For context we’ve been dating for a year…
My gf & I had gotten in a pretty big fight and she had showed me a sexual text someone had sent her (which she cropped to only show the specific text and not the rest of the text history); obviously this was meant to be hurtful. But you know how fights go.
We ended up making up, but then I asked why was that text cropped, where’s the rest of the text? And who sent that text anyways? She claimed the text was unprovoked (“guys are just weird like that”). But it was her “friend”(& someone she is friends with on her Instagram where she only follows 40 people; all irl friends). I asked what’s the history with this person? Seeing as how he “randomly” sent her a sexually explicit text.
She said they used to text each other in a sexual manner; like the text he had sent; then she went on to describe that they met on a dating app during the pandemic and had tried dating, but he was “wishy washy”, so they ended things romantically but stayed friends. But he’d still be flirty which upset her because she felt like “make up your mind, you either want me fully or you don’t get me at all” - then they unfollowed each other on social media etc
They eventually started following each other again on Instagram while we were dating; before we entered a committed relationship. And she said at first it was platonic, but then he started being flirty again. So she told him, “look, you need to let me find someone who actually wants to put in the work w me and let me be happy”, and she told him about me, & they unfollowed each other.
Well, back in November our relationship really hit a rough patch, and she says she re-added him on Instagram. She claims just because anything sexual/romantic aside, they’d been good friends and she just wanted the extra support.
She claims that it’s totally been platonic, and she actually sent me screenshots of their Instagram DMs, and it’s very casual. Not flirty. Yet, on Friday he texted her “I jerked off to you last night”. She did eventually send me the screenshot of the entire text thread and it does like she didn’t engage and that his sexual text was unprompted.
Matter of fact she didn’t engage much in other texts he sent either. But I do know you can delete texts in a text thread. And it does seem a lil peculiar that they engaged so casually on Instagram DMs, yet she’d ignore his texts; which makes me think that maybe she deleted texts from the thread to make his text look unprompted.
I don’t think she’s cheated on me or anything; but I do think re-adding him and inviting him back into her life while in a serious committed relationship with me is in fact a form of unfaithfulness, and is a betrayal of sorts.
Do I give her the benefit of the doubt that her intentions were strictly platonic and that his sexual text was completely unprompted? Or should I be more weary? Is this grounds for a break up? What would you do in this situation?
