Hey everyone, 33M dating a 35F. We've been together about 2 years we each have a son from past relationships. I've always struggled with her past a bit (she has A LOT of past lovers). I'm kind of over that but I'm not over when they hit her up and she wants to interact with them and assures me they are just friends now.
A few months back, one hit her up and was like "want to get messed up and ***?"...they hadn't talked in about 2 years but they did hookup right before we started dating. She replied "No, I'm in a relationship but we can go get drinks in the city if you are visiting". She told me about this after the fact and I said I wasn't comfortable with her hanging out with the guy. She assured me they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. I was bothered that this "friend" didn't ask about her family, or her, or to see if she was in a relationship. It didn't seem like a worthwhile friendship to continue to foster yet she found that more important than just like ignoring the guy to keep me comfortable. She got very upset and told me I'm controlling and I can't tell her who she can be friends with.
Fast forward to recently I had a bit of a jealous overwhelming over a comment she made and she offered to show me her phone as it relates to an ex she had mentioned. I found out the two of them have talked on the phone a few times in the last few months and had occasional texts. Nothing really bad but basically he ended a relationship a while back and then asked her if she wanted to have sex with him. Her response was "I can't I'm in a relationship right now, but sounds like a lot of fun". This made me really upset because she basically is keeping this guy on the hook. A few weeks later she had donated some of her hair to charity and she sent him a non flirtatious selfie showing her new hair. He instantly began going on how beautiful and sexy she is. He then sent her a picture of him at the beach shirtless and she had a basic "you look good to" reply which wasn't too bad. I was pretty fuming at this and then there was a last message where she had sent him a picture of a basic tea light candle. He sent back a drooling emoji, not other context. I confronted her about that and she assured me it was nothing, they used to go candle shopping all the time. I hadn't let go of this in the last few weeks and pretty much was like "I know that candle was some sort of sexual innuendo to which she said it was and it means nothing to her but she was telling a friend the story and thought he would find it funny when she sent it.
I feel like the two of them are giving each other gentle touches to keep in their lives. She assures me that I am the man she wants to marry and she and him didnt work out and she has no interest and when I ask why its important that she stays friends with this past person she says because he ALWAYS wants whats best for me. I think she is reaching out to him to feel better about herself.
Basically I am ready to leave her over this because I had giant fights with her about the last guy and now this one. I have been fine with other male friends or exes who are married, but guys who are hitting you up to have sex and you are like "they are just friends, I wouldn't do that with them while I'm with you" is super uncomfortable with me.
I would love anyone in a similar position to share their thoughts on if its all innocent or if I'm right in being ready to cut the cord. Thanks y'all.
