Dcoop

Thank you all for the feedback, yes, she is divorced. I didn't crawl back to my wife because of the affiar person not being divorced, it was seeing how my wife was not doing well at that moment when I came over to the house to help her with a few things and saw her in poor physical state.

Been "married" 26 years, (sorry, I'm probably a bit older poster on this board) but haven't been happy in my marriage for a long time. I know I married ("settled") the wrong person, as it was more social pressure to get married and the person I really wanted to marry (we were great friends but she was 2 years older than me) at that time got married. So, I was settling with someome else, got married and moved on. I haven't done anything about my marriage (ie divorce) due to various reasons: kids, financials, just accepting, society, etc and wanted to show a strong face to family and friends - ie successful, happy, family, etc...etc... The past few years my unhappiness increased and I reached a tipping point and reached out to the person I originally wanted to marry. I wasn't sure what to expect but I thought that if there was a chance with someone else, it would only be with this person. I really didn't have an interest to explore with other people. She replied to me, and within a few months an affair developed, taking us to an emotional and physical place we both feel we wanted to be. She was unhappily married as well. We both also admited that we made relationship mistakes and that it was "us" that we wanted. A few months into my affair, my wife was diagnosed w/ a disease (not terminal), but impairs her day to day physical abilities with continuous degredation for balance of her life. It hit me as a carring person, but on the other side was the person I always wanted to be with, hence my confliction. Shortly after, my wife discoved the affair and the explosion commenced w/ her, our two grown children who are out of state, friends, etc...eventually, a legal marriage separation process started. We enlisted attornies, started to go down the legal separation process (I wanted it more than my wife) while she has been "struggling" physically and me feeling guilty for my potential "happiness". I've been living at a relative's temporarily and recently came back to my wife as she was really struggling physically (maybe a little w/ an act) but from what I saw she was not in a good place. The "nice guy" that I am, I came back to help her and I moved back into the house, but my heart is elsewhere. I told the woman that I had the affair with the I need to take a step back from "us" and focus on my wifes health condition. This gave me some comfort but pain for me too. We were hoping that once we get through the separation, we could become a couple and eventually marry. I'm not sure the prognosis of my wife's disease, but who knows, maybe there is still a possibility down the road w/ my affair person. I know I can't expect to have the person I had the affair with wait around for me, so this hurts me too. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation whether I stay or move on. I feel like I finally have something I always wanted, but due to the circumstances, I need to make the choice that is the "right" vs what would really makes me happy. Any wisdom, thoughts from anyone would really be appreciated. Thanks you for listening...