Hiiiiithere

Thanks for the advice, i will sit down and write all the things i need to discuss and be completely honest. No of course not, i am so hard on myself for everything but i have no intention to hurt people, i am just hurting myself a lot and unintentionally also my boyfriend...

I just wanna say, i 100% get that people say like why would you tell those things do you want to hurt him? No i don´t, there is something in me saying that i am not a honest person if i don´t tell my boyfriend about what i think, even if i don´t want to act on the thoughts or intrusions. I also tell him that there is no danger and i just feel really bad as if im a horrible girlfriend for even having some sort of thoughts. But i know i can´t keep going on with some confessions because i don´t want to make him feel bad. I have no intentions hurting him or leaving him. We have so much fun and good moments and i still feel like our relationship can continue but only if i stop confessing and worrying and get mental help because i am afraid that he will break up because he can´t take it anymore. I have to do something to save our relationship because he is just so important to me. The crush has no special place in my heart. I like him a lot but he is no way a danger for my relationship. The confessing a lot of things is the danger. Sometimes he just popped up in my mind, or with songs that make me think of him (a lot of house music makes me think of him, just like a lot of rap music makes me think about my boyfriend or another specific person), or i was thinking hey how is he doing? Nothing like i really want him but *** i am stuck in this relationship. Of course i had intrusions like what if i kissed him but it makes me uncomfortable and i never want to even act on it, i didn´t tell my boyfriend about that specific intrusion and i won´t. No i accepted the fact that i liked him, but now my brain makes me feel very guilty for it and now i think about him a lot while in a big part of our relationship he just popped in my mind and didn´t stick very long. Sorry if i repeat myself or come across way too stressed out but i am and i need to throw it out somewhere. I am willing to work on myself and my relationship because that is so important to me.

Sometimes i was doing so good thinking i don´t need therapy. But i have been realizing i really need it to move forward. I made an appointment with the health care specialist at the GP office next friday. But before i can start therapy i need help with quitting my cannabis addiction. I smoke 2/3 joints everyday and it can have an impact on my mental health so i should stop but it is harder to say than to do. So it can take a while before i can really have a therapist because a lot of them want you to quit smoking first before starting. I think i need help for my addiction first before i can get forward and of course i will do my best but i need help with it. I really need help, the crush is not the biggest problem, i have been experiencing a lot of intrusive thoughts about a lot of things which i feel guilty about but not wanting to act on them. My brain makes me feel guilty for having thoughts even tho i know there a just thought. I keep beating myself up. I also feel a lot of guilt for every little or big mistake i have made, even if they are things i did 4 years ago or when i was a kid. I feel guilty about things i already spoke about with my boyfriend or family. I have accepted a lot from my past at first but now i just ruminate about everything. I feel horrible about myself even though i am such a loyal, caring girlfriend. It is just killing me.

Yeah i liked that crush for 2 years but i was not thinking about him that much, just sometimes, but when i saw him the other day i started thinking by myself like what is wrong with me for thinking about him for so often? I had a period of time that i didn´t feel guilty about everything. But since i do i made this an obsession, i wasn´t thinking about the guy everyday but now i do because of the guilt, not that i have crazy desire to be with him. Thanks for saying i am a good person but i hope to see it that way myself one day.

I meant saying i have doubt if i have genuine feelings for my crush, or that i just find him very attractive? It was not about my boyfriend. My thought were going crazy but whatever i think, i am not seeking contact with this guy, when i see him i am just friendly but nothing extra, I´m sure i have feelings for my boyfriend. I truly love him and i am so grateful for him and i don´t want someone else. I am going to do my very best to make a change about my compulsions, i am so loyal and sure about my boyfriend that every little or big thing makes me feel nervous and guilty.

You are absolutely right, i am hurting him without the intention to. And i would´nt like to hear the same. My brain says to me that he should know what a monster i am but eventually it makes me feel worse knowing i said something he didn´t want to hear.

Yeah i learned a lot about intrusive thoughts but i still don´t have a way to cope with all those kinda thoughts i have. If i try imagining how it would be if i would go with my crush i will feel extreme guilt as if i am cheating. I am not even seeking contact or social media stalk him i was just living my life and thinking he is cute and now my brain makes me crazy guilty for having feelings without wanting to act on them 😞 I hope i can get a therapist very soon im working on it!

Hi, I have been in a relationship for 1,5 years now. Even tho i have horrible intrusions sometimes, I really love him so much and I want to have a future with him. So here is the thing, I have a crush for like 2 years or something, sometimes i think about him a lot and then I don´t think about him at all for a while. He is a friend of my stepbrother and he sometimes joins the company. I think he is cute and smart but I never really felt the need to kiss him or be with him a lot of times. Just eye candy and a nice person to be around with. I don't see him that often, but I saw him the other day. I didn't get like tingles or the feeling as if I'm in love. But I have been overanalyzing my relationship and feelings and everything lately. I started to feel guilty to my boyfriend for thinking about him a lot. Even though I don't necessarily want him or want to replace my boyfriend with that guy. I feel bad that he is on my mind. I started telling myself that these are just thoughts and doesn't mean i'm in love, but it kinda feels like i am because he pops up in my mind too often. I really can't tell, but what i can tell is that I really really love my boyfriend and i don't see anyone come in between that. I already told my boyfriend once that I liked him but he was no threat to our relationship. I also told him that I sometimes doubt if I have feelings or not. Not the best idea to tell him but I have an issue with confession compulsions. I don´t want to tell my boyfriend because i am not even sure if i am in love or its just innocent and my anxiety says i am so i have to feel guilty. I feel like i should be honest but i don´t want to hurt him while not having intentions to leave him or to cheat, i want to go on with my life with my boyfriend. Now I feel stressed because I have a party with my boyfriend and my crush at the same time on Saturday. I am not afraid to get cheating intrusions, or to cheat in general. But it just makes me nervous and i don't want to trigger any guilt feelings about liking him that much. I am so dedicated to my boyfriend and i don't want anyone else. I feel so bad I wanna cry all day and I can eat myself out of guilt! Can someone give me advice, i will seek a therapist but that will take a while.