Hlsl

Thank you.

Thank you so much, for your kind words and for the encouragement.

It is me who have to thank you.

I feel I learned a lot these days after posting my question, from all of you who were so supportive, it was eye-opening. Thank you.

Thank you, but he won't reach out, he knows I am too proud for that and he knows very well he messed it up with me. He is not a very brave person by default, so I doubt he will ever bother to initiate a discussion and hear the truth.

Thank you. I doubt that he will return, he knows me well enough not to do it. And he has already proven how much he keeps me in his mind. At this point, I don't feel there is anything I can tell him anymore. Once the trust has been broken, I can't mend it back, that's how I am.

Thank you for sharing this and for all your support throughout these difficult days for me, I honestly appreciate it. I know, I must reset my thinking and hope that there will be someone one day that will make me feel exactly the opposite of what I feel today.

Thank you so much for your support. To respond to your question, the only thing that comes to my mind looking back is that he mentioned that he feels depressed and very unhappy with the new job and city he has just moved to. And I know that he also took distance from a very close friend, he seems to talk to other people, but not to him anymore. My guess is that he is confused and acts in an imature way. Having had only two relationships until this age, he probably feels that this is last chance to be young and explore. On the other hand, he is very sad that the time is passing and he really wants to make a family, like most of his friends, he kept talking about this.

Thank you. Until sharing my thoughts here, I had the feeling I probably live in a bubble and my expectations from people are unrealistic. It is heart-warming to see so many kind and decent people here who proved me wrong.

Thank you. I agree. Whatever happened, respect should not have lacked between us. I always felt respected by him as a friend, so this behaviour is impossible for me to justify.

I haven't put him on a pedestal either, I just overfocused on his good traits and the many things we have in common, that's why I idealised the situation.

Thanķ you so much. Not sure I can change so drastically at this age, I honestly lost my courage for now. Funny thing is I wasn't even thinking about starting dating again until he asked me out, that was not my immediate goal, finding someone. I guess I simply wanted him, not a partner or a husband in general.

Thank you. It was really helpful and encouraging talking to you.

Sometimes, when we are feeling insecure and unsure of ourselves, some of us tend to lose our self-worth if we don't feel validated by the others. At the same time, we tend to see others as being better than us, we idealise them. As I was saying, some of us, this does not have to apply to all people, we all go through life in our own way. This is why it is good to receive all your feedback here, I can see how other people approach the same situation and learn from it.

Thank you for sharing this. I have done the same in the past years. I "cleaned" up my life quite drastically, I let go of people whom I thought would be there for the rest of my life. I have very few friends left, but I am happy with my choice, once I let them go I felt as if I was healed of a long disease. He was one of the friends I chose to keep and to trust. This is why it is so painful I guess. Not losing a romantic partner, although this hurts too. But losing the friendship and the intimacy it created before the romance part, this really hurts.

Good question. I thought I have taken my time throughout the past months to get to know him. Why I chose to see him in such a good light and why I suddenly felt so worthless when he disappeared...I honestly don't know. Maybe because I saw much of myself in him my tolerance level was higher than it should have, it was easier to accept and justify him.

Thank you so much for your advice, it has been very helpful to read all this. It's true, we spend so much energy looking for the best in people, that when they fail to raise to the image we created about them, we end up only seeing the worst in ourselves.

No. Even when I lost my father and I was in deep pain, I remember I still replied to people even when it felt hard to find the energy to do so.

You have a great intuition. I now realise that this is what happened. It took him two years to break up with his ex-partner, just because (according to him) he was afraid of being single again after 10 years.

Thank you. You are right, it is already painful, it would have been much worse later.

I was considering giving him the benefit of a doubt, finding excuses for him (he has been depressed, stressed etc). But reading all comments here, it seems naive of me to do that.

Of course not. On the contrary.

Thank you so much. I never thought he could have been a player. He only had two relationships in his life, both very long-term, he always seemed a committed and responsible person. Otherwise I would have never gave him a chance. But...who knows, maybe he wants to live now what he didn't in his 20s, which makes him even more imature.

Thank you. English is not my native language, so some things might not have come through correctly. This year we moved to the same city both of us and he became single, I have already been single for a few years while caring for my family. And you are right, the last thing I needed was to have my heart broken once again after all I have been going through.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel you are absolutely right. It was hard for me to open up to love again after a long time of being single and painful family losses. Probably this is why I take it so hard.