Hi,
I found this site online for advise. My close friends know all there is to know about myself and my partner and each have their own opinions. I’d like advise from people who don’t know us.
I met my partner at work. We used to go for cigs together and then one day he found me on a dating site we were both on. He pressed like.
I then saw this and messaged him exclaiming wow, I never knew you were single!?
From this point we spoke all day, everyday and met for coffees and cigs even more at work.
We went on an amazing first date. A walk in a local nature area and it lasted most of the day! We didn’t take a breath through chatting so much.
We both stated that we didn’t want a fling or just fun, we were both looking for a lasting relationship and wanted to settle down.
we both said communication, trust, faithfulness and honesty were all important to the both of us. We would also not give up easily and would work problems out rather than ending it.
We met up a 2/3 times a week and the rest we stayed apart but this very quickly shot up to almost daily.
Suddenly, I found he was pretty much living with me.
I’d like to say, at this point, that even though I knew it was early days, we got on so well and enjoyed each other’s company so I didn’t suggest he go home a night or two.
Fast forward a few months and I realised this man was so stubborn!!
I know not every argument was his fault, I could be at fault just as much on other occasions but I would put my hands up, apologise and work on bettering myself so whatever had happened wouldn’t happen again.
I found my partner never did this. He never said sorry. He never accepted anything was his fault and I felt he twisted things to turn the blame on me.
This would then enrage me through so much frustration when all my friends and family would agree he was wrong.
I told him to pack his things a couple of times, a few weeks between each time but he wouldn’t go. He didn’t want to leave and we would end up crying, hugging and glad he didn’t leave.
Fast forward again to a couple of weeks ago.
I had to house sit for a good friend. He agreed to stay there with me.
We had an arguement and I told him to go pack his things at home and go back to his flat (which he still had but wasn’t living in).
He didn’t. But he did stay home and not at my friends with me.
The next day, he packed his things and went back to his flat.
We were both heart broken and it has affected both of us massively.
We decided to stay friends and he has told me several times he misses me so much.
Very quickly I realised I didn’t want to lose him and I regretted it big time.
I asked for him back and I seriously did not realise his answer would be no.
He wanted to stay friends, friends with benefits but not date anymore.
I find this hurtful that that’s all he wants.
I know that he wants me back and misses me and we have a lot of sexual attraction between us too but as much as he wants me back, he doesn’t want the arguments.
I obviously get this but he’s not giving us a chance to try again. Yet he’s with me several nights a week, not just sex, eating dinner, watching tv with me. Things that couples would do, but we aren’t actually together anymore.
Last night, he slept over and didn’t go until the afternoon.
To me, this is a very conflicted man. He wants me, he wants to be with me, but yet he’s not admitting it when I ask him.
This is making me confused, upset, and when he slept over and left in the afternoon I just cried because he would normally live here and be here all day and night.
I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with him. But I can’t help it. It’s like my only way of keeping a piece of him. I also feel like he’s on the verge of saying he wants to be with me again. He was just as upset about leaving as I was. I could see it.
I don’t know what to do from here.
sorry this is long winded but I wanted to lay some detail down.
What should I do? I don’t want to lose him.
