lonelymoon

Thank you for answering. I was treated by a therapist for several years but nothing came out of it. She didn't seem to understand what I was going through. Once I came to a session in tears: I couldn't stand anymore having to write cards to try and keep up some semblance of a conversation. And she didn't react. She didn't seem to understand how much I was suffering from not being able to relate to other people, and not being able to retain anything. Today, I can no longer afford therapy, it's far too expensive in my country. And the waiting times for treatment in public facilities are extremely long. I'm not thinking of suicide, but I feel I've reached a point of no return. I feel desperate: nothing seems possible.

Hi, I’m posting this message because I need help. I’m very desperate and I don’t know what to do or where to start to get out of it. I’m a 35 year old woman, single, jobless and I currently live with my mother because I can’t afford a rent. The situation I find myself in seems inextricable. I’ve been suffering from depression and social anxiety for decades, and I feel like I’m in a constant state of mental flight, always in-between or out of place. I have memory problems and my mind is completely disorganised. I can’t find a job in this state and I now find myself completely incompetent (despite having a very good CV). My communications skills are also very poor, although I don’t have such difficulties with the written word. If I don’t write down sentences, it’s hard for me to speak clearly and in an articulate way (even one sentence). This mainly because I was often left alone as a child, with no one to talk to, and also later in life. So I don’t have close friends, only superficial relationships. I can’t maintain a conversation… and often have nothing to say. Living with my mother is becoming increasingly difficult. I get angry with her because she doesn't realise what I'm going through. It's an anger I feel deep down against myself. Her health is not good and she’s also a bit depressive even if she doesn’t show it. Could you please help me? I often think about disappearing because this is not a life. I feel hollow, shapeless, empty, like a house full of holes with no foundations. Thank you.