kickedwhereithurts

That being said, in response to the post about men will always call if they want you- not necessarily. I split with my finacee for 3 months. I called and asked him to dinner and we went. Had a nice casual time and after the meal he said "I have missed you every day and want to try again." He admitted that he was so confused when we split, and confused that I went NC, that he thought I didn't really care and that I was done and moved on. He wouldn't have called and said "Let's get back together" for fear that it would upset me and him. So, you never know. H.

 

BIG

Let it be said that there is hope for some!

 

BUT, did you dump him initially?

Mate, your playing with fire with that one!

Yes "girlies" like all that stuff, however, they like it coming from the people they want to be with.

If she does not want to be with you, and gets this present, it wont make her feel happy, it will annoy her or make her feel guilty which will then turn into anger and may push any good thoughts of you that she may have had, further away.

She may also think, oh my god, look at this desperate saddo doing this after this time!......consider both sides before doing stuff like this.

Okay I mis-read your post.

I now see you said CARD rather than PRESENT!....not as bad although the same principals can still appply.

It truly depends on your situation at hand, for example my ex loves presents and treats and is really soppy with all that stuff, so I think sending her a little card wishing her the best on her 21st in August would be a good thing for a few reasons.

She will be happy, she may spare a thought for the past good times we shared and also she will be chuffed that I remembered.

Remembering things like that goes such a long way with girlys.

Mate, your playing with fire with that one!

Yes "girlies" like all that stuff, however, they like it coming from the people they want to be with.

If she does not want to be with you, and gets this present, it wont make her feel happy, it will annoy her or make her feel guilty which will then turn into anger and may push any good thoughts of you that she may have had, further away.

She may also think, oh my god, look at this desperate saddo doing this after this time!......consider both sides before doing stuff like this.

As much as this may hurt to think, or sound harsh, but it is a very real possibility that he thinks more of his new GF than he ever did of you, regardless how much he loved you.

You said you were each others first loves, so neither of you have comparrisons. He may have told you he loved you more than everything, which he probably did, it may have been his world, but until you experience anything better, those words will always be the truth at the time of saying them. He may well now be thinking "what on earth was I doing in my last relationship?"

We never forget our first loves, that does not mean that we never get better love or relationships.

I'm not saying this is how he feels, just offering a perspective that you may be missing.

It appears that she's starting to move on so why can't I????

Pure and simply, hard and cold, because your not letting yourself.

It all hurts, we all try and reason, but it all boils down to you letting go.

Once you have let go, moving on is easy.

You may not want to, but feel you have to, or vice versa, until you end the battle with yourself, you will never move on.

 

Bachelor life has lots of advantages though

Okay that's what I hope is true.. Please someone give us some positive things about being bachelor!

 

Thanks

God, where do I start??...101 things.

Until 3 months ago, I'd been a bachelor by choice for 18 months, own house, own business, great friends, great life, great outdoor "macho military" physical hobby.

Main thing is being able to be away every weekend with the "team" for our hobby, seeing all others having to ask, or have problems with trying to be away every weekend made me really appreciate being single...no-one to ask, no grief to get, no-one to think about.

Being able to do whatever I like whenever I like, it does tend to make you get a bit selfish though!

Being able to sleep spread out all over my double bed!!

Being able to have all your mates over for a "lads night" with mucho alchol and take-aways.

Leaving the washing up for days!

Leaving the housework for days!

Having no-one nagging at you to do anything!

One of the biggest things to hit me going back into a relationship, was the emotional hurt you can get if something is not going right.....you dont have to deal with that being single and I once found myself thinking, this is exactly why I chose to become single, I dont want this hurt!

When your single, its all about YOU and having fun, no emotional attachment, no hurt......if its what you need to do, let your heart heal and have fun.

You can get there. The first 2-3 months are the hardest and the most important phase of detachment. You can, must and will do it.

AMEN to that!

Thursday, you may well never get the answers your seeking, certainly not from her at this point in her life.

You want to hate her?....keep focusing on the fact that she tells you to leave her alone and doesnt want the attention,...that should help a little!

If shes left you high and dry searching for answers, she is simply not worth the respect or effort....I've had this done to me recently, I know how your feeling, I've been through all the same thoughts....its been a real struggle, a propper emotional rollercoaster, but it has to stop.

Today, I'm now finally starting to see the light, and how stupid am I feeling right now?....its good that I do though.

Positive Mental Attitude, grab it by its neck, focus on something and stick to it.

 

Has anyone successfully remained friends after a breakup?

Any other input is much appreciated.

Yup, and was quite easy as long as your able to accept the situation of your split in the first place along with the fact that they will start dating others....also bring into the equation that they like you as a person even after your split....emotional maturitity has a big part to play also.

If you have all 3 and your ex isnt into playing games, then potential is there.

Having said that, we also "weened" ourselves off each other, but still kept in touch.....it got to a point of me having to ask her to stop contacting me in one of my last relationships as it was making my (then) GF jelous at the time.

I now talk to her again after that, maybe only every 6 - 12 months though now, but its good to be able to laugh and joke with each other about our failed relationships with others!

All I can say is often, when it does happen, when you do find they are with someone else for example, it often is not as bad as you thought it would be. In some ways....it helps you move on faster. Not saying it won't hurt, but it does motivate you to move forward in my experience at least. I mean fact is that others WILL have opportunity with her now too, but other women will in time (as you heal!) have opportunity with YOU too.

 

-RayKay

I would entirely agree with this.

Personally, if I know from the start that an ex has gone off with someone else, then they dont even get the curtesy of it hurting me.....call it whatever you will, but that to me is the end all of a relationship. final! never go back because they will do it again, if not to you, to the person they went to (I've seen it done many times)....personally very easy to move on, the ex simply deserves no respect.

I have no idea if this is something that is ingrained into me from childhood, but I expect to be treated as I treat others, I certainly would not do that to anyone that I ever had an ounce of respect for, even if my feelings for them changed and do not expect it done to me....had it done though! and those ex's were happy times to let go of.

However, if an ex has let go, then months down the line got together with someone, then I suppose its down to the individual?...there is no magical cure for avoiding it hurting.

Its almost something that you need to expect, a few weeks ago this thought would have killed me, but now, I am happy with it, as long as shes happy, as I know its bound to happen at some point, I would never hold it against her if she ever wanted to come back (and indeed it may be one of the reasons that she wants to come back after seeing that being with someone else is not as good) but I doubt now she will ever come back from a realistic point of view.

Its all just down to the great cliche of "time"..none of us know how long it will take for things to get easier....sometimes things can just hit you overnight and you will be fine the next day from that day onwards, sometimes knowing they have met someone else can help speed healing up and others is just a long slow healing process, I've been through all, but usually something just clicks one day or night that makes me re-focus suddenly.