LostSheep

The kids do treat him like family.. and i fully agree he is only dealing it by acting out but classified it under 'disciplining' by abusing his authority as an adult, as their uncle. No matter what i said, he would just rebut. I need a method to communicate effectively with him. To make him see what is wrong with his behaviour.

We don't live in the same household but as we stay near each other, my sister and I would often gather and spend time at my mum's place.. probably about 2 to 3 times a week.

I have been married for about 3 years now, after dating for about 5 years. My husband used to get along well with my nephew, but over the year i noticed the change in him. He likes to irritate my nephew initially by making them cry. He would always tell me that is his way of 'playing' with the kids. As both my nephew started growing up, their energy level expanded and some times they can be loud while playing or talking. He gets annoyed by this. My mother in law actually told my mum that he dislike noise and he did mentioned to MIL that both my nephews are very noisy. And to 'not mind him too much'. Now, his behavior is making me stressed up. He will do things like pinching or sometimes hitting my nephew. We have had a few big fights before due to all these issues. Every single time when I bring up the issue of not wanting him to discipline the kids, he will use his status saying if that is the case, he is just a uncle in name. I dont mind him scolding my nephew if they misbehave, but I do not agree that he have the rights to hit or pinch other people child, I dont do that to other people kids, not even my nephew. I will discipline by being firm in my words or scold them and make them understand what is wrong. He would then say their parent - my sister or my parent are not disciplining so he would take their place instead. Making it worse, he said things like because my sister and parent are not discipling them well that is why they are are behaving in such manners. I do not think that he have the rights to talk about other family teaching method and manners, I was brought up this way too - does it mean I behave badly and am not well mannered? And when I said I do not think that he is right to raise his hands on other people child, he would ask me why are my parent allowed to do so if they are also not the parent.. My sister is not very happy with how he treated my nephew as well but have never voiced out to him because she did not want to make things awkward. ?She tried before and he said that she is just protecting her child from the wrong thing.. Im at a loss. I m tired being stuck in between and my message to him doesnt get through. I dont see him behaving like this to our friends kids and I definitely do not see him behaving this way with his nephew even though when asked, he claimed that he will scold them too if they misbehave. Speaking to him does not work because he refuse to listen to what i have to say and emphasise I am always siding with the kids and am always over reacting or being drama. I need help or advice on how to deal with this.