15yearsofservice

Well, I made the mistake of always telling him, "I don't care who you follow!" Even up until he said that, and until I saw what I saw. And you're right. I do have to own my part.

Would it be insane to mention the most recent follows? Those are the most concerning for me but I can't say it without suggesting "hey btw I track your followers"

When I asked why he made that comment he said because he has friends whom it has happened to, their gf got upset over who they followed. I really don't know what I'd do if he doesn't. I haven't thought that far ahead. I don't think I will accept it though. I don't see why I have to. We got married. This would be such a crazy hill to die on and if he so chooses that, it'll truly tell me everything I need to know about him and I don't think I could respect him after that. I also am hoping he will see my side on this. We're supposed to be a team anyway.

I agree. Also Sorry, I should've mentioned this but it's only been about 2 or 3 girls that he's followed. But even 1 is enough disrespect for me. Sorry not sorry.

No I mean it's different if an attractive person comes into his view while we're out (still makes me uncomfortable but it's out of our control) BUT to think that my husband has control and is choosing to seek girls out on IG. Clicking on their profiles, checking out their pictures, and following them, is about as far as watching porn for me. In fact, I'd probably prefer it if he watched porn over this. This is 100x worse and I don't know why. I can't remember if he flat out said he wouldn't watch it, honestly the convo was so long ago that I can't even remember what we agreed on.

We do not see each other only once a week. I meant that we only share 1 day off. Other than that, he's at work all day, but by the time he comes home we have time for dinner and a show, and that's it. I know he isn't jerking off. On the subject of porn: I've communicated to him how I feel about it, very early on. I didn't agree with it. And we came to a mutual understanding I think. However, how is IG any different from looking at porn? I think it's the same coin. So I feel he is violating MY boundaries that we agreed on as well.

That's what I'm having trouble with. I don't know how to present this in a way he will not get defensive. HE GETS DEFENSIVE FOR EVERYTHING no matter how I spin it. So far we are just not talking to each other because he pretty much shut down any possibility of a conversation earlier today and I'm fuming so much I could land in space.

Work schedules yes

I mean I get it, I just think it's disrespectful for him to be following random normal women that he doesn't even know just because they look good. They're not even models. They're just normal people who we could probably run into someday. That's full on creep and I cannot overlook it.

It won't let me edit but I want to emphasize that I know for a fact he isn't masturbating to these photos. And yet it doesn't make it any less disgusting and disrespectful. Just wanted to clarify.

He is 29. I'm 28. The marriage is great, and I mean that honestly. I really felt like I married my best friend. I just have a lot of insecurities and he isn't perfect, he does things that get on my nerves and I like to talk often and get through things. I mean it's the only way we're gonna to navigate life together. My husband isn't very enthusiastic about those conversations though. That's where the issue is. also, I know for a fact he doesn't masturbate to these photos. And yet, it doesn't make it any less disgusting or disrespectful.

A year and a half

I want to ask my husband why he continues to follow random girls on social media after we are now MARRIED but he told me not to. My husband and I have been married 4 wonderful months. I know I have major underlying trust issues and I think a lot boils down to social media. Also all you non social media people, please don't even comment talking about social media isn't real life.... I will block you. we ALL know it isn't but that doesn't mean our partners can just behave like ***ing creeps and we just have to accept it bc it's *~just social media*~ I wasn't going to follow my husband on IG for this exact reason but he kept showing up on my suggested follows so I requested him. And he told me he'll accept my request as long as I don't ask about who he follows. I thought this was odd and MADE me curious about his following list; I really wasn't before. He's never even given me a reason to distrust him. But this made me raise my eyebrows. So of course I peeked his list, but I did notice that (mostly) everyone he followed up until that point happened before we were together so I didn't care that much. I still found it weird that one half was: random girls that weren't following him back but there could be a million reasons so I didn't even want to go there. The other half was just mutuals, or models, celebrities, influencers etc etc. But then I started watching anyone he'd follow after I started following him (again due to the comment) and I saw that he started following the most random girls who weren't even big accounts...... just 200 followers or less, as in accessible people. What reason does he have to follow these normal ass people? He just looks like a thirst bag. And what would happen if these people followed him back? *It makes me more insecure that he legit stopped posting anything on IG as soon as we we got together, so there's no photos of me, and THEN started using the excuse that he just doesn't post.* I truly want to have conversations about this especially the comment he made, but I feel like I'm violating boundaries as he clearly told me not to ask him. But that's ***ed up, because shouldn't we able to talk about these things? Also: it's been about 2-3 nights in a row now that I dreamt of something along the lines of: my partner having another partner, while I'm still in the picture, or my partner being shady. It's starting to freak me out. I wish I could just tell him to stop following these random accounts of people because it looks so distasteful. Especially bc I know the girls (being such a small accounts) notice. They don't ever follow him back either which is embarrassing. I once raised this issue with him as he tends to act weird when women are around. He doesn't catcall or anything but makes these weird back and forth glances like a socially awkward dude does when they're around a pretty women, as if he's never seen a women before or worse, is contemplating talking to her! It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. And he does it in front of me, which makes me wonder how does he act when I'm not in front of him?! I called him out on it and he said he's not even interested in other women. Well that's funny because it appears that way on social media and irl?! update: I just tried to start talking to him, but I told him it was hard for me to bring this up because I know how he's going to react. He said nothing regarding this and asked me why couldn't we just enjoy our time together. And that if we're gonna talk we should just talk clear and concise and get to the point. (I will admit. I tend to beat around the bush when we talk and we end up talking for hours or days on end. Also we really only get 1 day together anyways so we don't really have that much time together. So I said nothing because what he doesn't know is: if he didn't react so strongly/ defensively whenevr I had a concern I WOULDNT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH SO MUCH