PixieManiac

Thank you all so much for your replies. I had a long conversation with my mom about it and after many tears, I think I’ve made a decision to take a break. My mental health is really bad right now and I don’t want that to determine how I feel about him. I may need to talk with him and see if things can change and if they can’t, then that’ll be what I need to make a final decision.

Hi everyone. My boyfriend (27) and I (30) have been together a little less than a year. Everything started out so well, but here’s the story. He is white and im black. That will come into play later. We met online and because he lived only a few states away, we met and officially started dating. I was thrilled to just have someone and he was perfect. Respectful, kind, a gentleman. We spent a week together and I genuinely felt happy for the first time in a long time and I felt like this guy was it. He was the one. The two of us talked about all of our plans. He was in school and planning to go into a certain field, he wanted to move here and go to one of the schools here to finish his degree. Fast forward a few months, I have a major medical procedure. It was an emergency and he was with me (from a distance) the whole time. About 6 months I had a very serious medical issue. He made me feel beautiful every single day. A few months ago, he came back to visit and it could be my medical issues or something else entirely, but I felt different. He felt more clingy. He seemed less willing to accept when I was uncomfortable even though he would apologize profusely if I brought it up. He seemed less mature and less respectful. My family isn’t by any means perfect, but I didn’t expect him to curse like a sailor and tell dirty jokes around my mom and sister. I eventually had to politely ask him not to. I didn’t want to kiss him and I didn’t feel comfortable. But once he went back home, I felt the space and again I felt like this guy was the one. Now, he has a new job, he’s no longer in school, no clue if he still intends to go back or go into the field he wanted to. He loves his new job, but if we were to stay together, I would have to move. I had no intention of doing that. I also found out that a coworker of his frequently uses the N word, hard R regularly. And they work together a LOT. Now, I don’t know how these convos go, but I would immediately ask for a different partner or report him for using slurs, but he hasn’t and probably won’t. On top of this, I am feeling the worst I’ve ever felt mentally and I barely hear from him. He works so much and I had to almost break up with him for him to see that im still here. On the other hand, I have a guy friend who is super nice, also works a lot, but tends to respond anytime he’s able to. I’ve known him longer than my boyfriend and he is also closer (one state away, about 2 hours in distance) and I adore him. He’s not perfect, but he makes me feel better. My boyfriend isn’t a bad guy. He’s supportive, helpful, always listens and my family loves him, but im feeling a little less love towards him than I did before. Logic says break up with him and see where the other road goes, but I don’t think it would be that simple and I’m scared. Im scared of what he might do, im scared of losing security. Im scared of once again having a future without someone. Any advice would be much appreciated.