jpl1

I think I should've made it clearer that we spent 2 beautiful and very intense months together before she opened up having a FWB all the time. It was the point when I started talking about getting into an "official" relationship. I don't care about the sexual past of my partners before they met me or while we had our first 1-2 dates. But I absolutely care about what she did in the meantime in between our meetings after she already told me she loves me. Also not exactly true. Sorry for the confusion. My bad. She sat on two chairs for 2 full months without me knowing - until she was certain that we are going "fully serious". Even though I said at the beginning that I'm only looking for a serious relationship. And that's a huge no-go from me. I don't know if it was because she didn't want to risk ending up all alone or if she really didn't expect it to be a problem for anyone, but it doesn't matter anymore. I never expected someone to not see the problem in that to be honest...

This is nice to hear. I often feel like people my age are not as willing to get into a commited relationship nowadays just because of all the other "casual possibilites" that exist through technology. But it seems like I'm just having a streak of bad luck. Just to make it clear, I'm not talking about this situation. The one I'm talking about lasted a couple of months. I just don't get what's so difficult about saying "this won't work out, sorry". It hurts. Maybe you're right and I'm starting to generalize because I see patterns where there are none, just based on my recent experiences. Finding out there was someone else the whole time (~7 weeks) just totally crushed my expectations and went against all my personal standards. To be honest, I started to question my judgement. But I mean, that's why I'm here. I think this sums it up pretty well. The fact that it happened after almost 2 months of being literal soulmates in every other aspect of our lifes was just so unexpected that I didn't know what to think anymore. I start to realize that this was most likely the issue. I never saw the necessity to make it clear that I only value exclusive dating - because I have never been confronted with someone who doesn't. I always cut any other ties before proceeding with someone who I feel connected to after a couple of dates. And I always saw it as something that is self-explanatory. Seems like I always had partners who were the same like me. Until now. This situation is a total first for me and I want to learn from it to not have it happen again. I think I'm just extraordinarily sad and disappointed that it took 2 months and 2 broken hearts to find out about such a basic incompatibility. Well, thanks for taking the time and thanks for all your input, it really means a lot to me. ♥

I (27M) want to keep this as short as possible, but I also don't want this to go into a wrong direction. I absolutely think everyone has the right to live out his sexuality the way he wants to, no matter what gender he identifies as. So I'm by no means some kind of "***shamer". Though I also think it's very important to acknowledge that everyone has the right to set his own boundaries regarding what he thinks is subjectively "acceptable" while looking for a potential relationship partner. And again, this goes both ways - no matter what gender. I've always been a very sensitive, empathic and caring guy that values a deep connection with someone based on trust and love much much more then casual relationships/sex without any deeper connection. It's not like I didn't try it or that I don't understand the concept. I mean, I get horny too. It's just that I decided for myself that life is too valuable and short to spend it with someone that I do not truly and deeply love. Additionally, sharing intimacy with someone I do find sexually attractive but don't have some kind of deeper connection with, always felt kind of awkward to me. I had a very strange encounter recently that really broke me for quite some time and somehow also threw me back on how I perceive what is common and what is not in today's society, and which is admittedly the whole cause of this post. And now, to get more personal and specific - how does ANYONE think it is acceptable to start to date someone - spend some great days with him - make out with him - fall in love with him - wants to get into a serious relationship with him - then opening up about having kept a FWB all the time because "it hadn't turned into a serious relationship yet" - and be totally casual about it? Like it would be totally normal? I mean I made it clear from the beginning that I do not seek anything else then a commited relationship and still she wanted to date me. And yeah of course I'm glad she even opened up about it even though she could've just ended it quietly without me ever finding out. But I had to tell her I'm not interested anymore because "it seems like our opinion on what's acceptable during a dating phase is vastly different". She told me I need to grow the *** up and accept that women also have the right to have casual sex without deeper emotions and that she would've ended it for me but now doesn't. Am I an immature *** or did I just dodge a bullet? Is this normal today? Are there even women in my age that feel the same? That dislike ONS, FWB and open relationships? Women who also totally dislike today's "Social Media, Dating App, Pick-Up and orbiting/ghosting" culture? Or is that a boomer thing and I just don't fit into this generation? Even though my past relationships should be proof enough, I'd love to read some different perspectives.