tangytangerine

They will feel I'm a murderer and making a drastic mistake health wise.

Raised as a staunch vegan since 3 years old, until I recently changed my mind and began eating animal foods for my health issues, and felt so much better.

Definitely couldn't eat or cook meat and dairy in my parents house, so I moved out a week ago to eat what I want in my own home.

My parents will be devastated if they found out, but they will have to, soon. They're visiting this weekend and I don't want them to just discover the fridge full of eggs, salmon and beef. I'll have to tell them beforehand.

The twist is, I actually haven't been vegan for two years. When I still lived at home, I had to drive out to parks and sneak eat yogurt and take-out burgers in my car. I had to hide my non-veganism away from them totally. Not only would they have freaked out, but my dad has always said, "Don't feel you can eat meat outside this house either. You're not sh*tting out that stuff in my toilets."

And, oh yeah, that car? Before I bought out their lease and had it moved to my name, back then, it was technically their car. If they found out I had been keeping a secret AND doing it in their car all these years, they'd freak.

So how do I tell? Though I felt better with the new inclusions in my diet, I didn't want to tell them until a few months deep into my move so I could do it consistently enough and they could see the difference. Looks like that can't happen, though. How do I tell?

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Where your inexperience does show is that sex is new to you and now you've discovered it and think Wow! I'm the only one who knows how great it is.

Lol, what did I say that makes you think I feel that way?

5 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I'm confident that he probably cheated on former women in his life who had plenty of sexual experiences.

That's true.

5 hours ago, Jaunty said:

your bf were the type to take advantage of you in some way because you had no prior sexual experience, he is the type to take advantage of you in any way he can.

Your whole post, but this especially really helped set things in perspective for me.

4 hours ago, jul-els said:

Everything’s great between the two of you and you’re happy. Just rest in that and allow it to be. 

Thank you. This was also very helpful.

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

In my opinion confidence in the bedroom is part of being in a committed, loving, caring relationship where both people can be themselves

I can defintely agree with this.

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I know I was definitely not "va va voom".

I don't really relate to your perspective -as if being good in the bedroom is part of being "va va voom" or some technical proficiency -like performance art.

Ah, I don't mean va va voom like I'm trying to be sexually impressive. I'm having a good time naturally and I was wondering if the confidence and enjoyment between us would confuse him if he learned I was a virgin. 

But it's all moot. I defintely see I'm overthinking. One of my bad habits, lol.

Yes. I love being silly and having fun. I don't even wear makeup. 

But I'm also very confident in the bedroom. I hold my own with guys. People tell me I'm strong, I come off across as really centered and free, etc.

I remember girls from high school and college who were definitely inexperienced but tried so hard to come across as more experienced than they were. I always vowed to not be like that, for one because it was so obvious and embarrassing. I said to myself, as I learn about love and sex, if I'm going to come across as young and inexperienced, so be it. I'll learn naturally and won't pretend to be what I'm not yet.

So where I am now is not an act. I really worked hard to let my insecurities go, love myself, and settle into my own skin. But I do know a lot of that strong, sexy confidence people have is because of experience, where mine comes from...introspection and self-love. It's a little unusual, no? Imagine getting such a va va voom female and then she tells you: actually, I have no experience before you. It's a little like whiplash, no? You'd be left wondering: where did all this come from? Lol

I just want to say thank you for everybody for giving advice and helping me out with this. It really helps.

If I really think about it, this is what I really fear: I really fell hard for him. Not because he was my first, but because we are really a great fit. But telling him that he's my first...I don't want him to think I'm so into him because I'm some naive partner getting attached to the first person she slept with. I don't want him to wonder, "is she so into the sex because she doesn't know any better, hasn't had anything else to compare to?" 

I present myself as a very confident, self-assured woman. When we learns that I'm that way not because of experience... well, he could wonder what is the cause of it? Is this confident woman who I thought is that way because of life experience is really  that way because she's very introspective, will he see my maturity and confidence as some type of sham? 

So, if he wonders those things, I have this fear he will begin to doubt the strength and maturity of our connection, and not be into me as much.

2 minutes ago, Andrina said:

I think...

This is a really smart perspective to have. I will do this. Thank you for this advice.

3 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Honesty is one of the most vital parts of a relationship.

I realize you felt you had reasons to lie, but lying is still lying.

You were in fact, a virgin when you met him.

You should have been honest about it right from the start despite your ego and self doubt.

Also, having more partners does not make you better, or winning something, it just means that there is a possibility that he has had more STD's and more bad experiences (hence why they didn't work).

I haven't lied. I haven't told him anything yet.

I also think your last point is a bit simplistic. STDs, sure, but that can be remedied with responsibility and openness. (I asked my BF if we both could be tested before we had sex.) Also, some people just have casual sex to have fun and enjoy it with no regrets.

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

So why are you looking for issues when there aren't any?  Do you secretly want out of this relationship and are hoping he'll break up with you if you "confess" you were a virgin when you two had sex the first time?

I have no idea why you're worrying about this if you don't want to break up.  Any relationship could potentially end at any time, but why ruin everything worrying about something that "might" happen?

No secret desires to exit relationship. Just trying to come to term with these insecurities so I don't ruin said relationship, which is really good.

23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Does your boyfriend have a habit of comparing you to others?  Does he imply you aren't meeting his needs or you aren't satisfying him?  Does he talk about the sexual prowess of his exes?  Does he talk about women he had sex with before doing things you aren't willing to do?  

No to all four. We have a great time in bed. 

Okay, this will sound silly, but bear with me. Our situation is not unique--couples with different sexual pasts being extremely sexual compatible their relationships have failed anyway, sometimes relating to one partner taking for granted another, especially in regards to their lack of romantic experience before them. To give a celebrity example, Beyonce and Jay-Z. She's known to have little experience before Jay-Z, just a high school boyfriend who, according to her in interviews, she was waiting until marriage with him, but he cheated on her, they broke up, and then she met Jay-Z. She's a very confident, sexy woman, but even then, in her marriage to Jay-Z, he took her for granted and cheated on her. I don't mean to compare myself to celebrities, just to share a relationship dynamic that can strike at anytime.

I am 26 and he is 30.

Thank god, my boyfriend does not brag about his sexual conquests, doesn't even refer to it that way. There has been only one casual talk about who we were with before we met each other.

Batya, I agree with you on your perspective on "taking virginity." I worded my title poorly, but I feel the same--I was never a type to overvalue the concept of virginity. I don't feel he took anything from me. I'm glad my first introduction to sex was with such a respectful, loving man.

Wiseman, your comment about being secure and confident is something that really resonates because I really worked on that before dating. 

But still, I worry, like the concerns in my original post.

I guess I'm also fearful of when people view sex as power. A more experienced partner could see a less experienced one as someone they can take advantage of because they have fewer people they can compare them to and thus are more attached. Even though our sex is great, will he see me as weird no-experience girl? Will he compare me to past partners?

My boyfriend has had many sexual partners before me. Several LTRs and many admitted hookups that always left me feeling slightly insecure, even though he has been very attentive, loving and dedicated to me. It's not that I doubt he loves me or fears he will cheat on me. Or that he's even unsatisfied--we've said to each other before that we're having the best sex of our lives with each other.

The thing is, he doesn't know it's the best sex of my life not only because he's an astounding partner--but also because he's literally the first sex of my life. I had a really controlling upbringing which led me to being a late bloomer, but before I met my boyfriend, frankly, I practiced a lot on sex toys and got real in tune with myself what I like sexually so I wouldn't feel behind in a relationship.

But my boyfriend is the first man I've held hands with, kissed and made love with. Whenever we talk about our sexual pasts, I get really bothered by the idea by the fact I will eventually have to tell him--or he'll find out--that he's my first everything. Will he see me differently? Respect me less? It also feels very embarrassing to admit compared to how very experienced he is.

How do I get over this?