LovelyRoses

12 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Exactly. 

OP, can you see how this continued and sporadic contact with him is keeping you stuck even now. Page after page of ruminating, speculating, repeating yourself, asking the same questions over and over?

This "friendship" is not good for your mental health. 

I know but it’s rare I find someone I click with

whats also ruining my confidence is the fact I keep going on first dates with men. And I just don’t feel any click whatsoever with them. There’s no spark of attraction. The men say they wanna see me again and I say ‘absolutely.’ 
 

but they never even text me after the date. It’s happened 10 times this year. And I know I’m not attracted to them (which is something I worry about), but if a guy at least asked me on a second date, it would give me a bit more of a confidence boost,

it’s kinda scaring me. Like I’m friendly on these first dates, but I’d expect someone to at least text me afterwards 

9 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Wow this is a huge long text! Why didn’t he take the initiative to call you to explain the situation instead of sending a novel? Because he didn’t want to discus the situation with you or having to answer to some of your questions. he just doesn’t care enough. 
 

ps: some men are liars and manipulators… and others are just not that interested… I think you should read some books or articles, read some podcast about dating nowadays, how to avoid getting played by men or dragged along, how to recognize red flags and so on… search YouTube, google whatever but please protect your heart and your time from manipulators… 🙏

I phoned him afterwards as the message seemed rather vague. He spoke to me about it but he didn’t talk about ‘us’ or how it would affect our dating. I gathered he didn’t even know himself at this point 

so I told him ‘I appreciate how stressful this is. I’m here to talk if you need someone to talk to but I’m going to give you some space.’

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

When did he send this? 

After our third date. It was legit, he was rather upset. He still kept seeing me after this and actually become more communicative 

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You've asked this many times and you're barking up the wrong tree.  A man or woman who chooses to be with another person potentially for the long term isn't "influenced" in that way because people are not puppets.  Men and women can change their minds about future potential or change their minds while in a committed relationship -no guarantees. 

But a person who wasn't available to date seriously because of major life changes who was reasonably healthy and reasonably thoughtful would tell another person who obviously wanted to be with him or her "hey I really like you, I like hanging out with you - and right now with all this turmoil (fill in the blanks) it's not the best time for me to focus on you.  How about I call you in a few weeks or (month) when I'm settled ... and if you're still interested and available we'll see where we are."  That's rare but it happens with authenticity - why in the world would a person risk not showing up as her best self if she saw serious potential and have the other person lose interest?  

And lots of things can influence level of attraction -when I was sleep deprived with a newborn I wasn't much interested in sex (nor was it allowed, doctor's orders), and there are many things that influence attraction to one's partner -mental and physical health, stress etc but I don't think any of that influences whether the person feels chemistry, a spark.  It simply influences the level of attraction at a given time - someone with a gross cold might be repulsed at the thought of kissing their partner but it's not an issue of whether that person is generally attracted to their partner. 

Also some people have that friendship caught on fire experience -all of a sudden one day that platonic friend - you're like -wow - I feel a spark -this is so weird! Happened to me at least once and can happen like if you work with someone for years and a situation changes -someone is single again etc you see that person differently. I don't think that applies AT ALL to your situation.  

Here is the message he sent me ‘Hey, Some bad news to share from my side, that has come completely by surprise. The company I work for presented me with a settlement package yesterday, paying out my notice period and therefore with an almost immediate finish date. I'm not sure if I've explained my skilled worker sponsorship/ visa conditions, but it is dependent on my being continuously employed by a company holding a sponsorship licence, in a certain type of job role (insert job name here). The conditions of my settlement package creates a need for me to rapidly re-evaluate my life here in the UK, and an incredible amount of pressure to find a plan that allows me to stay. As you can probably guess, this is a difficult headspace to be in with limited clarity at the moment. I can only apologise for how this probably changes the expectations between us considering the recent time we've spent together. I'll need to take a few days to talk to solicitors, look into new work opportunities, etc. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I'm in the right place to come down to London tomorrow. I hope you're well.

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You've asked this many times and you're barking up the wrong tree.  A man or woman who chooses to be with another person potentially for the long term isn't "influenced" in that way because people are not puppets.  Men and women can change their minds about future potential or change their minds while in a committed relationship -no guarantees. 

But a person who wasn't available to date seriously because of major life changes who was reasonably healthy and reasonably thoughtful would tell another person who obviously wanted to be with him or her "hey I really like you, I like hanging out with you - and right now with all this turmoil (fill in the blanks) it's not the best time for me to focus on you.  How about I call you in a few weeks or (month) when I'm settled ... and if you're still interested and available we'll see where we are."  That's rare but it happens with authenticity - why in the world would a person risk not showing up as her best self if she saw serious potential and have the other person lose interest?  

And lots of things can influence level of attraction -when I was sleep deprived with a newborn I wasn't much interested in sex (nor was it allowed, doctor's orders), and there are many things that influence attraction to one's partner -mental and physical health, stress etc but I don't think any of that influences whether the person feels chemistry, a spark.  It simply influences the level of attraction at a given time - someone with a gross cold might be repulsed at the thought of kissing their partner but it's not an issue of whether that person is generally attracted to their partner. 

Also some people have that friendship caught on fire experience -all of a sudden one day that platonic friend - you're like -wow - I feel a spark -this is so weird! Happened to me at least once and can happen like if you work with someone for years and a situation changes -someone is single again etc you see that person differently. I don't think that applies AT ALL to your situation.  

He did tell me ‘I’m really enjoying getting to know you but this probably affects the expectations given our recent time together and I can only apologise for that.’

That was a when he lost his job and in fact he became more communicative with me. After that 

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Again, none of this matters anymore. 

For now, he is not in contact with you. You really need to stop going in circles about what he might be doing, might be thinking or might do in the future. 

You're wasting way too much energy on "might." Start focusing on letting go, since it's already clear this has no future. 

I know but anything can happen in this strange world. He’s the one that wanted to meet up with me on several occasions 2 months after he ended things. He even looked into my eyes and said ‘oh gosh we get along so well don’t we, it’s so good to see you.’ And I know that’s just words but he’s the one that made all the plans to see me . 
 

maube I just see what happens and don’t wait around 

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Don't even worry about this right now. It's been weeks since you heard from him so the chances are slim. Cross that bridge only if you come to it. 

But the truth is, you hadn't found it with him either. You were attracted to him and felt something, yes. But it wasn't a viable prospect since he didn't see a future. 

It certainly doesn't mean you will never feel a spark again with someone else. Your fear is keeping you paralyzed. 

Well he has just moved away and has started a new job the last few weeks. He’s not even been online. He’s very career focused so I may hear from him when he’s settled into his new job. He’s moved up near where my family live and he says he doesn’t know anyone there. He’s asked if I would introdcue him to my brother so they can play golf together (my brother is a golf professional). 

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Real adults have dating setbacks too, though. 

Real adults face disappointment. Real adults sometimes feel hurt when things don't work out. I am not sure why you hinged being a real adult on the nature of this fledgling connection. 

As for right now, it's normal that you're not feeling it with new men. You're still way too hung up on this other guy to even be open to dating someone else yet. That is why all contact needs to stop, so you really let go of false hope the previous one. Being bread-buddies is pointless, as is being friends in general. It will keep you stuck. 

If he does reach out again, shall I just tell him how I feel? I’ll say I want to date you or I will not see you at all as friends.
 

I was hung up on my ex even the day I met this guy. I was so happy to feel attraction again. It’s just like there’s no attractive men in my city, genuinely, who are single. I see looooads of cute guys around but they are always taken  

It’s just this fear I won’t find it again . All my friends are getting married and having kids and that’s all I want 

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

So actually, you aren't still communicating. He has let it fizzle. 

This question has already been answered multiple times in your threads, so I am not going to repeat what has already been thoroughy discussed. 

Do you get that someone's interest can change? You seem to have a hard time understanding that a few good dates and some sex isn't a guarantee that things will continue. People change their minds sometimes. 

You need to let it all go You are driving yourself mental asking the same questions over and over. Are you generally a very anxious person in other areas of your life?

 

I am anxious but only about love

my anxiety is mainly around attraction. That I had an ex 2 years ago and I just couldn’t feel attracted since 

then I met this man on the dating app. I just swooned at this man all the time. He would show me photos on his phone of himself and selfies and I would just buzz with attraction to him. Which is so so rare for me. I feel attraction so rarely I feel it will be years until I find someone again

basically I’m 29 and have only ever felt physical attraction 2 times in my life. So when I met this guy, coupled with our intellectual connection, it just felt exciting. I would finally have sex! I enjoyed kissing for the first time. I felt like a real adult moving toward finding a partner. 

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Because he doesn't assign as much importance and urgency to this connection that you do. If he did, well, this thread would not exist. 

That's not to say he didn't like you, but only that he isn't operating from the same scarcity mindset that you are. What I mean is that you see this as your only shot at love and you have described your lack of success in dating generally - it is probably not the same for him, hence his willingness to let this one go. He knows this wasn't his only chance. 

He also told you himself previously that he didn't have the right romantic feelings to continue dating you. You need to believe him. There is a difference between enjoying someone's company for the short term and having fun in the moment, and seeing true potential for something longer-term. The latter wasn't there for him. He was honest with you about that when he first ended this. 

The fact that you remained open to seeing him in spite of knowing he felt that way is on you. No, he shouldn't have kept in touch knowing you liked him and wanted more. But it is up to you draw a line there and say no to casual meet-ups when the guy has not clearly indicated that he had a change of heart and wants to try dating again. It's a tough but important lesson to learn.

I hope you are not still communicating with him? 

We do still communicate, we’re both learning to make bread so we share bread updates with each other. But then he started his new job and hasn’t reached out to me for several weeks. I’ve decided that when he does come back and suggest meeting up, I’m going to be honest with him and tell him that I’m still attracted to him so I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Can a man’s romantic feelings be influenced by where he is in his life? Eg he lost his job, he’s deciding wether to stay in my country long term. I go on so many dates and every date the man likes me but I don’t feel the attraction, but it’s really sad to me that the first time I actually feel an attraction they don’t want me romantically. It’s really confusing

and what else confuses me is you know how I go on dates and there no attraction, I wouldn’t go on several further dates with that guy or kiss or sleep with him. Like it’s either I like them or I don’t , but maybe men don’t operate in the same way

i guess I’m just worried I won’t feel it again. Last year I started to worry I was asexual as the attraction wasn’t coming 

8 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's not enough for the long term to feel a connection especially if it's with someone unavailable in some way and especially if it's early on.  It's thrilling ,exciting, feels awesome - and of course it's a real feeling.  But feelings aren't facts and most of loving is giving - not a feeling -so if you feel connected that's great but the real proof is whether that translates into two people desiring to give to each other and acting on that by their giving actions.  To me potential for the long term requires both head and heart.  

My son just called out from his video game haze "mommy!! you're my favorite!!" but in about 15 minutes when I tell him to step away from the screen and take his shower him loving me and seeing me as his favorite mother ever will NOT translate into him hopping in the shower as I asked.

But when he was 3 and not 15 and I was solo parenting and got his stomach bug he saw me sitting quietly in the rocking chair which was new to him - -I was too quiet! -  he came over and brought me a green crayon to cheer me up -true giving of love. 

When my husband and I got back together (ex fiancées) and had our first real kiss - I was totally sure he was The One - didn't tell him that but I -knew.  He knew too -what he said after told me so.  Amazing connection.  The best. 

But that's not enough and that can help carry you through the rough spots but you still have to show up for each other, think of each other and be available to laugh together, commiserate, laugh at decades old inside jokes and hold your tongue and give space even if he doesn't ask because you know he needs that -even if he didn't ask and maybe doesn't even know he does.  That's the stuff of compatibility, stick to it iveness .

Feeling all your feelings is fun and awesome and enthralling -how in the world can you "feel" so connected -it's - magic! But there's also an element of true self-absorption - focusing inward on these exciting feelings and ignoring perhaps that the object of your delight - isn't available to show up for you daily or even every couple days -not in a real way anyway. 

Finding both is so easy for some and so hard for others. i fell into the latter category for sure so please don't despair- don't settle -and don't compare to others.  

Thanks. I’m going to try and move on.

I suppose he was attracted to me but didn’t really know what he wanted, at least that’s what I think now. 
 

sometimes I worry that the distance behave he did even meant there was no attraction there at all. I hope him kissing me wasn’t just fake on his part.

I’ve been thinking about what to do if we do reconnect once again. Is romantic feelings something that’s there in the beginning or not at all? Sometimes I wonder if his uncertainty about whether he wants to stay in my country might have an effect. Who knows 

I hope it doesn’t mean something wrong with me if I go on other dates and don’t feel that spark. I feel it so rarely but with him I felt comfortable and familiar on the first date, just good vibes. Wish he gave things more of a chance after he lost his job

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Trust me on this - you WILL.  I meet a lot of men too, I go out on dates, I just had a date last weekend, he was attractive, successful and very nice but nope, I didn't feel a damn thing other than we had an enjoyable time and he's a nice man.

I think connections like the one you experienced with his man are very VERY rare.  Take comfort in knowing there is nothing wrong with you, in fact the opposite, it means you are in touch with your emotions versus falling for every tom, d*ck and harry that gives you the time of day...  

Re this man, who knows what's going on with him and why he behaves/behaved as he does.  He may have his own issues surrounding relationships and backs off when it appears that where things are heading.

I know men (and women) who freak out when they begin REALLY liking someone, they begin overthinking to the point they overthink their way out of making anything happen.

I am NOT saying that what's happening here, we don't really know, all we know is for whatever reason he didn't wish to move forward with you.

My advice?  Cherish the memory and take steps to move on.  That's all you can really do, I don't see how you have much of a choice.

Be thankful you are capable of developing that type of feeling for someone, many people cannot due to depression or fear or whatever.

And since you felt it once, you WILL feel it again, I promise you.

 

Everyone on here though keeps telling me I was imagining that connection though. But I know he wasn’t. I had hope when he came back. I’m angry that I feel he was my only chance as why throw away a connection like that? I think he knows we have a good connection too hence he keeps in touch. 
 

well this guy lost his job when we’d had several dates but he’d been distant before that, I assumed as stressed with work. He used to reassure me ‘I don’t normally work this much!’ Then he lost his job and his visa was expiring. He started to reconsider if he will go back to his home country. That’s when I noticed he pulled away and ended things. Perhaps he didn’t want to get too close

then he wanted to meet up as friends and said he had been thinking of me. He seemed happy to see me.felt we were growing close again and then he pulled away once again 

17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I completely get this and I think it's quite common.  It's happened to me!  Not so much anymore because I am aware of the damage it can cause and how it can prevent one from moving on.

IMO though, it's not a way to "soothe" feelings, it's more about keeping those feelings "alive" as the loss of those feelings indicates the loss of the dreams and hopes you had about the relationship or "situationship," or even the fantasy of a relationship.

Talking about it, on forums, in real life, even with one's therapist can keep those emotions alive and thus keep you STUCK and prevent you from moving forward away from those emotions.

I think discussing it with others at first is a good thing and can be quite healing and soothing.  We need that support at first, it helps us to find a sense of peace and eventually acceptance.

But as you said it can become addictive and again can keep you stuck which is what I think happened here.

Nothing is wrong with you, please extricate that thought from your head immediately!🙂  You are a human being who felt a connection with another human being and as such had hopes and dreams that something positive might come out of it.

It didn't.  Best to accept that, let go of it, and begin taking steps to move on from it.

I'm sorry things didn't go your way, but you're young and you WILL meet your "person," or perhaps many "persons" whom you can share experiences with and learn from.💛

 

 

I know I sound like I’m repeating myself, it’s just I go on so many dates and I don’t feel a drop of attraction at all. It just feels like speaking with a friend and I don’t know why that is

but when I went on a date with him, it was different and it felt exciting. The conversation flowed. But then he was distant, just like I am on dates where I don’t like the men, but he was different in that he continued to accept dates, then sleep with me and initiate a lot of physical contact.

And I don’t deny me and him get along, but it makes me feel really crap if he only saw it friendly between us and led me on. I don’t know how men work

but basically I have this fear I will continue to go on endeless dates forever and not find that spark ever again. I really felt it for him, we had a lot in common 

it’s scary. 

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

You're not crazy. 

You were someone who had hopes for a future with a guy, and it didn't work out. You are having some trouble accepting that it's not going to amount to anything and you need support talking through your feelings.

Do you go in circles sometimes? Yes. Does that make you a crazy person? No. As long as you realize this guy was not the one for you, you're going to be all good again soon. 

 

Thanks that’s reassuring.I’ve been going on some other dates. Sadly don’t feel a drop of attraction like I did for the last guy which is disheartening. Makes me worry I won’t feel it again

i keep coming home from dates and worrying that something wrong with me as I don’t feel a spark with anyone. Last guy was the first person I felt it too in a while and he was hot and cold. 

On 4/14/2024 at 3:44 PM, Wiseman2 said:

This is irrelevant. You hung out a few times and he moved away. All the rhetorical questions won't solve the problem of your unrequited crush. 

Ok I’m moving on now. I’ve got kinda addicted to advice seeking on forums as a way to soothe my feelings. I’m worrying now that I am ‘crazy’ or the red flag with this coping mechanism. It’s like venting gives me reassurance of the situation. I hope that doesn’t make me crazy, I don’t know why I do this . I appreciate peoples opinions 

9 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

That's a healthy way to look at it.  You ARE okay. Better than OK.  Not everybody is a match - for anyone!   

Someone here has said this before in different words:  Most of dating is meeting people who are not going to be a match for you.   You need to learn how to let those go.  Even if you had hopes.   Both people need to be feeling it the same.  

 

Yes and maybe the fact his brothers are settling down (they live the other side of the world), his family misses him, and he’s unsure about his future in this country means he was just hesitant to pursue anything serious. Honestly that might be it 

on dates he used to talk about how he felt far away from home and it was difficult 

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

When did you actually last see each other? This is the guy who was going to move to NZ because he missed his family but got a job in the UK? And for some reason you think it's a sign that you should be together? 

A month ago we last saw each other. He took me to play golf. 
 

I’ve just realised most dates were kinda things he wanted to do too. Like took me to a rugby match, then a cheese and wine bar he wanted to try in his town. And then as friends a few weeks ago, to go play golf at this golf place

think guy would just invite me to these things as he’s lonely? Hmmm 

he’s not spoken to me for like 2 weeks but last thing he told me he was stressed starting new job 

4 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I get along with plenty of people with zero romantic interest. But if I knew that they were romantically interested in me, I wouldn't pursue a friendship because their agenda would be something more.

I get along well with my neighbors, my coworkers, people at the grocery store, and I have plenty of friends I'd never date. None of this speaks of a link to a romantic interest. If you play friendzies with someone who has rejected you romantically, then you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.

I'd tell this guy that I enjoy him, but I also like him as more than a friend. That's why I'm walking away while we still think highly of one another. If he ever decides that he'd like to pursue a committed romantic relationship, he can let me know. I'f I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

Boom! Done. You've left the door open to romance if he ever decides he wants to go there, but you've liberated yourself from wasting your time trying to read tea leaves in everything he says because you have a crush on him that's not mutual.

Head high.

But that’s the thing I have lots of friends but no one interested in me romantically. It’s never happened and I’m 30 hence I was excited for this guy, especially when he held my hand, I’ve never held a man’s hand before and that was just lovely! And I don’t understand how that isn’t romantic 

25 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Try thinking of rejection like two equally valid puzzle pieces that don't fit together. Neither is 'better' or 'worse' than the other, they both add the same value to the overall scheme of things, and one doesn't influence the value of the other--they just don't belong together. 

If you can impersonalize it that way, you can understand that your job is to move forward and find the one who DOES fit with you. And you'll likely need to try fitting with many others before finding that fit, so buckle up and learn how to view rejection as the limited vision of another person rather than as any reflection on you.

You're fine as you are. The right person for you will see you through the right lens for the fit to happen. You'll enjoy feeling that mutual 'click' of simpatico. You'll thank yourself for not wasting time hovering around a bad fit who only wants to mess with you to feed his own ego.

Head high.

I know I know thank you for this though.

it’s just more confusing when the whole time we were dating, he kept acknowledging how well we get along together. And then the last time we hung out, he told me he’s missed me as we ‘get along so well and we’re just like each other.’ 
 

and then I just think, if we get along so well, why aren’t we together? I don’t get on well with anyone as much as I do him 

58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He told you from the beginning that he's moving, but you seem to want more even though after 5 dates he was clear he doesn't want a relationship. 

No he lost his job a few dates in. But he wasn’t sure he would move back to his home country. He starts a new job now but a few hours away but it’s weirdly in the village that my parents live. Small world

11 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

All the more reason to stay away from him and not relegate yourself to a scrap heap of women hovering on the outside of his romantic life pretending to be his friend. That only sets you up for a second rejection when he takes up with someone else.

Think.

Pretending to be friends?

this evening he’s started sending me funny reels and memes on instagram again. Don’t know why he chooses to do this sometimes. He’s just moved to a new city for his new job. The city is my home town but he said he doesn’t know anyone there .I’m getting used for loneliness?

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No you are not a pain -where in the world did you think that? You are not a pain.  It would not be pleasurable for him to date you with potential for a relationship so he chooses not to.  Nothing to do with guys.  It's just common sense -you live your life that way I'm sure -you do things and make choices that align with pleasure -or the promise of it- rather than choices that are painful or not pleasurable.  

I'm sorry you're feeling vulnerable and fragile!  I'd avoid being overly supportive in a situation where you want something out of the interaction that the other person doesn't want with you- like here.  

I just felt like I might have got my first boyfriend. Did a lot of self help books and other things and I felt like my best self when I met him. When he matched me, he superliked me and it was all exciting. My friends said when I was dating him I seemed happy and I was. I just didn’t know he would give me hot and cold behaviour. I reckon he just wasn’t ready for any serious kind of relationship. He loves his solo travel every few weeks, he’s very independent.

I hope I will find someone else that will like me. I do like myself but rejection stings and makes me wonder is what I like about myself even real? 

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Is this the man you reached out to to pursue after he stopped talking to you for a few months? Maybe communicate better with yourself -I mean honestly.  You're going to great lengths to play at detective, therapist, what "men" think when the answer is very simple -people move towards pleasure and away from pain.  You are lying to yourself about his intentions.  Because you're afraid of feeling rejected/being "alone"

I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘pain’. I’ve never been a pain to him. Only a supportive person. 
 

He’s pulled back now but he does check in from time to time. We both learning to make bread and he sent me some of his sourdough starter the other day, and sent me some tips. That’s kinda nice. I maybe should be reassured he at least likes me as a person somewhat. 
 

Think I’m just feeling fragile after a bereavement and lonely and being critical of myself that people don’t like me 

4 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

When we were ‘dating’ I assume they were romantic dates before he ended things and said the romantic aspect wasn’t coming through for him, whatever that meant. So like dinners out, theatre, activities like escape rooms, going to watch a sports match, having a ghost tour. 
 

whether he was just lonely and needed someone to do things with . He did say he was looking for companionship 

then we reconnected 3 months later as friends. Doing some activities again but platonic. Then he has stopped messaging me 

I don’t really change how I act at all. I feel I show up authentically. It’s just when we were dating his communication style made me rather anxious. Taking days to reply. I first started to ask why he does that. Then he changed a bit and I observed that, then I was confused again and struggled to know how to communicative my own frustrations. So I became soft like ‘it would be really nice and I’d like it if we talked a bit more, it would make me feel more connected to you.’ Instead of being more harsh and firm. It was hard to know what approach to take 

Maybe I’m just being a bit self critical and I did ok, we just weren’t a match 

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm confused -are they dates -romantic dates? I thought he said he's not into you that way. I get that once you're close friends  you act differently but sounds like you think that "guys" are a certain way and you have to heavily adapt how you act to accommodate them.

When we were ‘dating’ I assume they were romantic dates before he ended things and said the romantic aspect wasn’t coming through for him, whatever that meant. So like dinners out, theatre, activities like escape rooms, going to watch a sports match, having a ghost tour. 
 

whether he was just lonely and needed someone to do things with . He did say he was looking for companionship 

then we reconnected 3 months later as friends. Doing some activities again but platonic. Then he has stopped messaging me 

I don’t really change how I act at all. I feel I show up authentically. It’s just when we were dating his communication style made me rather anxious. Taking days to reply. I first started to ask why he does that. Then he changed a bit and I observed that, then I was confused again and struggled to know how to communicative my own frustrations. So I became soft like ‘it would be really nice and I’d like it if we talked a bit more, it would make me feel more connected to you.’ Instead of being more harsh and firm. It was hard to know what approach to take