Please help! Me? M-57 her F-56. We met 10 years ago and fell in love fast after both being in 20 year marriages. She has 5 kids & I have 2. We fast became lovers and best friends and even got engaged 5 years later. We have had an amazing life traveling, taking dance lessons, cooking together, just having the best time being in the same room as each other! DEEPLY in love!!! Now, things are falling apart! We currently live together in her marital home and rarely have privacy! We started a business together and have built a solid reputation in our area as the "IT" couple! The dark secret is I have not been my best self for the past few years. I've had addictions to alcohol and gambling and even started smoking cigarettes to deal with my "stress" which she is very much against! To make matters worse, I've been a train wreck financially. I've lied to her about my addictive behavior so all trust is lost! We both earn a good wage! She manages her money really well but cannot and somehow I have a mountain of debt and cannot seem to save and have basically become dead broke & have missed 5 rent payments and my credit scores dropped 200 points in 2 years. She has told me it's over and she feels disrespected, lost her trust in me and that there is no "retirement" with me. Yes! THis is horrible but I've got issues to deal with and feel we still have a relationship that is worth fighting for but she does not! She wants to separate and not reinvest in an untrusting relationship that she does not feel secure in financially. We still love each other and best of friends! Very respectful, no abuse, no infidelity but my own selfish addictive mind. All our friend & family don't know this and think we are the dream couple and so lucky to have found each other! She has insulted me deeply over the past 6 months calling me white trash, loser, sleazy salesman, and that she is growing and I am not. We are on different vibrational wave lenghts. Mine is negative and she is a bright light of energy when she walks into a room! I USED to be this way when we met! What went wrong? I can't even find the mental clarity to answer that question cause I'm consumed with guild, shame, depression etc.. Our sex life was simply amazing! We used to connect 2 to 3 times per week. Now? we still have some intimate times 2 times per month but she has not initiated for over 2 years has admitted she does not find me sexually attractive anymore! OUCH!! I know I must change in a major way but she is vague about this and let's me "figure it out". What should I do to change myself for the better! I'm dead broke and can't even afford to move out. I could live with a relative or honestly, it's the first time in my life I've even thought about ending my own life! It's that depressing knowing that I've allow my addictions to make her feel like she was not a priority and want to kick me to the curb. I sound like a real D-bag but honestly I am not and just have some big issues I need to deal with and I have already started but change can't come soon enough and it will take a while to rebuild myself financially. If the tables were turned I would love and support her cause I love her so much but unfortunately, I feel she may be throwing in the towel! What should I do! I dont' want to lose my "soul mate" without a effort to recover. Please help..... I welcome serious advice!! 😞
