Mandyyy_

Hi everyone. Just a quick update and I want to thank you all for your responses. This week has been crazy. My boyfriend has been even more rude for the past few weeks. Just some examples: 1)2 weeks ago we were making breakfast, I told him that I wanted to make a smoothie for us, he passed me the ingredients and he immediately started doing me micromanagement. he usually does it. He starts complaining about how I cut the ingredients or use the blender. He told me that I didn't know how to cook and that no one taught me to cook. I got upset, he then accused me of being ungrateful because he was making me breakfast. 2) Also, about 2 weeks ago, we were going to an expo with my parents, he started speaking to me about something and I just said "everything is going to be ok", he yelled at me because he thought that I was just being condescending and that I was not paying attention to him. I am very sensitive, so I started to cry, he then tried to grab my hand and when I refused, he accused me of overreacting. Yesterday, I went out with a friend (women), I left him know and he asked me if I was lying. I told him, that I was not lying and told him that he could go with me and my friend. I am going to be honest, I had a few drinks, I am so ashamed because I have been fighting so hard to not drink but I have been under a lot of stress, also some days ago I got an update about the rape complaint from years ago, I honestly thought that was closed. He arrived to the bar, was giving me attitude all the time, I don't remember a lot but my friend told me that he was being very rude to me. I think it was because I was drunk and is not an excuse but he wanted me to leave the bar with him at 8:30pm and when I didn't want to go, he left me alone at the bar. I panicked, followed him, we got into a fight and I hit him. I feel like such a monster, I hit him on the chest. He broke up with me, now he is accusing me of being abusive, I have apologized a lot of times but he asked me for space. I feel so awful. I have never hit anyone. He is saying that I disrespect him, he told me to give him space and that he will not delete my number because he is not like other guys and he can try to be my friend. I have been sending him messages but he is just being so cold.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We have had our ups and downs. Around 6 months ago he found me on an old website. 2 years ago, I was sexually abused on my birthday, I made the police report, the case is still on hold because it was too painful for me to follow up with that, no one was supporting me. After that, I had severe depression for 2 years, I started to drink a lot and to hang out with bad companies, one of them convinced me to work as an escort and I did it for a week but I felt worse so I stopped. I made some changes, I stopped drinking alcohol, started therapy and cut some bad friendships. I found out that my boyfriend has a porn addiction and that is how he found this old post of 2 years ago. He didn’t broke up with me but he says that his perception about me changed, that it was a trauma for him, he constantly asks me why I did it, sometimes he tries to breakup with me over that but then he regret it’s. It has been a little better, he managed his porn addiction but 2 weeks ago he was being rude for no reason so he brought up the topic again. He says that I need to understand that for him it was a shock to see me on that website, he says that no other men would have forgive me for that. I felt so bad that I tried to grab my things and leave but then he started being nice again and comforted me. I have no one to talk about this, he has made me believe that he accepts me and that no one else would want me but then he brings the subject back and I have to make him feel better even though it was a painful moment in my life. Is hard for me to leave the relationship and to be honest I just need an small push. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t trust me, he hates when I go out and is constantly asking me if I would cheat on him.