WanderorWonder

With how close we were, she deserved a conversation. Or at the least a gentle distancing approach. I see how I could have went about it better, still.

Hi all, I agree with all your opinions. I'm going to give her space and just let this experience teach me how to handle friendships/break ups better in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

That makes sense. I will say I wasn't expecting things to be the same after I sent my break-up text, but I wasn't expecting to be treated as a stranger. But I should have recognized she was processing it her way. I look back and really cringe on calling her out on it, because that second text was quite harsh.

I met "Angela" in my freshman year of college. (We're seniors now.) We became close friends very fast and I felt I found a kindred spirit in her. But Angela also constantly made racist/sexist/homophobic comments that bothered me. (We're both POC and she dealt with a lot of self-hate issues, putting down her own ethnicity, people from my ethnicity, and had other religious-fueled sexist and homophobic views.) I (naively) thought that I could be a positive influence in her life and would try to counter her comments, but to no avail. Over time, I started disliking other aspects of her personality and partially felt incompatible with her, like I couldn't fully be myself with her. This confused me for a long time, because she was also kind, funny, generous and thoughtful in many other ways. It's clear to me now that Angela should have faded into an acquaintance/I should have found other people I was more compatible with and had more respect for, but I had been homeschooled before meeting Angela and was out of practice with friendships and have learned a lot since then. Over the summer break, after several weeks of us not speaking much, I sent a "it's not you, it's me" text to Angela, that I've been rethinking a lot in my life including my friendship with her, that I always felt I couldn't be full self around her, and that I didn't want to break up with her all at once but that I wanted to be honest with her now. She responded supportively, and on the first day back, we saw each other in a group setting and talked amicably in passing. But every time I saw her after that, passing in the hallway or across a room, she would go dead face/turn away/ignore my waves/go out her way to leave the room if she could. I later sent a text calling her out on it, that my text to her over the summer was not a pass for her to treat me like trash, and that she is still friends with people who treated her much worse with no explanation or apology, yet I receive this from her. I can go into how she responded if someone asks (she ultimately said she was "trying to give me space") and how our later in-person conversation went, but right now, I want to know if I did anything wrong in all of this.