My boyfriend and I have had a difficult relationship. We dated for just over 11 months and broke up for a week and tried again for about 4 days but couldn’t get past our hurt. We broke up for 3 months more. We’ve both experienced unattached sexual encounters with other people during those 3 months. We care deeply for each other and want a life together so we are trying to do this again.
During the 4 days we’d tried again before the 3 month break up we had gone to a bar. At the bar one of his sexual encounters over that week long break up was there and he felt it was important to let me know. At that bar I had years prior had sex in the back room. So during that same conversation of him telling me about his sexual encounters sitting 2 tables down from us I’d told him about having sex at that bar years before.
fast forward to now.
I was looking in his dresser he uses as a junk dresser. In one of the drawers he’d said there was a sex toy of his. I said ooh where did you get that. He said a friend let him borrow it. I pulled it out. It was a silicone vagina. Without even thinking I’d said oh I’ve used one of these put it aside and continued to look at his drawers full of stuff.
He’d asked a few minutes after that if I’d used it with someone I’d said yeah not thinking anything of it. He’d become bothered by this. Asked why I felt the need to tell him that. He was in the right to ask that. I would want to know too if I were him. The truth of I was not thinking much on it and it was just something that I had remembered so I’d said it. Id asked about the friend that let his use it. He’d said he made it up and bought it himself.
Now it’s turned into a big discussion of how I am inconsiderate of his feeling and he thinks I think about my past sexual encounters often. He’s bringing up the time at the bar. I’ve told him I am sorry and I did not think of how it would affect him until after he’d brought it to my attention. That past sexual encounters are not on my mind often and if an event or item reveals a memory the memory is out of mind as quickly as it came in and that my intimate times with him is where my focus is and what I care to remember.
I know I need to be conscious of the things I share and how they will affect him. Does anyone have any advice for me? On how I might be able to repair this with him before it get really bad. We are both over thinkers and he has a tendency to keep bringing up the past and holding things over my head where I’m an air head just happy to be here be with him and I don’t let the past get in my way of the present and the future.
