JamesTaylor7892

Thank you everyone for your comments. I will learn my lesson and move forward.

I'm 31 years old and I've never heard that term in my life but upon googling it does sound chillingly familiar to what happened with her 😞 like you said, lesson learned.

I take your point, I think the only thing I would say is that she also probably rushed things a little from her side too. After two weeks of dating she was sending me links for spa hotels we could spend the weekend together. She also introduced me to her brother on facetime, her mum on a separate occasion, plus she wanted me to meet her best friend before she went on holiday. Even when she said we needed to slow down her words were 'we're both as crazy as each other.' SO I think we were both at fault in that regard.

Yeah I agree, its interesting because her profile said she was looking for something long term. Though clearly she wasn't up to it in the end. Oh I'm not waiting around, have already got a date lined up with someone new next Tuesday 🙂 Still hurting though but I'll be okay.

Messages have been approved and posted above my comment. Thank you, I appreciate what your saying and I totally agree, no point in opening myself up to someone who just isn't ready.

Hey, So just to update you guys, its unfortunately over as of this Tuesday. In total we only dated for a month but I can't help but feel quite gutted about this one. We met up last Sunday up her way (first time since she came back from holiday on the Friday), went for Nando's then drove back to hers and relaxed on the couch in the evening together watching TV. At that time she still spoke in a positive way to me about things we could do together in the future like go to the gym, see a concert etc. but I couldn't help but feel something was off. She was vaping a lot and had a few glasses of wine, though to be fair every time I've seen her that's been the case. I had this inkling that there was something she wanted to get off her chest but I didn't go there out of fear of what the answer might be. She did talk to me a bit early into meeting up about the situation with her ex, how she needed to get a lawyer as they will be starting divorce proceedings. She mentioned how controlling he was financially and how she's uncertain as to what the custody agreement for her kids will be and that he will try and hide money from her etc. She had mentioned this to me before on an earlier date but I think she downplayed it a bit. I've attached our final messages to each other to this post. I can't help but feel sad, in the past year I've dated a number of girls but none came close to her in terms of emotional connection, we were on the same page about everything however maybe in this case the timing just wasn't right and I have no choice but to allow her to move on. I do get her point that this divorce could very well get messy and it will probably take every ounce of energy she has (particularly because she has two young children involved) that she can't commit to a relationship right now. My theory is maybe through me she found what she thought she wanted and then realised she wasn't up to the task. I don't think she realised maybe that she wasn't in the right headspace for it, maybe I pushed her away by saying things like 'miss you' and 'can't wait to see you' and that was all too soon for her. I'm really not sure, but this one did feel like a kick to the gut if I'm honest. Any thoughts would be much appreciated. James

No, absolutely not. Bombardment is definitely not what I've been doing, even from day one. In fairness I've got a full time job, go to the gym 3-4 times a week, have two dogs and my daughter who recently has been living with me 90% of the time. So frankly I have a lot on myself, just like her. I don't feel I've given her the impression I'm too available either but I guess I'm a bit old fashioned in that when I like someone I like to hear from them at least once a day. She said she doesn't mind this and interestingly since she's been away and I've given her some space she's been sending me photos throughout the day and giving me updates without me asking.

Yes its true, she does say she enjoys the texts. I've backed off a little initiating conversations with her because I want her to enjoy her holiday but on a couple of occasions she has reached out to me which I like. I guess we'll have to see how things pan out when she's back in the country but the last thing I want is to pressure her, so I'm just going to wait for her to suggest when she next wants to meet.

Thank you for your advice guys, I do appreciate it. One thing I guess I would say with regard to the texting that I didn't mention in the original post is that when I saw her Saturday night and we were opening up to each other I asked her straight up if she liked the 'good morning'/'goodnight' texts or if it was too much. She said she liked it, as it shows the guys willing to make an effort. Again, this guy she was seeing before who wasn't completely honest with her apparently would text her sporadically and she didn't like that. However, with that in mind I personally feel it needs to be a two way street. Sometimes she'll text to see how my days going but more often than not its me who reaches out to her. I think putting my foot on the brakes slightly with it wouldn't be a bad thing at this stage and again like all of you say, its only been three weeks. I think leave her to enjoy her holiday and if she wants to reach out to talk she knows where I am.

I agree, I really do appreciate your advice.

By inconsistency I mean some days she will be very up for talking to me and others she's a bit more aloof, but I take your point absolutely. At the end of the day we've barley known each other a month so its just not worth getting hung up on. I guess I just wanted an insight as to why she's been so mercurial of late. But I doubt anyone on this forum could answer that, only her.

Okay, I personally feel like doing it though gives her the impression that I'm willing to deal with her inconsistency. Do you feel that maybe by not messaging back I'm putting my foot down and giving her the opportunity to maybe (dare I say it) miss me and reach out for contact?

No I completely get what your saying. I normally give her a text goodnight, but do you think tonight I should just leave it and wait until she initiates contact again? I'm just so rubbish at this stuff 😂

Thank you for your great advice, I think I'm going to reign it in a little and leave her to it. If she reaches out then thats good. At the end of the day I feel the beginnings of the relationship need to happen organically with both sides making a conscious effort as opposed to one side feeling like they're doing all the work. If its meant to be its meant to be.

Thanks, I think your probably right. I guess its just been a long time since I've gone on a date with a girl where I just felt such an instant connection and am too in my own head because I don't want to f it up.

True, though she's been apart her ex for over a year. But who knows...

Hi there Just looking for a 3rd party opinion on my situation with a girl I've been dating for a few weeks now. So we met on a dating app around 2-3 weeks ago and from date one we immediately hit it off. So much so that she cancelled another date she had the following evening to drive up to see me again. We then had two more dates and by the fourth one after we went to a nice restaurant she asked if she could stay over mine, I said sure and we ended up having sex. We've had a very good connection from the get go and in between seeing each other we text everyday and some days though not often we'll call each other though we both lead quite busy schedules. She has two kids 3 and 5 with her ex who she has split custody with and I have a 4 year old daughter who occasionally but not consistently (routine has been a nightmare for my ex to stick to) stays with my ex, but currently is with me most of the time. This girl says I tick all the boxes for her yet I can't help but feel there's an apprehension on her side. She says she wants something serious and a guy who's willing to commit which I definitely am as a guy she was seeing apparently had a double life and was just using her for sex. She's also talked about introducing me to her family and actually facetimed her mum with me on the fourth date while we were out so I could meet her. She did send a message the following week saying things were moving quite fast and that we should pace ourselves at a normal speed, to which I said sure. I think we were both a bit hyper by suggesting spa weekends, festivals, meeting parents etc. When I last went to her house two nights ago she as packing for a holiday with her best friend who was staying over and I ended up meeting, and she seemed a very nice girl. Prior to her coming she did open up to me about how she'd been hurt previously, how she isn't sure if she fully trusts me yet (understandable considering its only been 3 weeks of knowing each other), and that she has concerns that my ex being difficult. I told her not to worry, that I am committed to her, that I like her and the issue with my ex will be resolved that she just needs a little patience. We held each other and kissed for a long time before I eventually left late that evening and since she's gone on holiday I can't help but feel like there's an uncertainty there still with her about me. Yes we've been contacting each other still and she's been sending me pictures of her holiday etc. however today when I suggested getting a nanny to meet up this weekend when she's back she said she's already booked a spa weekend away with her friend. Nothing wrong with that of course only she hasn't suggested an alternative date to meet yet, just left it like that. I may be overthinking it but I'm not sure whether I should leave the ball in her court to suggest another time to meet, or I suggest it myself? All I can say is if she really is as interested in me as she says she is surely she would be looking forward to making some plans together again but right now I just get a gut feeling she's still not sure what she wants from this, and still doesn't fully trust me given she's been hurt previously like she said. That being said I don't think I can be doing anything differently than what I have been to help win her trust. Any advice on how to approach this I would really appreciate. Thank you James