinks that he didnt think what we had was special.

I used to think that when we broke up he would do this, and eventually he would realise what he had lost and he would realise that he was lonely, i didnt know if he would ever come back but i was happy knowing that he was lonely and knew i was doing better and was strong, now i am not so sure.

It feels like he is the strong one and im the one who is left picking up the pieces of my broken heart and not only that i feel so alone, as i said i have a long personal journey and im not about to follow in his footsteps (i dont want to be the one who sleeps with someone who has a gf sitting at home waiting for him- i have been the gf and i wouldnt wish that feeling on anyone), i just dont want to take the journey, i want it to be over but i also want him to miss me, obviously he wont be missing me on a physical level but maybe just a little bit on an emotional level, we were best friends before we got together and he was always my best friend while we were together and now i have no one to talk to.

I have discovered by going through this break up that i only have two real friends that i am close to and who i can call on but i feel like i may be pushing that a bit far, like i have bothered them with my problems enough and that they are getting sick of hearing about them.

However i do also feel like i am making a little bit of progress, basically because when i found out that he had slept with the first girl i cried all that night and the next day, i have only cried for a couple of hours this time and i am starting to feel a bit stronger so hopefully i am making some progress.

For the last 6 months of our relationship i was depressed, but something was better then nothing. I have been single for two weeks now and have kept myself busy, but every time i feel like im actually getting somewhere i get kicked in the stomach and sent back to square one.

Today i was actually starting to feel like i was getting over him, and like i was moving on with my life. That was until a friend of mine (i have discovered i only have 2 real friends) rang me and told me that she had some bad news and felt like she should tell me, she didnt want me to hear it from somewhere else, It turns out that my ex went and slept with someone who was supposed to be a friend of ours. When she found out that we had broken up she was like that is ok he was a and bagged him out and now not two weeks later she has jumped into his bed, the bed we used to sleep in.

I know i have a huge personal journey to travel but right now i dont want to travel it, i want to either die or just be over it and through the crap. WHy is it so hard for me to move on and he can just do it straight away and so easily.

He told me last week that he still cares about me and while he isnt in love with me he still loves me, how can someone who apparently cares about me and loves me do this, and not only that what have i done to deserve this???

I just dont have the energy anymore, i cant go through this.

Im sorry to bother anyone who reads this, I think i just wanted to get it off my chest.

Some back ground, My ex boyfriend (ben) and I were together for 18 months, in that time he had seen me through some rough patched with my family, we had gone away a lot, we had become friends with each others families, He had cheated on me twice (kissed other girls) and we had moved in together. Ben was my first everything, my first love, my first sexual partner and the first person i had ever let in and really let him see the true me, however that over time changed becasue i changed everything about me to make him happy.

It will be two weeks tomorrow since we have broken up. The first day was really hard, i wanted to take the day off work and just be sad but i had lots of training and so i couldnt.

The second day i did take off work and ben rang me, that was hard because he only rang me becasue a friend (actually an ex friend- i will explain later) of mine had told him to. I was a little short with him and a bit angry becasue i didnt want to hear that it was over. I got through that day ok, i spent it with my sister and cousin who are both stronger people then i was at the time and who had also gone through what i am going through in the last couple of years.

The third day was a wednesday, i went to work and had a hard morning (my boss had a go about me nad my standard of work- which considering she had had holidays at the time i have no idea how she knew what standard of work i was doing) that afternoon i had a great time, i laughed and relaxed and forgot about ben. Wednesday night i received a text msg from him saying that he had a letter for me and did i want him to bring it around or pick it up, i replied and said i would pick it up and how was he, eventually we sent a couple of text and i said that he could call if he wanted (i know he hates txt). He called me and we spoke for about 40mins, i did most of the talking but he was receptive, it was like old times, he said his house mate had come home and he had to go but me being me (i had a weak moment and didnt want to let go said he didnt have to go) he told me he would call in 10mins, he didnt (i was a little disappointed)

The Thursday was ok, i went shopping with a friend of mine after work but she was christmas shopping for her family and especially her brother, father and uncle, thereforeeee we ended up at all the mens shops and looking at mens clothes, that was hard because i would have gone in there to buy ben's christmas present, i had planned on doing that. (i hadnt bought him his present yet because i knew we were rocky)

The friday i got burnt and sent back to day one. I was supposed to go to ben's house that night to give him back his keys and get the rest of my stuff, however knowing he had gone out the night before i didnt want to go over there and find out he had moved on already and then have me get upset, (i had planned on going over there really strong and not needing him at all and hopefully have him see that i was stronger then he thought) That plan went down the drain, stupidly i had asked my ex-friend (see above) to ask him if he had picked up the night before because i wanted to be strong, I thought i could trust this friend but obviously not because she told him that i was asking questions and what was she supposed to tell me, ben rang me later and told me he had kissed someone else the night before That hurt like hell, and i was cranky at him but also at my ex-friend because what was she thinking telling him that i was asking questions, if i wanted him to know i would have asked him myself, i was also angry at myself because i had hoped that he would come back and would have missed me. I went to my cousins that night and she was really good and supportive and helped me forget about him.

Day 6: Saturday. I went out saturday night with the girls, that was a great ego boost, i was chatted up by 3 hot guys.

Day 7: Sunday I didnt do much on this day, the afternoon was really hard, it was the longest we had gone without talking in 19months, i was missin him heaps

Day 8: Monday, I received a text from a friend who has been really supportive (unfortunately she is dating my ex's best friend) saying that she had just seen ben and he had asked how i was going. Then i got my hopes up a bit more again. Monday was hard as well i was still missing my ex heaps

Day 9: Tuesday. I knew that i was hoping that he would come back today so i rang him to tell him i would bring his keys around and finalise everything. this was basically becasue i didnt want to sit here thinking he still missed me. I got really upset becasue he had started to close up and not talk to me when i questioned his night out on the previous saturday night (being best friends before we got together it was hard for him not to talk to me), I took his stuff around to his place got my stuff and walked out without talking to him, i later sent him a text saying that he had his freedom and that i wouldnt contact him again and if he wanted a friendship to ring me when he was ready. He rang about 30mins later. I found out that he had slept with someone on the saturday night previous, (not even a week after we broke up -for me i dont give my body to anyone and he was my first- i felt like the sexual part of our relationship was suddenly devalued and definitely wasnt respected) Now at least i know i dont want to ever sleep with him again, let alone make love to him, it wouldnt be the same and to me he is like damaged goods. That hurt to hear big time. But it was also hard he kept saying that he missed me and still loved me, i kept reminding myself and him that he wasnt in love with me, he even went to the point of saying that he would have loved me to go over to his place and stay there the night because he wanted to just hold me in his arms.

Day10: Wednesday This was hard as well as i knew it was over for good and it was time to accept it, somehow though by the afternoon it got a bit better.

Day 11 and 12 have just passed with hard times but also with lots of fun times, I went out salsa dancing with a friend of mine last night and it was so good (that was until a friend of mine told me he was out at the local pub and ben was there trying to pick up-not something i really wanted to hear)

Day 13: today has been ok, i slept in until 10am which was a first (i used to get up every saturday morning with ben at 6:30am becasue he had to go to work) and then i went shopping and then fell asleep on the couch watching a movie.

I find that mornings are the hardest, especially when my alarm goes off and i put it onto snooze but i have no one to roll over and cuddle and next friday night is going to be really hard as well, it would have been 19months for us and we are both required to attend a dinner for a friends birthday, i would not go but i would like to think we were mature enough to sit at a table with other people for a couple of hours for a friends birthday and not only that i want him to think that i can get over him, i dont want him thinking that i am sitting at home pinning over him

Sorry I know this was probably boring but i needed to get it off my chest.

Rebecca75,

I am so sorry to hear how badly you are doing, I know how you feel. It is hard especially if he is texting you saying that he loves you. I dont know if you have heard of a book, He's just not into you. It is blunt and sometimes hard to hear but is very true i would suggest you might like to read it.

You said something about how can someone who loves you as much as he says he does just stay away from you? I know that feeling well to. My ex of almost two weeks used to say that he loved me and that we were strong enough to get through our rough period that we were going through (he broke up with me 2 hours after that comment), it is hard to realise and convince yourself that everything he has said throughout the relationship may just be a load of crap. I dont believe your boyfriend/ex boyrfriend doesnt care about you, he probably loves you to it just maybe in a different way.

If i were in your situation i would probably be acting the same way you are. However considering my ex doesnt want to get back with me im not in that situation, I would suggest moving on with your life, doing things you want to do and if you want to call him, do, but be prepared for what you might hear.

Im not going to suggest going on dates or anything like that just yet, that would be to hard, i know that but spoil yourself, date yourself, make yourself beautiful and go and get a facial/massage, do anything that you can think of to make yourself feel the slighest bit better.

My sister once said to me that when you are going through a break up nothing will make you feel better, but plenty will make you feel worse, so do what ever you can to make yourself feel better, dont do things or hang out with people that will make you feel worse

But discover yourself, and more importantly discover yourself without your boyfriend, find out what makes you you, and give yourself time to grieve, it sounds like your boyfriend doesnt know exactly what he wants right now so i would maybe give it some space, I know the whole NC thing is hard and personally im not planning on doing it totally, im not calling my ex when i would normally and i am waiting for him to make the first move but i also know that i want a friendship eventually, especially considering we were best mates before our relationship. So i dont suggest NC for you either, especially when you are hoping to get back together but maybe limit yourself to one contact that you initiate a week (if he calls you that is fine), that will give him time to work out what he wants and more importantly miss you and it will also give you time to find yourself. Who knows he may take that long that you work out you dont want the same thing then as you do now, but remember people can only treat us the way we let them.

My thoughts and love are with you, hang in there xoxo

Crikey!!! I hope not cause that still means I've got 105 weeks to go till I'm over my ex

 

Dont worry, I didnt believe that it takes one week for every month you were together to get over your ex. I do agree with okie270 that everyone heals in different times. I would just like to know how to get over my ex. So if anyone has any ideas that would be fantastic?

 

I just dont want to get down the track and still be in love with him.

Ok well you are definitely hurting right now, I do understand how you feel, I feel the same.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago and yesterday i took him his keys back (we were living together) and i found out that he had gone out and slept with someone else not even a week after we broke up. That hurt like hell as im sure you would understand. He called me later that night and we spoke for over an hour, Many people say do the non-contact thing, Personally I find that really hard as im sure you would also understand.

My biggest problem is the same as yours, I dont want to let go, however i also dont want to live like this forever as well. I was depressed in the last 6 months of our relationship but i always knew that i would never break up with him because basically i figure something was better then nothing, Right now i question that. Sometimes I get really strong and think i can do this without him and i dont need him and being single isnt that bad, at least im not sitting here wondering if he is going to leave me.

I definitely understand the entire abandonment issue, I am terribly scared that i will be alone for the rest of my life, Not only that im scared that no one will ever love me again and im scared that no one will ever want me, however i know that im most scared that i wont get over him, I dont want to be 4-5 months down the track and still be sitting at home wondering what he is doing, I dont really need to worry about who he is sleeping with, i know he will be sleeping with someone so I was actually glad that it happened so quickly, at least now im not sitting here thinking maybe there is a chance. As far as im concerned he is damaged goods now, i can never make love to him again or even have a root with him again without feelin dirty.

I dont know how to stop feeling abandoned, for me im trying counselling because i know that there are a lot more issues under that, like that im not good enough and that my expectations are to high. I guess for me i dont give up my body for anyone, ben was my first, but my body is pretty much as precious to me as my heart and i guess im scared that no one will want me long enough to wait.

So i guess the only thing i can say is hang in there, try and find someway to move on, go out and force yourself to do new things, meet new people and gain new hobbies. I figure that is the only way to help get over them, i was once told that for every month you were together it takes a week to get over. For me that means another 17 weeks, but for me also that means another 17 weeks of hell and im doing anything and everything i can do to help get over him, Im reading books about moving on, im on here and honestly hearing that there are so many people who are going through this months and even years after they broke up is actually giving me some motivation.

I dont know if it will help at all but im planning on making a break-up book/new beginnings book. Im putting things like positive remarks in it, inspirational stories and anything i can find to help me get over him.

Sorry if this turned out about me and didnt help you at all but i guess you know that you arent in this alone and that we are all here to help you and listen to you.

You will get through this and eventually you and all of us will be happy again.

Violingirl and Rebecca75, I totally understand the pain you are going through, My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a week ago and it hurts like hell. We were together for almost 19months. In our relationship he cheated on me twice (kissed other girls) and I never fully trusted him again.

I have spoken to him a couple of times since the break up and it hurt like hell. No Matter what he did to me I stuck around. I was there for him always and love him with all my heart, however I also know that i do not want to be devestated for the rest of my life and I certainly dont want to be pining over him in a years time.

I feel like I gave everything to that relationship, whilst he gave nothing and that he already has had 18 good months of my life he doesnt deserve another year, especially considering he is going out with other girls already, That is right he is over me in less then a week. So i totally understand your pain.

I have decided to look a little further inside myself and make myself happy first, Im going out tonight with some girlfirends and will hopefully take my mind off things, The only thing i guess i can say is if you want to call him, then do, just be prepared for what he might say, who knows you may finally get some closure.

I know it is hard without friends around, I only have my school friends (i finished 2 years ago) and unfortunately they are all friends with Ben (my ex). I have noticed that my sister has been excellent as well as my cousin and surprisingly enough, ben's best mates girlfriend. I have also noticed that those i thought were my friends have damaged any chance of us getting back together.

I know he treated me like dirt and that to him i wasnt worth enough to put in a little effort. But as you two would understand I love him and want him to want me, He was enough for me and I wasnt enough for him. I think one of the hardest things is that he kept lying to me, The night before he broke up with me he sent me 8 msg saying how much he loved me and even the day we broke up he told me we were strong enough to get through our rough period and then broke up with me two hours later.

However I have decided it is time to take control of my life, I am going to a really good counsillor tomorrow night for the first time, which i am a little bit scared about but also very happy about as well, I am regaining my friends, I have moved back home (i was living with him) and suddenly have a little bit more money to splurge on myself, But most of all I am doing what I want, when I want to.

I would encourage you girls to research something called 'Rayid', i found out about this today from my aunty, it is all about your eyes and what kind of people you are attracted to. My guess is that you guys may be like me and are what is called Flowers, they are incredibly scared of abbandonment and are attracted to Jewels, who are scared of being controlled, Unfortunately, you will be attracted to this type for the rest of your life and this type alone, thereforeeee you need to work on yourself and find an inner strength where you may love someone but dont need them.

Also i have found out that if you write a list of everything you like about your ex, and everything you hate about him, then write down all the questions that you have and burn them, whilst saying a prayer about giving your questions up to the universe to answer, that helps to.

But most of all I guess is hang in there, one day you will be happier and although he may never tell you he regrets it, one day he will work out what he lost, and you wont feel so alone.

For me i am distracting myself and trying not to think about him, especially him with other girls as that hurts to much and hopefully we will get our friendship back one day... good luck my thoughts are with you