I (32f) was seeing a guy (32m) for 5 months. A month ago he broke it off in a panic. We had got to the point where we were spending a lot of time together. We were usually together for the full weekend, and spent most nights together during the week too.
We'd both been in serious long term relationships before that had ended amicably, so we both had a good idea of what didn't work for us. When we met it was like something I'd never experienced before, I'd never felt so instantly comfortable with someone, it was so easy. There was an immediate friendship as well as incredible chemistry. We both got involved in each other's hobbies and spent the summer camping and hiking together as much as we could.
We were both in therapy and quickly opened up with each other about our struggles and past traumas, the support we had for each other was absolutely wonderful. Communication was very open and calm. It was basically everything I'd ever wanted, however, his past experiences meant that his self esteem was pretty low. We worked on it together and I tried to help him to see himself in a better light.
Midway through our time together he revealed that he had been in a complicated situation with someone else before we met and that he had unresolved feelings around it. It was difficult because he had to deal with this person a lot professionally and didn't feel like he could get the distance he needed to fully get over it. I was calm and supportive when he told me and we agreed to work through it together.
When he broke off our relationship, the main reason was that he wasn't able to resolve these feelings and felt that was unfair to me. The other woman had made it clear to him in the past that nothing further was going to happen with them so it wasn't a case that anything was going on with them, he just couldn't get over it.
We had a very emotional goodbye, I didn't want it to end but I wasn't going to beg for him to stay. We slept together once after the break, but I then said I needed to go no contact. I didn't initiate any contact with him for three weeks (three impossibly painful weeks), but he would message me every few days or so and I would politely end the conversation.
We started talking a bit more this last week and he came over at the weekend. Nothing sexual happened but we cuddled and talked about our lives and he was visibly struggling when it was time for him to leave. He said he didn't want to go and we just stood by the door for a while, leaning our foreheads against each other. He has since said that the last month has been incredibly confusing and he has no clarity around the situation. He initiates contact at least once a day.
My head is telling me to walk away, but my heart is telling me to hold on a little longer and just give him time. I love him. I love literally everything about him. I want him by my side when I'm happy or sad, when something exciting happens he's the first person I want to call. I want to hear about his day after work. Every morning that I wake up without him feels so heavy.
To clarify - I have good self esteem. I don't need him to make me feel worthy, I'm independent and have a busy life, so this isn't a case of me missing him for what he could do for me, or needing him to fill a hole in my life. I just love who he is as a person, I feel more of a connection with him than I have ever felt.
Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? What did you do?
