Fretful

Usually the doctor tells her she should lose weight but it seems an excuse. She has pcos so it isn’t so simple.

I’ve explained every which way that therapy would help her, but she’s not willing, even though she believes in its merits for other people. It’s so frustrating and I really don’t get it but I can’t push. I don’t want this to be the end. I feel so stuck.

She works and I have grad school. Her main hobby is video games but she also collects figures. I do art. We both have supportive family members and friends. She is more introverted and tends not to hang out with other people as much as I do. That’s right, though when we first started dating it was the other way around. She’s open to doing workbooks together so I’m going to look for some. Most of my suggestions for physical intimacy she just says she needs to think about it and panics sometimes if I bring it up. She says she’s thinking about my suggestions, like mindfulness when making contact with each other, focusing on the touch. But she won’t move beyond thinking about it. We don’t have children. She is overweight and feels embarrassed when out and about, she doesn’t like eyes on her. I guess she feels judged. She goes out and does errands just fine. She says she is content with how things are. Her main issue with me in the past was that I get too enthusiastic or pushy, but I’ve been actively working on that for years and attending therapy on my own. She is taking anxiety meds now too. In the past it was a bad combination of my eagerness and her anxiety. She puts a lot of blame on me for how she reacts when I bring up intimacy or writing though. I really don’t want to date anyone else. We’ve been together a long time and I cherish our time together. That’s what’s so frustrating, it’s just one or two things that I need to change and things would be so much better. But she’s not willing to do therapy, says it wouldn’t help her, and that she doesn’t appreciate me pushing it on her when she knows herself better. I’m so stuck. I don’t think what I’m asking for or trying to work towards is unreasonable and it shouldn’t have to be difficult.

We occasionally walk together but it’s pretty rare. It’s difficult to get her to go outside, she’s not very outdoorsy and has body image issues. She doesn’t like to be seen.

I’m in therapy. I’ve talked to her about going into therapy but she’s afraid to, she doesn’t like talking about private things with people. She did recently start taking anxiety medication. I really wish she would talk to someone because I think she has a lot to work on that I can’t help her with. I want to stay together for our lives but I don’t know what else I can do. She seems to believe she is content with how things are. I should be happy with it too, but I can’t help but think of the things that aren’t happening between us. I miss that connection, but I can’t compare how things are now to the past.

One is about writing, we used to do a lot of writing together but I was too enthusiastic about it and overwhelmed her. Another is about being intimate. If I want to talk about anything stressful basically. It’s been improving a bit lately but still not much progress and she doesn’t bring up any of it on her own so I usually end up waiting until I can’t anymore then asking about it. I’ve tried setting a particular time period for talking about stressful things like after dinner and it seems to help a bit.

My wife and I have been together for going on 13 years. We have a lot of things in common and never get tired of spending time together, she is my best friend. We enjoy watching things together, playing video games, and just working on things in the same space. Lately I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her. There are topics I can’t bring up without causing her to get upset and shut down, and even when I ask if there’s another time we could talk about it, she won’t commit. She doesn’t like to make promises because she thinks I’ll get upset. It’s been several years since we’ve had a sex life. In the past 5 or so years, we’ve had sex maybe a handful of times. My love language is a lot more physical affection based than hers, which I’ve always understood about her, and I’ve done my best to be patient with her. In the past year or so we’ve talked about taking things slow and building back up to it since we’re so out of practice. However, it’s been about 6 months and she has trouble even kissing me for an extended period, pulling away almost immediately every time. I try my best to be patient and understanding, I know we both have our issues, but I really miss that closeness. She feels so closed off from me. I know she has body image and anxiety issues, and I’ve been nothing but supportive of her. Tonight she got upset because she thought I was staring at her, because I’m tired and was thinking while looking at her. I like to look at her, I love her and she brings me comfort. I’m sad. I wish I knew what to do.