EPP

Thank you so much for these kind words! ❤️

Your comment is spot on and I totally agree. I can only learn from this experience and make it better next time. Thank you for your contribution.

''Your psychologist believes he wants to take the place of his father and be his mother's partner?'' - nobody ever said that... ''In any event, you two are not compatible. And that's fine. It's not uncommon to have feelings of caring for someone while at the same time realizing you aren't right for one another. '' - I can only agree with you. It is happening to me for the first time but this is the reality and I am slowly coming to terms with it. Thank you for your contribution.

What can he lie about? And why? I don't live with my parents since I turned 19 and now I am 35. For me it's unimaginable to live with my parents and let alone to share the same room with my brother again. For him - he doesn't know any different. It is bizarre, of course! To me it looks like his mother is used to controlling and doesn't like it when he shares his attention with another woman... My psychologist said it's a very strong Oedipus complex.

Note taken.

Yes, but the saddest thing now is that he is blaming me that I lied to him and I have devastated him, I have betrayed him, etc. That's all that he sees...

I even started seeing a psychologist about the whole thing because I was unable to cope with the situation on my own...

The last straw was last weekend when he asked me if I would like to go to the mountains with im on a weekend. I was so very happy when he suggested and then next q. was - Do you mind if we took my brother with us?

''Can you tell more background, why does he actually live with his parents? If he's a lawyer does he not make enough money to at least live with some housemates? I thought that lawyers are supposed to make good money? First of all, I don't understand why he actually lives at home if he has a decent job and he can afford to move out.'' I can. When I asked him this q. at the very beginning he said it's because he cannot live on his own. He feels lonely if he comes back from work and there is no one to talk to. He always need to have company around him otherwise he would feel too alone and won't be happy, that was his answer. However later I found out that he wanted to buy a flat by himself and his mother did not allow him to - she imposed onto him to buy the flat together with his brother which they did and now the flat is rented out and both my bf and his brother share the same room in their parents flat. This has nothing to do with money I think because both of them earn very good money. His brother never had a gf before and he is 35 years old and my bf had one gf about three years ago but she was from a different continent and they only saw each other around three times in total in the course of three years. The rest was just communicating via phone. When I asked my bf why he never had a proper relationship he tells me because he never really met the one for him to fall in love with.... ''Also the immaturity is evident that after he found your messages to that guy, he came to your parents and told them it's over, rather than coming to you about it. Why does he want his mother and your parents to be involved in your relationship? That's not how adults behave'' - he printed out all my chats with the other guy, send the print out to my best friend, to my brother and to my father. I don't know who else is involved. It was such a nasty drama the last two days...What he did is actually criminal... I agree that it's not an adult behaviour, however every time he and I have a conflict he always somehow bring my family members into the equation, I don't know why myself... ''You also need to remember that if for example you married him, this would be your mother-in-law. And she sounds like a huge control freak and just horrible person.'' - Yes!!! She never really wanted to see me and she was talking bad of me all these months. I don't know what her problem is. ''So yes based on all those things I do think you dodged a bullet. However I also think maybe there was a part of you starting to look for other guys or at least enjoying attention from other guys. I understand you were trying to make new friends but why specifically you began going out one-on-one with a guy? You said some of the times you went out with other people too so maybe you could have always gone out as a group and with your boyfriend as well'' - I actually saw the guy three times in total before we started all going out together as a group. Ever since then I didn't go out with the guy only me and him but in the group. And the reason that I went out with him alone the first three times is because I didn't know him, I hadn't met the other guys at this point either. My bf was never there. He is always either very busy with his law work and reads and works till very late in the evenings or absent on weekends because of his urgent work on the house in the village which went on for a year actually... Also, every time I went out with that guy after te first three times of us meeting it was solely for dancing and the others were there too. My bf doesn't dance. I asked him many times to come with me and that I would be very happy to go dancing with him, I did invite him to come but as I said he was always very busy. He just told me ok, we will go dancing but it all ended there... ''I think your boyfriend's immaturity and co-dependence with his mother was actually really putting you off.'' - it drove me so mad and I was so fed up that I actually started crying almost every night when I was alone at home and he was sleeping at his house in his brother's room. I told him how I felt so many times, I even cried in front of him because there were moments when I just couldn't help myself. And every time he saw this and decided to stay with me over at mine when he got home there was a massive argument with the mother because she won't accept the fact that he was with me. I know it's crazy but it's a fact.

Actions speak louder than words, I agree. Although if you ask him he can justify himself so so well...

''He doesn't feel guilty ignoring you most of the time and acting like he's not in a relationship'' - I wrote this down in my diary and will read it any time I start feeling guilty again. Thank you so much for your support. With the help of everyone here I will be ready to move on a lot sooner. I know that I have to. Thank you so much! ❤️

''I don't think he has any real desire to take this relationship further. He keeps you at arm's length on purpose, because that is where he is happy.'' - I thought and felt the same and told him this many times, really. But all along his answer was that this is not true and that he wants to marry me and have kids with me... ''It's time to end it. What you did with this other guy wasn't great. However, your desire for connection outside the relationship should be your indicator that this relationship is just not working. '' - I completely agree.

''Please don't try to convince yourself to stay as you will be tempted again to act inappropriately and you will likely rationalize acting on it'' - I think you have a strong point here and I never thought like that but I must admit it makes sense, thank you. ''Why are you alone on weekends if you don't want to be? Do you have friends/interests/activities? Do any volunteer work? What do you do to be content on your own if you don't have plans? Do you feel needy for attention including male attention?'' - I am alone because I only moved to the city recently and have no friends, don't know people here. Also I am not the type of person who likes going out all the time. I like going out with friends but they should in my opinion not be the replacement for spending time with my beloved person. I am not needy for male's attention, not at all - I just wanted and waited for one man's attention only all this time and 90% of the time I did not get it. Even when I did it was because I initiated the talks that I would be very happy if we do something together on the weekend. This initiative never came from him. I guess when I went out with the guy I saw it as a chance for me not to stay at home alone again and just go out. I was also fed up of this scenario repeating itself every single weekend over months and months.

I don't think so. Currently I am in a battle with myself because I know with all my heart and mind that I really wasn't happy in this relationship and I have put myself behind for too long in the hope that things will change. I have talked to him so many times what has made me unhappy, he has agreed but he was too undecisive to change things for the better. Now the weather is getting warmer, he will start working on his house in the village again, then it's field work, etc. and then the summer is suddenly gone again with me spending most of the weekends alone as it was previously. So I do not think there is any chance of happiness if I stayed in this relationship. It's just that I love him and I genuinely did not intend to hurt him and now I feel guilty for casing him so much suffering whereas I honestly not for a second wished or thought of another man whilst we were together. Yet, he feels very hurt... . I think that's my bigger problem.

Because I didn't tell him the truth of how I met the guy and I accept this wasn't right. Anyway, the relationship was an unhappy one from day one so it's ok. I apologised to him, we are in talking terms now and that's all I can do. Thank you for your contribution.