AnonymousDuck

Thank you so much for the great thoughts! Totally agree on the seasons of life, the older I get, the more I realize there are just certain up and down periods. I think it's less that I want tons of friends, more that I just feel disconnected in a sense from the ones I do have. But, this week has actually been a bit better overall so far and feeling better mentally so hopefully it stays positive. x

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I agree, totally normal for your social circle to decrease over time.

Totally, I've been back and forth thinking I may just be one of the few people who just doesn't want a relationship, but if that were the case, I'd probably not be making posts about it...thanks so much for your insight.

Oh and I’m about 15-20 lbs overweight. Always been a thing on and off. It does impact my life and health, but after many years of yo-yo dieting (was on Jenny Craig and Atkins…and more starting as early as 12), and on and off times of being praised for losing weight, getting an obvious look of sadness or disappointment when I’d gained, the whole thing has lost its appeal to me. I’ve never quite been able to crack it just with intuitive eating or being healthy without a diet. Whole other conversation but if helpful for context x

Thanks for this. I do think hobbies would be a great thing to develop-I do have a dog and like Batya enjoy some Dateline, traveling (the latter assuming the $$ is coming in consistently enough!) In my particular industry, many people pretty much consider their work to be their life and don’t necessarily have tons of hobbies or extracurriculars on the side but I think I’m craving something like that. It’s a funny thing with regard to not having it together with work, because until I was 33 I was praised constantly for having my stuff together in that sense and being successful. I still am (hard to explain without giving away the industry or specifics), but because of the freelance aspect it’s different now and a constant hustle and obviously a different animal. Probably not having my feet on solid ground with a 100% consistent job anymore is making me notice the lack of relationship more. I know that while I do need to continue to make sure I’m earning enough and working enough, I also need to develop other parts of my life. thanks so much!

Thanks Batya! Yes, I go through very good periods of exercising well, then tend to fall off when I have a big project. Currently I’ve been very consistent the last month (trying to do at least 150 minutes per week), but really intending to keep it consistent this time even when things get crazier because I know it helps me so much. I also need to watch the sugar, which is probably my biggest downfall. Very obsessive about having a dessert before bed. While it’s probably not the cause of every issue in my life, sugar certainly doesn’t help with positive feelings and overall help. I too am a huge SVU and Dateline fan! I would say a lot of the time I’m also happier watching a show I love than being out and about, I probably enjoy about a 70/30 blend of both. appreciate your insight, thank you so much.

Thanks so much for your reply. A lot of it resonated, especially about knowing all the things to say that people want to hear. Not just to a therapist, sometimes I feel I am literally BSing myself too. Appreciate this great reply, definitely feeling ready to bust out-thanks again.

Hi everyone, Not sure if this is the right section, but the closest I could think of..."Personal Growth" would work too! I’m feeling at a little bit of a crossroads, or maybe in a slump/rut, and feeling the need to get it out. There’s probably not one direct “answer” to this, but if anyone can relate or has insight that would be so helpful. I made another post here a little under a year ago about my work situation-without giving away anything that might fully identity me, things have been way better in that area of life, although still a constant hustle. I appreciate the advice that was given. Overall, I’ve been feeling disconnected from friends and incredibly antsy in life, and I do know the not fully on solid ground work situation certainly plays into it, since work was pretty much my entire life prior to last year. I’m in my early/mid-30s. As a kid I was very very introverted and struggled socially/was often bullied. Starting around mid-high school, I started to have close friends and feel comfortable in that realm. Throughout my life since, I’ve had many good friends, although I sometimes have struggled with being in the moment and really listening and engaging, which I’ve tried to work on. I tend to be one of those people planning out what I’m going to say when I really should just be listening and responding in the moment-I know it’s terrible, hopefully I’m on my way to being better with this. Overall, I’ve noticed I’ve been more guarded the last couple of years, it’s hard to explain, but just not being fully honest or vulnerable. Maybe in the past few months, I’ve felt like I have little to no friends, even though I do go to dinners/catch up with friends, and there are many amazing people I call my friends, there’s something very surface-y about it. It’s not their fault at all, I feel it’s me, but I’ve started to feel a little lonely, which is unusual for me. I should add for context given my age that I do have several single friends, as well as a few who are a married/in long-term relationships but actually the majority are single, so it's not necessarily symptomatic of wanting to spend more time with spouse/kids (only one friend has kids so far). In the dating realm, I’ve had many long-term friends with benefits situations, flings, short-term monogamous relationships, but never really someone I could say is 100% my boyfriend and I’m excited about, which is unusual at my age. I know dating would probably help me get out of my rut, but in the past 4-5 years, I’ve had maybe 2-3 few month dating situations, then I decide I’m not interested and move on. On the apps, I’ll be immediately bored or turned off by messages. I certainly don't go on anywhere near enough dates to complain about it not working out with anyone. I realize this is all a “me” problem. In past dating/“relationship” situations, I used to be extremely excited about sex, passionate, and have major crushes on people, and now it’s almost like I’m borderline asexual and find sex exhausting to get through for the most part. I’ve also had some inappropriate relationships in the past, such as sleeping with an ex I still had feelings for when they were in a new relationship, a friend’s family member, etc. Part of me I think is afraid that if I turn my emotions on again I may make terrible decisions-although I should add for context the last situation like this was 7-8 years ago and I don’t feel it’s who I am anymore. I really want to be someone who wants a “normal” relationship, gets excited about a great message on a dating app, but I’ve never truly been able to get there, and I almost feel “grossed out” by someone being extremely into me. I've gone back and forth that maybe I'm just not someone who wants a partner, as I love being alone (often travel alone etc). Again this could maybe be a “journal…” but just felt like putting it out into the universe. I have done therapy many times, but sometimes I feel I'm even guarded with the therapist! Hope everyone is having a nice evening.

Hi, thanks so much! Totally, “well thought out” may not have been the best choice of words, more like, “not a Jerry Maguire situation.” There was a big effort to keep me over many months and in retrospect I should have stayed even longer than I did. Many in my industry are currently laid off so I definitely feel even more like an idiot because I didn’t HAVE to be in this situation and many did. But, live and learn and I’ll figure out a Plan B (or C…or D) soon. Thanks again for your thoughts!

Thanks Batya, I agree, no more quitting unless there’s something else! So normally in my industry and with my particular experience, I should be able to make close to what I was making before on a consistent freelance project or projects, but because of what’s going on economically in this particular industry at the moment I decided to quit, there have been less opportunities overall. So while I’ve gotten some good one offs or short-term things, that wasn’t as easy to slide into as I had hoped. I should clarify that while economic issues play into it a bit, I know a large part of it is likely something I’m doing as well so I don’t meant to blame it all on that! Freelance work is something I more recently started looking for and hardcore putting myself out there for, so hopefully something more lucrative and/or long-term pops up soon. Thanks so much for your input. That’s awesome you entered the workforce again on your terms, my mom did the same. X

Thanks for your response! Yes, lesson learned about the quitting thing in the future-I definitely thought it through carefully, just not carefully enough I guess! Funny enough, I've recently had that same experience of reapplying to a job a second time and have had three interviews for it now after not hearing back when it was previously posted. Good for you for not giving up! It's just a bit crazy making in moments. x

Hi all, I’m a longtime lurker here and I’ve really enjoyed your advice on a variety of topics. I’m writing because I’ve been going through a tricky time, that’s very much of my own making so I don’t want to sound overly self-pitying. I’m in my early/mid 30s and have reached a fairly high level in a sought after industry after many years climbing the ladder. I started right after graduating college and have had a job ever since, typically going from place to place through referrals and have great relationships with all of my former bosses and am close friends with many of my former coworkers. I was at my last company for several years, and for a variety of reasons, felt like I had gotten as far as I could get there and it was time to move on. I interviewed for other jobs while still there, almost always getting to the final round of interviews but not getting the job. This is through a combination of applying to job postings, referrals, etc. I decided to continue to give it a shot at my previous company after the search wasn’t going anywhere, but after a few more months, felt like I needed to pull the plug for good. I ended up staying through the year, at which time jobs in my industry slowly started to dwindle due to a tough economic time this industry is going through-constant layoffs etc. Same thing-many interviews, getting through multiple rounds most times, not getting the job. Now that I've finally left, this pattern has continued to repeat itself. Granted, I’m going for competitive, high level positions, in a slightly different area of the industry, but one that I still have good experience in. I started to cast a wider net a few months ago with roles that are a little more closely aligned with what I’ve been doing most recently, but again, due to this tough time many positions are being put on hold or have become a thousand times more competitive than usual. My contacts and friends have been really helpful with freelance opportunities and putting me up for full-time jobs, I just can't seem to make it past the finish line, it's always close but no cigar. I’m just curious if anyone has gone through a similarly difficult time, even if it's maybe not as extreme. And yes-1000% lesson learned, I won’t leave another job again without something else. It truly was a thought-out decision and not impulsive, but regardless I won’t be doing it in the future unless something truly horrendous is happening at a company. Just feeling bummed and curious about any thoughts. Thanks so much if you’re still reading and hope you have a lovely night.