I was dating my best friend and dream girl for 4 months. We had been friends for 7 years, and she recently moved back home after traveling for the past 5 years, working seasonally at some of the most beautiful places on the west coast. We started out hanging out as friends but slowly that became more. We fell in love, deep in love. We had some rocky patches for sure. She suffers from depression I came to find out, and we battled life or death scenarios. But my love for her never changed. I was there for her for all the rough times and the good times. She always thanked me for being there like nobody has before.
I got back from a trip early Feb, she came and stayed at my place for 10 days. All was great! She had said she had come to terms with staying in our state and wanted to stay with me. I believed it. We had a great valentines day, my first with someone I loved. I met her family. All of the sudden on the 18th, we woke up, she left to go do her taxes. I kissed her goodbye and said see you later. We texted all day, she was going to come back over but ended up staying at her parents. The next day all was good, texting all day, until she out of the blue told me she did not want to make plans anymore and wants to move again. Wants to keep traveling and working job to job seasonally. I told her id rather have this conversation in person and she agreed. For the next week we went back and fourth trying to find a time. She refused to talk in person but said she would talk on the phone, until she even could not do that. "I know this is hard for you, but this is what I want to do" is what she told me. I understand. I want her to be happy. All I wanted to do was say goodbye to my best friend.
I feel like im being tortured. After her telling me this wasnt fair to me and owed me closure and then saying she couldnt. I recorded the things I wanted to tell her and sent it to her. All she said was thanks. She has unfriended me, unfollowed me on everything. My number isnt blocked however. I texted her saying her stuff was left at her work. I left a nice note for her as well. I know she got it but I didnt even get a text.
All I want is to here from her again. I miss her so much, we had been through a lot of emotionally challenging times and grew together because of that. Every morning when I wake up I instantly cry. Its so difficult and im trying to move on but its so hard. I lost my best friend without a proper goodbye. Every single one of my hobbies I did with her so even those are hard. I keep looking for answers in my own head "Does she care" "does she love me" "why do I deserve this when she told me I did nothing wrong". Its SO hard. I need some support. I need some opinions. Does anybody think I will ever hear from her again?
