About a month ago my best friend of over 10 years stopped talking to me. To give some back story, I live across the country and was planning on moving back to my hometown with my boyfriend for work reasons. Her and I have talked about this extensively, and we were happy to be able to finally spend more time together after being apart. We are both in our late 20s, and she recently got her first boyfriend about 2 months ago. She told me a lot about him, and from what I heard I didn’t like him. He was already asking her about marriage, hides her from his family and seems very controlling. I flew back out to my hometown for a job interview last month so I was able to meet him. We went out to a bar and things seemed ok at first. But pretty quickly got weird.
We ordered some small plates to eat while drinking. He was sitting in the middle of us and when we got our food, he quickly reached over to my plate and started cutting the meat for me. I thought it was a little odd but shrugged it off. He then started asking prying questions about my relationship. He asked if I really loved my boyfriend when I moved in with him. This took me back, but I replied with yes of course. Then he asked why I didn’t believe in marriage. I guess my friend told him some things about me, because that’s the only way he could have known that.
He then kept asking deeper and deeper questions about my personal and family life, asking me about my childhood trauma and my family issues. I was completely taken aback, but I replied in a polite way and kind of shut the conversation down. I was feeling super uncomfortable. The entire time my friend was just staring at me, listening to my responses to all these questions. I remember looking at her waiting for her to butt in to save me but she never did.
At one point he went to the bathroom and she asked me what I think about him. I told her I didn’t like him honestly. She was surprised. When he came back he looked down at my nails and noticed one of them broke. He then asked what happened to your nail? Again, another odd question and weird that he could even notice as it was my pinky nail. And why even ask? I just felt like he was trying to make me uncomfortable the entire time. Then he goes “the first thing I notice about people is their eyes and their teeth”.
He then started bragging about his job for a while. My friend said she has to get up early at 6am to go to work. But he just kept on drinking. It was already 12am at this point. He told me that when they get married he wants her to quit her job so she can take care of their kids. He said he already has a savings fund for them and he will be making well over 300,000. Then he started talking to my friend about something else and they got into some argument.
I didn’t really hear it but she ended up leaving with tears in her eyes and went to the bathroom. Then he turns to me and made a comment saying she was overreacting. When my friend came back she walked me to my car and I told her I really didn’t like him. I said I didn’t like how he treated me or you and she agreed. She said yeah I might break up with him after this.
She then called me up at 3am that night saying they talked in the car for 3 hours about everything and that “everything is ok now” and she’s staying with him. I proceeded to text her a long but respectful message letting her know that I got really bad vibes from him and when I move back I didn’t want to see him again. She said she respected my opinion and wouldn’t talk to me about him anymore. When I flew back home i didn’t hear from her which was unlike her.
I waited a week and reached out asking how she was and even said I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable and she said i didnt. That was over a month ago and I never heard from her since. Which is completely unlike her. She used to call me every day to tell me about her, her life and her problems and honestly emotionally dumped on me. But it seems like now that I put up that boundary she couldn’t care less about me or my life or our friendship. She doesn’t even care that I’m moving back.
I am unsure if I should reach out confronting her about this or just stay quiet.
