For a bit of background, my boyfriend (25 m) and I (24 f) have been together for almost a year and we have a newborn. We get into arguments often and they usually have something to do with how he talks to me. They aren't productive fights because I usually get so upset that I shut down. This triggers his anger and it's a viscous cycle. It's my fault for shutting down every time. He's told me to stop or else he's done. I just don't know how to deal with his emotions.
The latest ordeal was when I was changing our baby's diaper and it was getting messy. I didn't ask for his help because I knew he would stress me out, but he saw me and starting helping. I had to wash my hands and come back and when I did, he said "God d*****, what's taking you so long?", to which I didn't respond because I was hurt again by how he spoke to me. I know I'm sensitive, but it's to the point where I feel so anxious around him because I don't want him to make him angry. And I already know I'm going to hold onto this last incident. I think it hurts me because I couldn't talk to him that way and it's been an ongoing issue. I don't want to play victim - we both do things that upset each other - yet I do. It could be as easy as me understanding his frustration, forgiving him and moving on, but I want to be talked to with respect, like we're working together instead of against. I don't know what to do anymore and I wonder how others would go about something like this.
