HeyHeyLovinlife

So .. clearly there’s an issue here. I’ve dated some toxic women after my ex wife and I divorced a few years ago. The current woman is everything I’ve ever wished for in a partner. And everything I deserve. But. She clearly deserves some personal development work and therapy. She has been rocked by past hurts and each time we are about to move forward she pulls back. And I’m aware that this behavior is jot something I want or deserve. But she is so so close To perfect in so many ways. And yet not. So I’ve kinda kept it light and cool and dated other women while I’ve waited for her to actually date me. I Stopped when she and I started ramping up in August /Sept. then recently the breaks were put on when I stayed with my ex for my daughters birthday. So.. to protect my heart from her instability… I started searching on apps and lining up other dates. I’m right on the edge of saying goodbye to her. But. I want to give it everything it deserves in a reasonable and healthy way. If it continues too cool off or she pulls back more. Goodbye. If things warm up leading up to December and evolve on that date and beyond … I’ll keep myself in it. But I’m ultra cautious now that the most recent attempt to bail happened. It’s like easy to say it’s not worth it or unhealthy or to block her…. But.. this person is so very close. Maybe she is the next Mrs HeyHeyLovinlife… Maybe not. I’ll know soon

I’ve been really excited about a woman that I’ve been talking to for over 8 months. We have known each other for over 3 years… both really like eachother… but things have gone from 100 to zero all of a sudden… leading hot to our first actual date. We had our very first date last Saturday. One week ago… It was great but something weird shifted in her leading up to the date…. And I can’t figure it out. Our connection has grown steadily stronger over time. We seem perfect for eachother. But each time we set a date…. Inevitably… just before we meet… she gets scared and pulls back. This has happened like 6 times… a couple times in the very beginning… winter 2021 and spring of 2022. It was never a good time for a date because she was too busy with work or other absolutely reasonable and real reasons. I think we set up one coffee date and canceled last minute due to her plans shifting or something. Then we decided we would wait until summer when my kids arrive. She loves them and wanted to visit them. Then when the time came and went I asked her what was up and she said she thought she could visit but when the time came she just couldn’t face it because her ex lived in the very small town where I live. He’s around all the time. I bump into him often so her fear of bumping into him is legit. Then we set up a date a week or two later but her escrow closed on her new house… and then she became all consumed with that for a while… weeks… Then we set up another date… In a shotgun kind of way. I was being a bit pushy. And she agreed to see me. Then I didn’t bring it up the week of the date… for fear that she would back out.. and on the night before the date I asked where she might like to go. She acted taken by surprise and said she couldn’t make it on short notice. Then offered to meet up the following day. But then her mom scheduled lunch and dinner for the family. All of her reasons were legitimate and I was completely understanding but it added up to a pattern of her not following through. Fast forward… About a month ago … in a playful way… I confronted her about not meeting me and how it felt and how I needed us to actually have a first date or move on. We played around with some ideas then agreed to book tickets to a show in December. Then 2 weeks ago before I left town to visit my daughter for her birthday we agreed to a date sooner. Last week. Our connection has been growing and growing. Stronger and stronger. Texting all day every day. Talking on the phone every other day. Then she became a bit upset that I stayed in the same house as my ex fir my daughter’s birthday. We talked about it and maintained our connection. And then when I returned she began pulling back. As the 1st in person date approached. And then as I feared… at 2pm when we were scheduled to meet at 7pm she asked to postpone to the following weekend…. When she knew I’d be in CA. She said that she was overly tired (I believe her) and also said that she wasn’t ready and things were moving too fast… We have been talking for about a year now… texting almost daily for 8 months…. Have expressed very deep connection and feelings for one another… and all of a sudden she pulls back… like we have seriously discussed marriage and having children and our future lives together. So I tell her how devastated i felt and how I felt it coming. I felt her pulling back. And I empathized and told her to put herself and her needs first and take a breath and give me a call sometime if and when she was ready to date. She said she felt pressured but now that I was being understanding she would take a nap and if she felt up to it would see me at 7. We did end up meeting and the date was truly wonderful. She told me that it hurt her feelings that I thought she didn’t want to date and said that she does. But… The connection isn’t there the way it was a week before our date. To be honest I really really like her. But she seems so afraid that I am what she wants and she is afraid of being hurt. Or she just isn’t that into me but loves that we have all of the bond and connection of a long term relationship without any potential heartbreak because she won’t move forward. I decided that once she started pulling back I would date other women again. To protect my heart from her yo yo ing. But I’m not sure that’s right either. TL:DR - I’m in love and i think she is too but she is acting hot and cold and i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be overly sensitive and emotional and needy and chase her away but I don’t want to play games and match her hot and cold. Advice please - thank you!