I am 47 yo. I own a beach bar . I look much you ger and i am quite fit. 6 years ago a girl cane to work for me. 17 years younger. We had a great chemistry and everybody thought we were a couple. She had a boyfriend but i understood she had a crush on me . She worked for me for 2 summers. In the end of the 2nd summer we started to get closer. We would hang out , watch movies and sometimes she would fall asleep next to me. One day she asked me "didn't you understand anything these 2 years" ? I told her i kinda did but she had a boyfriend and we had a big age gap.
She left , she broke up with her boyfriend. We kept seeing eachother during the winters. As friends always. We had a great time every time we would meet.
She went to work to another island, met a guy and they left abroad.
Last december i got a text from her telling me she is coming back and that she broke up with her boyfriend. We started seeing eachother and started to have sex. It was january. She told me from the start that she doesn't want to be in another relationship and that she is planning to go on another island in summer with a friend of hers. I told her i was always thinking of her cus she is totally my type of woman and that i dont want to let her go again from my life. At the 2 summers she was working for me she saw a lot of girls passing by. She met some of them and they were all telling her how good i am in bed and that they had a crush on me etc. She was saying i am a womaniser. She also knows i like tough girls. Not the really girly ones.
Our relationship started to get stronger. She gave herself completely to me sexually and i would make her feel great things in bed. I could see it and she was also telling me that the way i please her in bed was unique for her. I showed her love. I would make her every morning a cappuccino and bring it to bed when she was waking up.We loved being with eachother. Genuine attraction and desire. Slowly we started talking about marriage, kids and what we would do on the winter that was coming when the summer season would end.
So in march she left for that other island. I felt love for her and i could tell she was feeling the same. I told her "I don't want you to go to that island .I want us to be together at my beach bar and make money for us. But the fact that you are in my life is more importand. I will not push you or ruin our relationship because of that. "
2 weeks later my dad got in hospital cus of covid. She took the plane next day and ahe came back. I lost my dad and she was next to me all that time (funerals etc) She stayed more than a month with me untill she went back to that island. Her job was being support person from her laptop so she could work from wherever she wanted
In May the season started and everything started to go wrong . I couldn't find staff. It was very stressful period. I was handling everything by myself, working 13 hours a day and when i was going to sleep , I couldn't sleep. I started using sedative pills . In the morning and also at night. I told her a couple of times "u should be here with me. I need u . I am going through hell here. It would be perfect if i had u here" She said " u are right" . "I will be there at the hard times . Just hold on."
Every hard day was passing, the more i would get angry with her for not being here with me. I was in a black box. I started getting high blood pressure because of stress. One day i almost fell down and lost consciousness.
Slowly i started to be distant with her. She asked me why I didn't talk to her and i was so distant. She said "pls tell me because i put different scenarios in my mind" Of course one of the scenarios was that i was messing around with other women. I told her i just have a lot of problems and that's why i dont talk to her so much. After a few days she told me she booked a ticket to come here so she can be with me and help me. I didnt feel happy . I didnt feel i miss her. I thought she wouldnt come here with happiness. Although she was very happy and excited talking about the ticket. She also quit her job before she would come so she could help me. All this time she was trying to support me, she ecpressing her feelings , telling me she misses me and loves me. She was also insecure and worrying i will fool around.
I am full of experiences with women. I was very happy and satisfied i had her in my life. But i was giving her a hard time. I became resentfull cuz she decided to be there and i had a really very hard and stressfull days during May and June.
After a while we stopped talking completely. 10 days before she come she called me and she said she can't stand this "no talking situation" and she wants to break up with me.
For the next 5 days i pleaded . I told her that i was sorry for what i did and that i was in the most stressful period of my life. I told her that i felt she left me alone here and i thought that i could never do this to her. To know that she needs me and me to be in some island having fun with my friends.
I understood i was wrong . I apologised sincerely. She told me that she was crying and reading our old messages when we stopped talking.
She was very cold and indifferent with me. She said it was nice but its over.
After a month of no contact i bought a diamond ring and i went to find her. I called her right after i landed there. She was shocked. I told her that she doesnt have to meet me if she didnt want to. She said she would come to pick me up so we go for drinks.
When she arrived at the hotel she was stressed and angry . I thought thats a good sign. She said "why did u do this to me. U broke my heart . I never expected u would do this to me" I apologised again although i told her I didn't make a crime. I didnt cheat on her . I was all day working, struggling. I was just stressed and angry and felt like i didnt even wanted her to come at that point. I was in darkness. In a crazy state. Maybe subconsciously i took her for granted also . She told me that as a crazy coincidence she had a day off tomorrow and that the same night i arrived she had her first date with some guy. To tell u the truth I didn't believe her.
We left the hotel and she took me to the most nice and romantic place i have ever seen. I touched her and she acted like she didnt want me to. But after 2 minutes she was in my arms. At some point she told me "omg stop being so cute" If u look at my face , it is not something u can call "cute"
She told me we cant be together and that she is happy there . And she cant feel again the same things for me.
Then she drove me to the hotel. I got off the car and she did the same and came to my hotel room without me asking her to . I thought she only wanted sex . When we went to the room she took her diary out and said ahe wants to read to me. The things she read were from the time she left me to go to that island. " I miss him so much . I can't wait to see him again . I am dreaming that he proposes to me one day"
For the next 4 days she didnt go home . She was with me all the time.
We went to some beach bar. She was so happy with me . She was everytime she is with me she is glowing. We were drinking kissing and dancing. Everybody was looking at us. She kept saying that i am stupid and she wanted to slap me. But not in an angry way. I told her "the more a woman loves a man , the more she will torment him if he breaks her heart. " And i was smiling. I was just going on her nerves.
The day she went back to work (she was a tourist guide now) she said she will go with a small boat and her tourists to a small island 1 hour away. She said "i will be laying on a sunbed untill 16:00 . But u cant come with our boat because the boat is only for my tourists. But you can find another boat and buy a ticket and come"
I searched for a ticket after she left . And i found one but i couldn't find a return ticket. I texted her that . After half an hour she said ahe arranged so i return with her companys boat with her. So i would arrive there at 15:00 to stay an hour there with her. I told her it is not worth it and i would see her in the evening when she returns. But it made me happy that she wanted so much to be with me and she did this effort so we can be together there even for just an hour.
Next day she arranged so we go to a sunset beach bar that couples go to watch the sunset. We watched the sunset and we had drinks and went for dinner. I told her i got a suprise for her but it would be nerve wrecking. ( Talking about the ring) She replied. "Get me drunk and tell me what the suprise is. "
So at some point i told her....
"I bought u something"
"What"
"The big thing"
She understood it was a ring
"Where is it"
"I have it with me . But i think it is not the right time to take it out. If u don't believe me i will show it to u . But i think u should see it properly when the moment is right"
I was afraid i would push her too much . I felt we should let the steam go away now that it felt we were again together.
At some moment she joked "give it to me and if u ever make me angry again i will sell it."
She lives with 2 other girls . She braggs about me when they compare their guys. The other 2 girls have problems with their guys when it comes to sex. She is proud for me. She also told me "we were talking with the girls about what is sexy on a man"
"What"
"He needs to be a smoker"
"Like me"
"Yes"
"Also to be a good driver"
"Like me"
"Yes"
"And to be a handy man. To be able to fix things and to have his own tools"
"Like me "
"Yes. Exactly like you"
All the time i was there she was verbally pushing me away.With her words. But her actions where full of emotion. Her body language , the way she kept cuddling.Her behaviour lacked authenticity and was neurotic. One day she was saying "please when u leave dont contact me again so you set me free. " Next day when i told her that i will be back in 2 weeks she said "oh no" in a really obvious fake manner. Like she was saying "oh yes" She kept telling me that we cant be together and that i am too old for her and that she is happy there. She told me i should find someone else. Ofcourse she also told me that the problem is that she is having a perfect time always with me . And at some moment she said. "Even if i go with some other guy in bed it would be no good. It would have no point"
I told her that i could stay longer there and cancel my return ticket. But i decided to leave because my place was making money and it was the heart of the season. So next day i left. I told her i will be back soon.
I came back to my beach bar. For 2 days we were ok , texting and sending hearts to eachother.
The second night she didnt reply to me for like 2 hours. It was strange. When she texted me she said she was out but she will go home soon . So we can talk . When we talked i asked her "have u been out with some guy again ? " I did it in a funny way . I am not a jealous guy .
She replied
"I was out with whoever i want and u should do the same . And have a good time with your gitls there at your bar."
I said "i am satisfied from my life. I dont need girls and hook ups. I wanted to make it up for hurting u and making u cry. With actions . U never understood what u mean to me. "
She replied
"U don't have to prove anything to me . I know you are a good person . I know u for many years . This is me. I fall on my knees and then i get on my feet again. Let me be here alone and happy. "
That was early August and it was the last time we communicated.
I don't know what to do .
I broke up 2 times in my life and went no contact. They both came knocking on my door at some point.
So is it like i did my effort and now i got to walk away ?
Should i pursue her since i did hurt her feelings and since she has trust issues? She is also very tough girl and she knows very well i am attracted to tough girls.
