Brittany613

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

Shy, introverted guy here. There's no way to tell exactly what he's thinking, but if he's like me or most introverted guys I've spoken with, you're doing fine. We don't mind talking and it can actually be a relief when a lady takes the initiative and approaches us. We may be a little slow to responds at first. We are often in our own heads and focused on what we were doing. If you message at work, he may be absorbed in his job and not thinking of chatting. On the way home he might be taking time to destress from work, hence the headphones to block people out. We also don't expect people to talk to us as we try to keep to ourselves and not have idle chitchat. So don't take it personal if he is a little slower to respond. 

The good news is he has responded to you. Keep talking to him. Gradually an introvert will open up as they become more comfortable with a person. You don't need to be nervous, odds are he is nervous enough for the both of you. Just be friendly and kind. Since he's new, offer to help him out if he has any questions. Make a point to stop by and say hi. See if you can find a topic you have in common or find something he's into that you're curious about and ask him about it. When it's a topic they are passionate about, an introvert can get quite talkative. 

Overall, I'd say to just keep it casual and let things progress as they happen.  You're doing good, so don't worry.

Thank you very much for your answer. I feel much better.

I am an introvert like him.

I want to start with a simple friendship. I am afraid of offending him, so I haven't sent him a message yet.

I don't know where to start.

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

You might as well asked him if the water is wet lol. 

Anyway, did he asked about your major or you just blurted it out? Because it doesnt seem he is interested in talking to you in any way.

I just blurted it out...

5 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Don't beat yourself up - you plucked up the courage to talk to him in the first place. That's a good start.  Did he seem interested, engaging, smiling, friendly?  Or was he more closed off?  He's a newcomer - maybe treading with caution.

Yes. He seems a bit introverted.

At least that's what my other colleagues said.

I felt very nervous during my first conversation with him, and I realized later that what I said might not be very coherent.

He took off his headphones and lowered his head to talk to me. He listened to my questions very carefully and answered them patiently.

I really want to keep chatting with him, or go out for coffee or something.

Just now, waffle said:

You didn't give him anything to respond to.

I haven't been in a relationship with a man for a long time.

I know this sounds like I'm being defensive, but I really don't know how to talk to my "crush" anymore. It seems like my answer was too stupid.

4 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

What was your message?

On the very little information we have, I get the impression he may feel shy or overwhelmed.

I asked him (he was a computer science major) if there were more men than women in his major. He said yes. Then I majored in languages in college, and I replied that my major was just the opposite, with more women than men.

He and I are from the same company, and he is a newcomer who has recently joined.

Although we are not in the same department, I like him very much.

Last time, we happened to wait for the elevator together after get off work, and we were also on the subway in the same direction. I plucked up the courage to chat with him and learned his name and some basic information. I didn't ask too much because I felt it would be a bit over the line.

Then I started chatting with him on the company's communication software. I wondered if my way of chatting was wrong or what? He didn't read the message I sent him until the next day, and only responded with an emoji.

How should I continue?

I asked him (he was a computer science major) if there were more men than women in his major. He said yes. Then I majored in languages in college, and I replied that my major was just the opposite, with more women than men.

I think based on what he said to you alone, he has an avoidant personality.

This personality type will show:

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked.

Those with avoidant personality, whether male or female, often experience relationships as stressful and emotionally draining. These individuals have developed a life approach that is based on self-reliance (meeting their own physical and emotional needs).

If you still want to develop a relationship with him, even if he and you are not in the same company in the future, you should keep in touch with him from time to time, maybe you can try to ask him out to do something he likes, maybe go cycling or camping together. You need to make him realize that you really like him.

Take some time to reflect on your dating experiences. Is there a common theme or feedback you've received? Sometimes, a bit of introspection can help you identify areas where you might improve or adjust your approach. For instance, if several people felt the date was like a counseling session, maybe consider how you can make the conversation lighter and more balanced.

While being communicative is good, sometimes pacing can be key. If someone mentioned that texting was too intense, maybe try to moderate the frequency and depth of your messages. Allow the conversation to develop naturally over time rather than front-loading too much information. 

On 3/10/2024 at 8:15 AM, Batya33 said:

This is one individual of many other fish in the sea.  This one person has weird perspectives and you dodged a bullet. He should have asked you right away if you have IG if it was that important to him.  I'm sorry you've encountered other individuals who apparently feel the same - it's very typical of dating and meeting people.  I was judged/criticized - over 20 years ago - for not being familiar with the Grand Tetons, for not being open to casual sex, etc.  Please don't let it affect you in any way other than you had a first meet with a guy who ended up acting like a jerk. Obviously don't take it personally.  

I'm flabbergasted as to why your reaction is to list all the reasons why you're so awesome -this situation has nothing to do with your value or worth as a person, as a potential romantic partner.

When people receive negative evaluations of themselves from others, they will unconsciously tend to elaborate on their excellent aspects. This is understandable and is a normal phenomenon.

Approaching a shy person can be tricky, but your plan has promise.

For me, I would ask him something about the items in the store when there are not many people in the store. (For example, if it is a cake shop, I will try to ask him which cake is recommended today?)

A step-by-step process is necessary. After you start communicating, you can try asking him to have a cup of coffee or something.