Sfvia

33 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

 

There is a compromise here.  If he loves you and cares about your needs, he should be able to adjust a little.  The same goes for you. If you care about him and his needs. . . 

You come up with a plan that works.  

There's an old school therapeutic marriage principle - that you schedule sex and have it whether you are in the mood or not.  Not saying I totally agree with that.  But it's kinda like exercising.  We don't always feel like it, but we are always glad we did it - after the fact.

To be honest it is like this for the last years, we do it on Friday/saturday and we expect it to do it the next Friday/Saturday. So yeah it is almost like a schedule but sometimes I just can’t you know, and like what the other person said about doing it, even if you’re tired and not wanting to (physically and mentally) I am like that too.

I can of course just have sex with him without wanting to etc but he knows that in my mind I only do it for him, and he doesn’t like that and stops immediately. I understand that it’s not nice for him but I don’t mind and I always say just ignore me and go do your thing😅.. for me that’s okay.

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I would like to strongly caution you against doing this. Maybe discuss it with ONE trusted friend, preferably one who doesn't know him. Otherwise you'll be sharing your extremely personal details with your friend group. And that almost always turns out badly.

Would you be willing to have sex more frequently in order to accommodate his higher sex drive?

Oh wow yeah that’s true I forgot about that.

I will ask a close friend of mine then.

and yeah I want to make this right to try to have more sex for his high sex drive, but I want to have the feeling that ‘I want it too you know’

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

At some point one of you is going to have to make a decision. Either he goes without as much sex willingly or you choose to have more sex to accommodate him. There's no third option unless you are willing to have an open relationship. Of course, cheating is never acceptable.

And if neither of you is willing to make a lifelong change, unfortunately you are incompatible and will have to make the tough decision to break up, even if you do sincerely love one another. 

That is very true I don’t see us with an open relationship, and I don’t see us break up with each other. I will talk with him once more about this and ask people around us for advice. Thank you for taking your time to read my story, and thank you so much for your reply and advice.

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I would not be compatible with someone who considered "hugs, kisses and activities" as an acceptable substitute for sex. I have a very high sex drive and would not fit well with someone who only wants sex once a week or not at all.

What your boyfriend should have done instead of suggesting a "break" so he can have sex with others and also hoping it would motivate you to "change" is to discuss with you whether or not you're actually compatible. And if you're not, you can go your separate ways in a respectful way.

I would ask to have a calm conversation so you can arrive at the right conclusion. 

We already discussed this for a long time and we understand each other that we’re different with that, but there is no solution at the end, we’re just stuck now.

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How is the rest of the relationship?  If you feel it's abnormal for you, you could see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done.

However beware of manipulation such as breakup threats or "taking breaks". 

Our relationship is great, he takes care of me and I of him. This is the only part of our relationship that has a problem, but it is a big problem because ‘sex is very high for him in the list in a relationship’, and for me it’s affection like hugs kisses and doing activities with each other, sex is kinda low for me. But it’s a relationship thing of course. I used birth control in the beginning of our relationship and I thought that changed my libido level but I stopped a while ago so that’s not the case, I thinks testing my hormone levels will be a good idea.

Hello everyone🙂

my boyfriend and me of almost 4,5 years have a problem, it is about our sexual relationship.

in the begin we casually talked about sexual stuff, and we already did sexting (just the normal stuff), some time later we would also have sex with each other 1,(2) per week (in the weekends, I still live with my mom, and we have/had school).

Now years later me and my sexual feelings changed, I don’t think of sex anymore nor do I have a high libido, so 1x per week is enough for me, even in the vacation. Sometimes I still think having no sex won’t affect me at all (I don’t need it?).

But my boyfriend has a high sex drive and a libido so he wants it often than 1x of course, so we’re struggling with this subject. We don’t want to force each other to change, and we don’t know what to do at this point. He just told me he’s not sure what will happen in the future and that part scared me. He also recommended if we took a break with each other and maybe it will help he said because I will miss him and maybe my sex drive will change? (I honestly don’t think it will change, this is just me). So I wanted to ask for advise from other people, or if they also experienced this,

what did you/they do?

((I already tried medicine etc btw))

thank you in advance.