BassnBabe

Lol. Good one.

He is good to me. The thing is - other than I'm the one who he spends all of his time with (when not at work, of course), he treats me like he could treat any other friend/family member. He cooks for me, takes me to dinner/movies, etc....those things are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My X husband lacked in those areas and I always desired it. But you can do that w/ ANYONE! I appreciate those things and cherish our time together - I'm not complaining. As far as the I Love You goes...he's not told me since December 27th. I've told him a few times since then and he doesn't say anything. Like "I sure do love you!" (in that context). One night months back (I think it was November), we were getting off the phone (I was here at his house and he was at work out of state) - when we were hanging up, I said, "I love you, Bob." His name isn't Bob, lol, but we will go w/ that. He said, "Goodnight Mary!!" (very as a matter of fact). And my name is not Mary - lol. We hung up the phone and it was very hurtful because it was a couple of weeks after he had FIRST told me he loves me. So I called him back and asked him what is going on here in this relationship. He played dumb, of course. He said, "I already told you I Love You." I told him I understand that, but just to say goodnight when someone tells you they love you is kind of a slap in the face. He told me he didn't need to tell me all the time. FAIR, but still - "goodnight" was kind of a slap. When he had first told me he loves me in October, he told me he may tell me every time we hang up the phone. I just laughed and said that was fine. Well, he didn't tell me again for quite a while - so "every time we hang up the phone" made me think I'd be hearing it at least daily (just not after every phone conversation). It's all just so silly, but we are grown ass adults and shouldn't be so elementary. If you love someone, tell them! Ya know? Long story short - we started calling each other babe and baby a couple of months into our newfound relationship last year. Being a term of endearment, it made me feel special, right? I had NEVER heard him call another female babe before. Now - he calls other women babe!!!!! It's the oddest thing!!! His sister, niece, our dogs - and God only knows who else. I don't know how many women he works around on a regular. He works out of state (chemical plant work). The fact that "babe" just flows out of his mouth so easy kind of took the specialness away from it when he said it to me. Make sense? Not to sound ridiculous, but I'm your woman and you call me babe - but now all other women are babe??? Say that to the wrong coworker or someone at the airport who is sitting next to you (he twice a week (there and back) - and if she's a lonely woman, "babe" could get her attention. Months ago he was at the airport and we were on the phone. His flight was delayed and delayed until he had to go to the counter to get a hotel voucher. I could hear a woman in the background talking and he said to her, "I'm in the same boat, babe!" That was the 2nd time I had heard him call another woman babe. I didn't say a word. In my opinion, everyone shouldn't be babe all the sudden! He just started calling me that and now everyone else, too?? He uses it VERY freely now. He calls me baby all the time now, but very casually - just like he calls his great neices (babies) baby or our dogs. That may sound ridiculous, but can I have just ONE thing that is special??? I'm not even going to get into the sex. It's almost non-existent. He has extremely low testosterone (we just found out) and has very little sex drive (around me anyway!!). In return, that makes me feel undesired. Add that to no "I Love You" and calling everyone babe, and you have an insecure woman (me!). LOL! I feel like he almost undresses younger women (20s/30s) when we are out and about. It used to be worse, but I've not noticed quite as much lately. AGAIN, I'm not with him during the week when he's out of state. When he drinks a little too much, he gets SUPER peacocky (confident)! Liquid courage, ya know? But he's slowed his drinking down quite a bit. So - there is definitely a lot of dynamics to this relationship - as there are w/ any relationship. Sadly, sometimes I just feel like he just likes my companionship.

I agree w/ all of this. As far as the needs - I can go w/o hearing I love you all the time (no problem!). I've been doing it for going on a year now. But I do not "feel" loved by him. It's not just the lack of verbal affirmations. It's some things that have been done and said since we've been together that really put a damper on it. I won't bother you w/ the things that have happened, but he did tell me one night when I asked him if he is not attracted to me (due to some sexual issues), he told me he didn't think he was. He told me he was attracted to what's on the inside....and how that is the most important thing....yada yada yada. I get that...but to tell your girlfriend you are not attracted to her????????? That was a blow to me. We talked about it a few times afterwards and he never really had anything to say other than one time he did say 'If I weren't attracted to you, I wouldn't be w/ you." He is VERY different when it comes to this relationship thing!!! His qualities that I LOVE are....he's a GREAT cook (he cooks for us all the time...and we cook together (I'm a good cook as well). He's maticulous (I'm not!). He's a VERY clean person. He is VERY organized and routine. We both have good jobs, so I won't comment on his job, but he has a VERY nice place. I am in NO SHAPE OR FORM materialistic, but he lives in a place that is my dream. I'll just say...lots of acreage, cattle, ponds, etc. And he acts like I live here. I don't technically, but I'm here more than half of the time (I have my own house that is almost paid off). We are doing well for our age and are in good places in our lives. We do go together like peas and carrots. I don't need constant affirmations, but it would be nice to hear that he loves me every now and then. It's basically been a month. Just so odd to me.

No! GREAT QUESTION and observation! I thought about this recently as well. No, he wasn't passionate and never complimented me. I guess I figured he'd be super loving since he was so persistent. He never said anything passionate, but he would remind me every now and then that he's chased me for years and that "I know you don't like me in that way and that we are just friends." So, no, he's not any different now.

I've been w/ my boyfriend for going on a year now. He literally chased me for 8.5 yrs prior. We were friends and did a lot together - mostly dinner, movies, shopping. He works out of state during the week and is going sometimes for weeks to months due to his job. So when he was in town, we'd go do things. He liked me...and I just didn't have any attraction to him. I knew (or thought) he was the perfect guy for me, but couldn't strum up any attraction. Skip to the beginning of 2022 when I finally fell hard for him. Not sure why or how, but I did. It's still a question I get from people often. "What made you finally start liking him?" I'm not sure!! I assume it's in God's timing. Well - we spend all of our time together. His house is basically my 2nd home. I'm here more than at my own home. He wants me here. We do everything togther - cook, shop, run errands, etc. BUT - he just can't seem to be verbal about his feelings. It took 6 mts for him to finally tell me he loves me. That was in October. I had told him a number of times prior to that. It saddened me that he didn't ever tell me back, but I know everyone is different and I was patient. Now that he finally told me in October, he's only told me a handful of times since. I am kind of used to it on most days, but then there are days like today that I'm really struggling w/ wonderig if he REALLY loves me if it's SO HARD for him to say it to me. He assured me from day one that I would NEVER have to worry about him cheating and I never thought I would ever have to worry about that w/ him (in prior years when I tried to picture myself w/ him). I don't think he is, but I do worry about him being attracted to other women and if he doesn't REALLY love me....could he step out on me when he's out of state. Not only does he not tell me he loves me, he has a very low sex drive. He's almost 50 and his testosterone is very low. He rarely compliments me. It took him MONTHS AND MONTHS to finally say something nice to me about my looks and it wasn't in a passionate moment. It was at the dinner table at a restaurant. I told him something about being my good looking handsome man and he said something about me being his beautiful woman. That was the ONLY time he's every called me beautiful. He told me the other day I looked good in my jacket and that was I was pretty "in the jacket" and that it made my eyes pop. It made me feel good, but honestly....since it took him SO long to start making ANY compliments, and I've brought it to his attention like 50 times in the past, it's almost like I don't take it serious. I know that may sound silly, but like I said...I had to tell him over and over this past year that he never says anything nice to me, but picks me apart sometimes. I am 50 and he is about to be 50. We aren't kids. We have both been married and left by our spouses and broken hearted. I know he's scorned. He was single for 12 yrs and I was mostly single for 14.5 (yes, we both had interactions w/ the opposite sex in that time, but nothing lasting). He basically treats me like I'm his wife (to an extent), but I can't help but feel like he just enjoys my companionship. He talks about our future all the time and everything is "we" and "ours," but it's EXTREMELY hard not to hear "I love you" or anything passionate from him. I just sent him a text yesterday telling him how much I appreciate him and that I love him more than he knows. His response was, "Thanks babe. Now I've got to get to work." That cut like a knife. I've poured my heart out to him a number of times and he never has anything to say in response other than, "I told him from the beginning that I'm not affectionate." HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, but not ever want to tell them that? I look at him often and tell him that I love him so much. That's just who I am. I do love him very deeply. This is eating me up. Anyone deal w/ anything like this?