Wizdumb

Damn 🤒.

I appreciate your opinion. I could never be mad at the “harsh truth” it’s way better than a soft lie. Hate when people beat around the bush, tell me how you really feel.

She has said that, the issue is she’s minimizing the infidelity and lies throughout her marriage, and indecisive on whether she wants to leave or not. The fear of letting go of a life you’ve been so used to for years to go out in the world with a fresh start is pretty scary, so I understand. For everything bad thing he’s done, she compares it to something she’s “done”. For example, “maybe I’m too controlling by making him go to therapy to address his traumas” “he feels like he can’t do anything he wants because it may upset me” “he struggles to communicate because he feels like I’m trying to change him”. I don’t see a problem with her in these situations, the guy has made mistakes, an apology doesn’t dismiss the action especially if it continues, of course you’re gonna start requiring some action and effort.

Early on she was clear that she wanted to maintain strictly a friendship. I believe out of fear that it wouldn’t work out and we’d damage our friendship forever. I would say halfway through her marriage she started to realize she was fighting an uphill battle with someone who didn’t view love the same way she did. When she compared how I treated women I’ve dated and how her husband treats her, she can see his love was manipulative and inconsistent, and mine is honest and consistent. So yes, she has clearly told me she loves me and believes we would be great together , but to me it seems she’s suffering from guilt. Obviously he’s done absolutely wrong on many levels, but she feels it’s hard to judge him for those things since she believes what we had was an emotional affair.

I’m not sure if there’s a one, but there’s few you’d be willing to fight for. We’ve been physically distant for years, hundreds of miles up to continents away, yet the same feeling is there. I normally have two kinds of gut feelings; a burning desire to achieve something at all costs because it’s truly for me and a deep intuitive sense that something or someone is not good for me. I used to struggle deciphering between the two, I’m positive this is that burning desire. Everytime I’ve gone against that instinctive warning it was due to being blinded by something superficial; this is deeper and more meaningful.

That she’s been trying to force someone into loving and treating her the way she feels she deserves & she’s tired of it. She can clearly see, after going through all of this that she wouldn’t have to do that with me. The love I give her is free and unconditional, she’s never had that and is tired of running from it. I guess it seemed too good to be true. I don’t really have a question , I just want to hear people’s opinion on the topic to spur conversation.

I respect that and I would tell someone the same thing. she’s expressed how she feels about me & knows I’m the the kind of man she needs. She took on a lot of the masculine roles in her marriage by always leading the household, of course that would tire a woman out who is more naturally feminine. She put a lot of effort into fixing the things he broke in the marriage; trust, security, communication. He never met her half way or took the lead/accountability. I know until divorce is final anything could happen. They’ve been married for over 5 years and until it’s over there’s a chance things can be repaired. Obviously, at this point if this is who she thinks she deserves I will accept that as closure. I can get any woman I want, the problem is I’d never give them a fair chance if I know there was a possibility of me and her being together. Unless something came about that made either one of us decide this could never happen I’m gonna keep trying.

We had sex 10 years ago when we were about 18 , never again. She was heavy on keeping things platonic, because she values the friendship so much and didn’t want a failed intimate relationship to ruin it. Through the years we continued to grow a deeper emotional connection.

Title says enough, and hopefully I touch enough points here. So, where do I start? I’m in love with someone who is married. I’ve been in love with them years before this marriage/relationship ever began. We started off as friends in high school, and as they went off to college and I went to the military I started to see; for me, this was more than a friendship. They were set on maintaining the friendship & not crossing over any boundaries that would jeopardize that relationship. I just could never shake the feeling. Although my feelings never went away and I made that clear, we decided to stay in each others lives as friends, and of course, I had the hope that eventually things would grow into more. So, why do I love them? Mind you, this has been a feeling since at least 2015. Well, they’re the only person (friend or partner) that no matter how long we go without talking, the energy is always the same. Our conversations are completely aligned with each other, we don’t agree on everything but we make an honest effort to understand one another. Their heart is so pure and the love we’ve been giving out to others isn’t the love we’ve been receiving and I know we would fulfill each other. They share the same spiritual beliefs as me. They give me the hard truth and truly want the best for me(something I’ve yet to receive). They match my level of ambition and wanting to pursue improvement through all aspects of life. Most of my past relationships all have been deceitful, emotionally draining, poor communication and I’ve imagined this person in each of those relationships & can see how they would’ve handle things, how we would’ve seen all problems as a threat to us and not one of us as a threat to the other. Through the years we obviously dated other people and shared those experiences with each other. Which would always keep that flame lit for me, since things weren’t working apart from each other, I feel like we’d complete one another being together. So since 2018 they’ve been married and have a child with their spouse. I obviously removed my feelings toward them early on because I was truly happy as I’ve always supported them in everything they do. Well throughout the years this marriage has proved to been a big lie to this person. Their spouse has cheated, abused them emotionally/physically/mentally, and so many more things to destroy their perception of themself. I’ve honestly tried moving on a few times and they let me know how much they loved me, and they see how much I care for them and that they don’t want to lose me. But obviously it’s not as easy for them to up and leave. Well, it’s finally getting to a point where divorce is literally on the table because communication, therapy, and other methods haven’t saved their marriage. And I’m still here head over heels for this person. I’m of course wanting them to heal from this many years of a traumatic relationship and wanting to support them any way I can. But you best believe I feel this is my last chance at them if their heart is open to love again. If you’ve made it this far, thank you, and I’m sorry if it seems rushed. Kinda hard wrapping this many years in a quick post. I quite honestly haven’t talked to anyone about this situation because I know how it looks, but I’m someone who normally knows exactly what they want and strive until I have it. And I feel deep in my soul that a relationship with them is worth trying and I’ll never be satisfied without that chance. If it helps, I will reveal the gender to see if your initial perception changes. I am a man in love with a married woman. Who’s willing to risk any and everything to have her in my life forever.