RicBoy1

I didn't like the way I left things with her when I texted her a week after she left me. I had sent some msgs  trying to convince her to be fwb again which she was annoyed. 

Today was her birthday. I texted her wishing her happy birthday and a good day and I apologised for those stupid msgs last week and told her this is me trying to leave things in good terms with her and that I accept the break up. she replied thanks no hard feelings.

I wanted to clean the slate a bit and not having those sex msgs begging be her last memory of me.

Im staying in no contact now indefinitely (Its been 2,5 weeks since the break up).

If she never reaches out again, then she won't hear from me anymore 

23 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Arrangements like this shouldn't last anymore than 3 to 6 months anyways. They are temporary...place holders till something changes. 

I get her point of view, she feels like im not the one for her and that she will never have feelings for me and she doesn't want to waste her time meeting me twice every week cooking food and whatnot when she could be out there trying to find someone she will have feelings.. and FWB for her is more like meeting once in a while etc not twice a week on a schedule

7 minutes ago, Andrina said:

This thought process is showing you as a desperate person. Desperate people are the least appealing people to anyone. Aren't you worth more than pleading for attention from someone who chose to no longer be in your life?

Get real with yourself about your dating goals, and maintain that standard. Don't settle. If it's a longterm gf you want, date only women with those same life goals. There's never any guarantees that a relationship will work out, but starting off with someone compatible in dating goals will have a higher risk of success.

And as for answering her call if she ever does, know that recent past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior. She'd likely repeat the same pattern. Work on your self-worth, and you will attract higher quality women. 

 

thank you, you are right, she would know how desperate I would be if I would reach out in 2 or 3 months. Begging to get back to a situationship where we didn't even go outside together, yakkk 

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes if you’re not interested in a serious relationship and willing to risk STD and a pregnancy-yes even though she’s older.  And I mean generally. I’d be disinclined if I were single to date someone who’d hit someone up for sex in this situation this many times.  Yes people learn stuff like that and it’s not a good look IMO. 

I think I'll just do my best to move on in silence. If she reaches out great, if not so be it. I would hate to break 2 or 3 months no contact and she tells me something like tanks but no thanks and set me back to day 1

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would do nothing. It will come across the wrong way and reflect potential ulterior motives. 

I doubt she will reach out in the future, I wont break no contact.

When she said she has no feelings for me clearly im not the guy for her future.

Any point to reach out in 2 or 3 months and try to rekindle at least fwb? or no point to get rejected again, give her a ego boost and put my face down?

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is one of the cases where you can do everything right and still not get the results you want.  What if you played the 50% rule game?  What if you were more aloof?  Is that who you are?  Is that the type of relationship you want where you have to be someone you are not?

 I imagine you met thinking it could possibly be a serious relationship but then she told you she isn't capable of that but a FWB is okay. This is where you chose to ignore what she said and went down that path.  It's all fun and good until who you are resurfaced, the guy that wants more than FWB, the guy that wants a real relationship.  You didn't do anything wrong, you are following your path but unfortunately it isn't her path too.

  You had some good times and met an interesting woman and frankly it ended very well.  Will she miss you?  who knows but it sounds like she has gotten good at this and she will undoubtedly get over any feelings she has for you by meeting someone else and he will find himself in the same situation before the summer is over.

 It sucks and doesn't seem fair but holding onto hope she will be the person you want her to be will just keep you from moving on.  Some people are just not cut out for FWB.

Lost

Tomorrow is her birthday, I think I wont say anything. Im in no contact now for 9 days, and 2 weeks broken up. I tried to text her 1 week after she ended things, but she said she had made her decision and it wont work out slow or fast and things went too fast too serious and she dont want that. When I asked what she wants, she said nothing from you. I dont get it why this nasty response. then I asked if we could have sex casually here and there and she said no, its not gonna work out with me anymore and she said she regrets to have replied to my msgs. Probably was getting annoyed I was trying to revert her decision. We haven't spoken since

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Some move on for various reasons, like they do catch feelings or they met someone else, or feel the other is getting too close and don't want to lead them on. It's always best to set honest boundaries and expectations before getting into something like this so you both are on the same page. If you have a soft heart, don't get involved in these types of arrangements. 

I think she is a dismissive avoidant and she felt smothered. she told me many times she needs her own time and space and now makes sense she never had a single relationship in her adult life. She probably saw me very invested towards the end texting calling inviting wanting to see her and she probably felt it was way to much drama for something that was suppose to be casual

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is one of the cases where you can do everything right and still not get the results you want.  What if you played the 50% rule game?  What if you were more aloof?  Is that who you are?  Is that the type of relationship you want where you have to be someone you are not?

 I imagine you met thinking it could possibly be a serious relationship but then she told you she isn't capable of that but a FWB is okay. This is where you chose to ignore what she said and went down that path.  It's all fun and good until who you are resurfaced, the guy that wants more than FWB, the guy that wants a real relationship.  You didn't do anything wrong, you are following your path but unfortunately it isn't her path too.

  You had some good times and met an interesting woman and frankly it ended very well.  Will she miss you?  who knows but it sounds like she has gotten good at this and she will undoubtedly get over any feelings she has for you by meeting someone else and he will find himself in the same situation before the summer is over.

 It sucks and doesn't seem fair but holding onto hope she will be the person you want her to be will just keep you from moving on.  Some people are just not cut out for FWB.

Lost

Thank you for your reply. I could have done just FWB no problem but she led me on. Maybe she even thought she wanted more. She would send me selfies and say thing im your happy woman. she would say I want to take it slow and one day you can sleep over and we will hang out outside, just give me time. One time we went for dinner at her best friend house. We texted daily for 3 months, mostly initiated by me but she also did. She told me all her friends knew about me including her sisters and parents. so I started to act like her boyfriend in a way. She said we were exclusive. Then I noticed last 2 weeks, she didn't initiate any texts but we still kept meeting once or twice a week. Really weirs situation. 

8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'm really sorry. It sounds as though she has her own internal set-point, and once she reaches that limit, she ends things. It doesn't sound as though you've done anything wrong.

She told you up front how things would end. Maybe she just keeps testing casual relationships to learn whether she might fall in love. Once she recognizes that she will not, she feels like continuing would be leading someone on.

I think this is probably spot on

I still feel I over pursued her with texts and plan meetings and never gave her the chance to chase me, miss me and initiate 50% of texts and plans too. I felt I was always up her a-ss and smothered her. Had I taken things slower I could at least keep it as fwb or even more

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just worry about your future. In this case she ended it so that's in the past. 

However you are free to do whatever you want with your future.

For example you can get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

You can decide if you want another no-strings situation (don't recommend this as you don't seem to handle it well) or something that has more substance and can grow and last a while. 

I dont think she left me because I had feelings.

She told her mother father sisters about me. I think were dating at least more than fwb. But she started saying she had told her mother she doesn't know yet what she wanted from this from me.

Then she told me she didn't have feelings for me but liked my company and sex and if she ever arrived to the conclusion im not the guy for her future, then she couldn't do this FWB with me forever and that she was starting to feel bad watching me coming over to her place twice a week knowing that I was hoping one day things would be come more serious. Really hard to understand what was going on here.

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She seems to be fine with that, though. 

She has fun for a little while and then moves on. She's choosing this. 

 

Her past is her future.

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why would you think that somebody who, by her own admission, just had sex schemes, would be interested in something else? People like her are not relationship materials. She had some fun with you, when she saw that you maybe wanted more she backed off and broke up arrangement. 

She wont reach out unless she misses sex. But since she apparently has no problem finding somebody for it, I doubt she would call you. Probably already has somebody else. Again, not a relationship material and you would only have headaches with somebody like that. Go no contact and move on. 

No matter how many guys she will have, going to be the same story all over again and again. I never really told her I wanted a relationship but maybe she sensed by my behavor. I started texting too much daily and call here and there and I think it became too much for her. We met twice a week for 3 months, with her cooking dinner, cuddling Netflix for hours and sex. I guess it all became too much for her. She would text me selfies saying things like "im your happy woman" and often she said we were dating ..hard situation

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I wouldn't count on her reaching out. 

There's nothing to do here but accept her decision, and put her behind you.  At least she had the maturity to tell you that this is done rather than leave you guessing where she went. 

 

Why everyone thinks she wont reach out?

I was seeing a girl for 3 months, she is 35 and never had a single serious relationship just fwb type of relationships and short ones. She pointed out all guys that fell for her eventually she ghosted them.

I got involved with her, no sleep overs, no hanging outside, just Netflix, dinner and sex. She started to warm up and eventually she said we were more than fwb, more like dating.

Few weeks ago, she said she was having doubts what she wanted from this, that she doesn't have feelings, just liked the sex and my company and if she ever come to the conclusion im not the guy for her future, that she couldn't be fwb forever with me. A week later, she said she feels I want more from this than her and this is starting to be a problem because she is very busy and seeing me twice a week is taking too much of her time. A week ago, Sunday, she called to end things. I broke no contact a week later saying Id be willing to take it slow and she replied it's not gonna work out slow or not slow and that things went too fast too serious and the doesn't want that and no more fwb with me, it wont work out.

What now? No contact until she reaches out?